When the mentor feels like an imposter

Two-thirds of people have imposter syndrome, according to a 2011 article published in the International Journal Of Behavioral Science. These are people who often feel like a fraud or believe their achievements were a fluke.

Bearing those statistics in mind, there’s a high likelihood that mentors suffer from this as well. How is someone who doesn’t recognize the inherent value of their own achievements supposed to mentor others? 

Imposter syndrome amongst mentors

Mentorship discussions typically focus on the mentee’s imposter syndrome but neglect the mentor’s own struggles.

When someone, no matter how successful, feels like an imposter (assuming they can get over the first hurdle and agree to mentor someone) it impacts how effective they are in the relationship. They might over-prepare for mentoring sessions and hesitate to offer advice for fear of being wrong. When the mentee succeeds, it can amplify their imposter feelings. If they don’t take steps to address this, it can erode the trust between themselves and the mentee.

Nearly half of all Nobel Prize winners had mentors that were award-winners (or their direct professional descendants). In a small sample of 10 Nobel Prize Winners who came out of the Yellow Beret program at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) during the Vietnam War, 100% either trained with a Nobel Laureate (or those only one degree removed). Living in that ecosystem of extreme achievement can increase the pressure to live up to expectations, and might trigger feelings of fraud and doubt.

Mentors don’t necessarily need to have all the answers, so they need to know where to look or who to ask. In many cases, they are in in uncharted territory, guiding mentees in fields or skills where they might be less experienced. This can breed feelings of inadequacy.

If someone is already battling with imposter syndrome, guiding another person in an unfamiliar area can exacerbate that feeling. Caroline Flanagan, in her insightful work on this subject, highlights that mentors can benefit from actionable strategies to turn their insecurities into opportunities for growth. If you’re a mentor suffering from imposter syndrome, you will benefit from adopting the following mindset and actions.

Reframe self-doubt as growth

Just because it’s new, doesn’t mean it should cause doubt. You’re learning alongside your mentee, but your experience might lead you to connect dots your mentee doesn’t have the experience of hindsight to see. Go on the journey of exploration together and share the joy of mutual discovery alongside the practical win of helping your mentee.

Seek peer mentorship

Mentors need mentors—no matter how experienced they are. Having someone to share experiences with can normalize self-doubt. Consider seeking a mentoring supervisor that you can share your challenges with. Having that support can go a long way.  

Focus on your values and share your experiences

No one is an expert on everything, so focus on what you do know. Take some time to reflect on your accomplishments, no matter how big or small they are. Sharing what you have learned on your journey, whether from your successes or your mistakes, can add value and take them down a new line of innovation. Be clear about what you bring to the table, rather than just worrying about what you don’t.

Share your vulnerability and be okay with saying ‘I don’t know’

Let your mentee know that you don’t have all the answers—and that you’re fine with that. You’re modeling that it’s okay to show vulnerability. Work with your mentee to find out who does have the answers, because you’ll likely have a stronger network than they will. Being vulnerable with yourself, and accepting your limitations, is also an important conversation for you to have.

Celebrate milestones together

You should celebrate every milestone on the way to success. Not every one of your mentee’s successes will be because of your actions, but be okay with that. Celebrate their overall progress and your role in your mentee’s journey. Even if you don’t have all the answers, you’re shaping your mentee’s path to success. As a mentor, you might occasionally feel like an imposter, but your mentees don’t see you in that light. They see you as a leader, guide, cheerleader, and champion.

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