After 25 years of coaching leaders, I’ve found 1 small habit that makes people instantly like you

For years, email, texting, and messaging apps have ruled how we communicate. But one timeless human skill—often neglected—is quickly becoming a true difference-maker in the digital age.

Active listening.

It’s both an art and a discipline, and it’s what separates average leaders from exceptional ones (while making them instantly likable in the process).

The truth is, active listening is the foundation of effective communication and the heartbeat of strong relationships. Yet as technology consumes more of our attention, we’re losing touch with this skill—and with it, a powerful competitive advantage in business.

When you focus on your people—their growth, their needs, their challenges—none of it works without listening deeply first.

Listen more than you talk

After 25 years of coaching leaders, I’ve learned that the most effective ones know when to stop talking and start listening. Few things elevate a conversation more than genuine attentiveness. When you truly listen, you show respect for people at every level, demonstrate curiosity, and practice humility—three traits every great leader needs.

I call this authentic listening. It’s the ability to understand what’s really happening on the other side of the conversation—to sense the will of a group, help clarify it, and create alignment around it.

Management thinker Peter Drucker said it best: “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”

Authentic listeners do exactly that. They listen intuitively—not just for facts or responses, but for meaning. They lean into conversations with empathy, seeking to understand what matters most to the other person.

This kind of listening is selfless, not self-centered. It always circles back to one powerful question: How can I help this person right now?

The hard part of listening

Good listening always requires humility. In my coaching sessions with executives, I make one thing clear from the start: If you want to grow as a leader, you have to embrace the humble responsibility of inviting feedback—and then have the courage and openness to truly listen to it. That’s a tall order for many leaders, especially the higher you climb up the corporate ranks.

There are several approaches to successfully listening for feedback. For example:

• Be open. Listen without interruption, objections, or defensiveness.
• Be responsive. Listen without turning the tables. Ask questions for clarification.
• Be accountable. Seek to understand the effects and consequences of your behavior.
• Be self-aware. Be aware of your own emotional reactions, body language, and how you’re coming across in the listening.
• Be quiet. Refrain from making or preparing to make a response, or trying to explain, defend, or fix.

The last part of listening

A lot of people think listening just means sitting quietly and absorbing what someone else is saying. But according to the authors of Radical Listening, the best listeners don’t just nod along—they ask great follow-up questions. For example:

• Questions that connect to the speaker. This shows you’re paying attention to what was just said and engaged in the conversation.
• Open-ended questions. Instead of a simple yes or no, open-ended questions invite deeper insights.
• Questions to encourage more sharing. Great follow-up questions help people open up about their plans, emotions, and perspectives.

At first, asking questions might feel like the opposite of listening. But research tells a different story. In fact, studies show that employees consistently link good listening with strong leadership, a connection that holds true across cultures and organizations worldwide.

As you move forward, embrace listening by relating to others with more curiosity and intent. Treat it like a human experiment in your professional development journey, with listening as a key tool in your toolbox.

Speaking of toolbox, here’s a roadmap to develop your listening skills and master your interpersonal communication, with steps straight from my coaching sessions with top global clients.

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—Marcel Schwantes

This article originally appeared on Fast Company’s sister publication, Inc.

Inc. is the voice of the American entrepreneur. We inspire, inform, and document the most fascinating people in business: the risk-takers, the innovators, and the ultra-driven go-getters that represent the most dynamic force in the American economy.

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