How to stand out at work without seeming like a narcissist

It’s okay to admit it: You want to stand out, get ahead, and achieve all you can. And while you may feel that you can’t mention these goals, they don’t actually make you a narcissist. In fact, it’s natural for people to want a sense of status at work. After all, status is an indication that the company and your peers respect and appreciate you.

But you’re also wise to balance your desire for accolades with the appropriate humility. No one likes someone who is arrogant, self-serving, or disrespectful—and there is a delicate balance between being confident and being egotistical.

AVOID ARROGANCE

In a 2019 study published in Review of General Psychology researchers identified three forms of arrogance: First, people can lack knowledge about themselves and have an overblown sense of their skill or importance. This is called “individual arrogance”. Second, they can have an unrealistic assessment of how they compare with others—believing they are better than others. That’s called “comparative arrogance.” Or worse, they can act superior toward others, belittling them or acting with contempt, which is “antagonistic arrogance.” 

Any of these tend to result in negative reactions from teammates and colleagues. So how can you stand out without tipping into acting as a narcissist or egomaniac? These are the five strategies that will help you shine:

BE CONFIDENT

One of the first ways to stand out is to be confident. Prepare, speak up, have a strong point of view, and don’t be afraid to assert yourself. You’ll be most successful when you focus on ideas, not people.

As you do this, you’ll also need to be sure and ask for others’ opinions. Avoid dominating the discussion or assuming your ideas are the best ones or the only ones. Instead, bring an appropriate sense of openness to others’ ideas along with your self-assurance.

Another aspect of confidence is owning your opinions. Be self-possessed with your ideas. You won’t always be right, so admit mistakes. But put yourself out there, and be ready for others to react, disagree, and build on your theories.  

Confidence also includes being authentic. People prefer others who are easy to read, or “being legible,” we prefer people who are aligned in what they say and what they do, rather than following the crowd or saying what they think others want to hear. If you say you’re committed to innovation, ask questions and be curious. If you say you prioritize teamwork, give appropriate credit to others for the work you’ve done together.

Be confident, but avoid being overbearing or just saying what you think others want to hear.

BE COLLABORATIVE

Another way to stand out may surprise you: by collaborating effectively.

Practically everything today requires some work with others—and within a team. You’ll stand out when you’re the kind of person that people want to work with. You’ll be invited in and appreciated by the group.

Engage, pitch in, and cooperate to get things done toward mutual goals. Make a brilliant contribution, but stop short of trying to be the center of attention or the smartest person in the room.

In addition, build relationships. Pay attention to others, ask questions, listen, and express empathy. It’s important to be present and respectful—even if you disagree with the person. Your openness and willingness to engage in constructive disagreement are signals of both confidence and respect for others.

Interestingly, science shows that when you cooperate, you’re more likely to get ahead. In an experiment, researchers put volunteers in a situation where they had to negotiate and choose to collaborate for a shared reward or hold back for a greater individual reward. When they collaborated, others tended to rate them more positively, chose to work with them above others, and reported they were influenced by the collaborators more than those who held back, according to work published in the journal Chaos.

Be collaborative by engaging and committing to the group—and avoid trying to grab the spotlight.

BE CREDIBLE

Another surefire way to stand out is to be credible. Know your stuff, perform well, and deliver results. These may seem obvious, but they’re more uncommon than you might imagine—so they will set you apart.

Also perform consistently. Be dependable. Show up again and again. Follow through when you say you’ll do something, and demonstrate professionalism even when things are tough.

You’ll also want to communicate with your boss by letting them know what you’re doing and how you’re succeeding—as well as where you may have fumbled or need help. Don’t be afraid to track your work, so you can demonstrate your progress and your impact as well as advocate for yourself. This kind of data is terrific material to build your reputation with your boss.

At the same time you’re doing great work and documenting your effectiveness, avoid grandstanding or seeking attention. Also avoid bragging about the stress you’re under or how hard you’re working, as this tends to put people off.

BE COURAGEOUS

You can also stand out by being courageous. Many people are happy to do their work and stay within their lane. But companies are looking for people who will take initiative and appropriate risks.

Things are moving quickly, and organizations are under increasing pressure to adapt and compete—so they need employees who are flexible and proactive.

Volunteer for the new project that your company is experimenting with and offer to contribute to areas that are adjacent to your own responsibilities. If you’re in HR, ask to join the tech team that is expanding AI solutions for the interview and selection process. Or if you’re in sales, seek out the new team member and offer to take them to customer meetings so they can boost their learning.

Be curious about what’s coming next. Seek new learning, let your boss know about the next direction you want for your development, and ask questions about the status quo—pushing your work and your colleagues toward innovative ideas.

And be resilient and unflappable. You’ll experience setbacks, you’ll be surprised by customer demands, or you’ll be disappointed by the solution that didn’t pan out. But if you can stay calm, keep going, and improve, you’ll shine as the kind of employee every company values.

BE CONNECTED

If you want to stand out, you will also absolutely need to build your network. An important strategy to set yourself apart is to have a lot of people who agree that you are adding value—and a lot of people who have positive experiences with you. And this necessitates branching out through your contacts.

Connect with others by inviting them to coffee. Get to know colleagues in the midst of your project work together. Offer to help others when you know they have a lot on their plate—and ask for coaching when you need it as well. People value reciprocity in which there is a healthy exchange of support and a back-and-forth exchange within a relationship.

Look for a mentor and build the kind of relationship where they will be an advocate for you. In addition, offer to mentor others as well. And build your network both within your organization and outside of it. 

Avoid a mindset where you’re taking all you can from your connections, and instead offer them value and invest in genuine relationships. The goal is to never treat your connections as just numbers in a ranking game. Having tons of connections who don’t know you isn’t nearly as valuable as having a smaller set of people who really care about you and for whom you care about also.

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