The ‘Blue Dolphin’ Rule: Stop negative thoughts with emotional intelligence

Ever had a song you couldn’t get out of your head?

That happened to me the other day. Pink Pony Club. It’s everywhere right now; I can’t escape it. And even though I really don’t like that song, it’s catchy. And as you’ve probably experienced, once you get a song like that stuck in your head, it can feel impossible to get out.

What you might not know is there’s a scientific reason for this: It’s called ironic process theory. Or, you may have heard it by its more common name: The white bear problem.

But there’s a tried and tested brain hack that helps you to get a song out of your head. What’s more, you can use it to replace negative or harmful thoughts with positive, helpful ones. With enough practice, you can change your entire mindset.

I like to call this method the Blue Dolphin Rule.

What is the Blue Dolphin Rule, and why is it so helpful? How can you use it to hack your brain and change your thinking from harmful to helpful? To answer those questions, let’s go back to the white bear problem.

The White Bear Problem

The white bear problem was popularized by Harvard psychologist Daniel Wegner in the late 1980s. Also known as ironic process theory, Wegner’s problem stated that attempts to suppress thoughts can actually increase their frequency.

Wegner based the name on a quote in an essay by Russian writer Fyodor Dostoevsky from over a century ago:

“Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”

Over the course of a decade, Wegner discovered that at least part of the reason why this happens. While we try our best to avoid a thought with one part of the mind, another part of us keeps “checking in” to make sure the thought isn’t coming up. Wegner described this as an “ironic process.”

That helps explain why I can’t get Pink Pony Club out of my head. Also, why you may struggle to push out anxious thoughts or limiting beliefs.

But there’s a way to conquer your white bears, and it involves emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage emotions. Enter the blue dolphin.

Using ‘Blue Dolphins’ to Stop Negative Thoughts

Over time, Wegner and other researchers found a trick to reduce the rebound of unwanted thoughts. Instead of trying not to think of something, you have to intentionally focus your mind on a completely different thought.

For example, instead of a white bear, try to think of a blue dolphin.

A blue dolphin is a substitute thought. It’s a replacement, or “go-to,” something you can immediately focus attention on if your white bear comes to mind. In psychology, this emotional regulation technique is known as thought replacement or thought substitution.

For example, if Pink Pony Club is ringing around in my head, I’ve got to start singing another catchy song. As I shift my attention and go all in with my new song, Pink Pony Club fades into the background . . . and eventually disappears.

You can do the same with your negative thoughts.

Before a presentation, do you keep thinking to yourself: “I’m so nervous”? Try telling yourself repeatedly: “This is going to be over in 30 minutes, and by next week I won’t even be thinking about it.”

Or maybe you’re down because a product launch did much lower numbers than you expected. Remind yourself: “Products take time to get right. Let’s work on improving this version and try again.”

See how it works?

Every time you think of a blue dolphin, write it down or record it in a note on your phone. Eventually, you’ll have a collection of replacement thoughts you can use whenever you need them.

Use your dolphins

Remember, white bears have a tendency to keep coming back. But emotional intelligence means recognizing that, while you don’t have control over a thought entering your mind, you can do something about it.

So, the next time a white bear rears its ugly head, you can pull out your list. Focus on one of your blue dolphins. Read it out loud if you like.

As you practice, you’ll start to do this more naturally. And eventually, you’ll find you’re keeping those nasty white bears at bay—and singing the tune you want, instead of the one that got stuck in your head.

—Justin Bariso

This article originally appeared on Fast Company‘s sister publication, Inc.

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