The understandable “ick” of AI-assisted dating

As artificial intelligence enters its dating era, it has taken on an increasing number of roles: cupid, wingman, even romantic interest. 

Where once people’s biggest concern was being unfortunately catfished by old photos and flattering filters, now if a person seems too good to be true, well, they might not even be human at all.  

Hily’s Dating App T.R.U.T.H. report surveyed 1,559 U.S. daters and found 82% of Gen Z and 87% of Millennials are already turning to AI in their dating lives. Up to 95% also plan to use it in the future. 

Just as in traditional dating, there are some double standards at play. For Gen Z, 62% say they’d be turned off if they discovered their match was using AI during the talking stage, despite being happy to use it themselves. This number increased to 70% for Millennials. 

As one Gen Z dater on Hily said: “I’d be less attracted. It’s lazy and unnecessary. Demonstrates a lack of creativity and care.” Another added: “It feels less authentic—and also a lot less fun. Isn’t dating supposed to be fun, not an imitation of the weird arms race we see in work?”

The ick is understandable. It brings up questions like, if someone needs the help of AI to carry a conversation, are they even that interested? If they aren’t willing to put in the work, why should you? And ultimately, if you hit it off, are you falling for the person or the algorithm? 

The most common uses of AI are to generate a dating app bio based on information provided and to offer suggestions for conversations. “If it generated their bio, that’s fine—if it’s accurate,” one Millennial dater on Hily said. “But not if it made things up or used misleading photos.”

Daters are burnt out from endless swiping, ghosting and a transactional dating culture. “Chatfishing” is one way to optimize and outsource some of the emotional labor of finding love (who said romance was dead?). After all, most have enlisted the help of the group chat in crafting a risky text or handed over full control to a friend to spice up a conversation. 

Some chatfishers take things a step further, having ChatGPT conduct entire conversations. A 2025 study from Norton found six in 10 people who use dating apps believe they’ve encountered at least one conversation written by AI. 

It’s also getting harder and harder to tell if the person you’re messaging is human or bot. A 2025 preprint paper showed that human judges who spoke with both OpenAI’s model GPT-4.5 and a human simultaneously, mistook the AI for a human 73% of the time.

While AI can be an effective wingman when it comes to clinching a first date, when it’s finally time to meet face-to-face, problems arise. Of the daters Hily surveyed, 53% of Gen Z and 66% of Millennials say they’d feel less confident on a real-life date after using AI to communicate with a match. 

“People tend to turn towards AI due to the fear that they’re not good enough and need to outsource to be better liked and well received,” Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, relationship expert at Hily Dating App and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, told Fast Company. “This has a paradoxical effect as AI often white washes over the personality traits, uniqueness, and small touches that make them special.”

And if your AI persona is smarter, wittier, and funnier than you, you are only setting yourself up for failure. 

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