The Out-of-Touch Adults' Guide to Kid Culture: The Horror of Rizzmas Carols

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Generations A and Z contain multitudes. While some kids are gleefully crapping out AI-generated Rizzmas carols—holiday brain-rot so potent it should probably be classified as a controlled substance—other kids are dissecting the work of esoteric 19th-century novelist Robert W. Chambers like they’re in a graduate seminar. And they’re the same kids. So we’re whipsawing between rizz and cosmic horror, with side quests to discover Diddy tag and this year’s hottest Christmas toy. 

What is “67 Rizzmas”?

In what’s becoming a regrettable holiday tradition, the internet has begun releasing rizzmas carols—brainrot versions of beloved seasonal songs. (“Rizz” is slang for charisma, but here it’s just a stand-in for meaningless meme-speak.) In the past, redoing a classic required at least singing over a recording, but the rise of AI has made it nearly effortless to churn out as many brain-rot rizzmas carols as you want—I made Skibiddi Christmas Rizz in 45 seconds. It’s a terrible song; all these songs are terrible, but that doesn’t stop TikTok accounts from churning them out. Perhaps inevitably, one of these AI abominations has become a “hit.” @html.brainrot's "67 on a Merry Rizzmas" has been viewed over 3.7 million times. Set to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and consisting only of meme lyrics, “67” has grown popular enough that 146,000 other videos have used the song. There are meme-heavy dance videos like this:

understandable critiques like this:

and plenty of AI slop like this:

Merry Christmas, I guess. 

Dumb videos are only one symptom of rizzmas fever. There’s also a rizzmas meme coin that one could invest in, if one were stupid, and so many other unfunny, annoying rizzmas carols to listen to. In the unlikely event that you want to hear more rizzmas carols or want to watch videos of people telling you that investing in rizzmas coin will make you rich, go to the hashtag—there are over 12,000 videos to choose from. 

American Girls Wicked dolls sell out

Remember that Christmas when Tickle Me Elmo dolls were so coveted that re-sellers were charging thousands of dollars for them? This year’s Elmo is American Girl’s limited-edition Wicked dolls. Launched in September for $295 each, the Elphaba and Glinda American Girls dolls quickly sold out. Now they’re only available from re-sellers, where they’re commanding prices of up to $1,000, and it’s only the beginning of December. Whether American Girl is going to sell more of the coveted dolls isn’t known, so if a kid in your life has to have one, you’re going to have to go to eBay or fork over half your bank account to a shady guy in a parking lot on Christmas Eve.

Kids are playing “Diddy tag”

According to TikToker @nestaog’s son, the hottest game in elementary school this year is Diddy tag. “Diddy tag is when you tag someone and that person’s Diddy,” the kid said. “He got baby oil,” he added.

TikTok commenters say that kids in their lives are also playing Diddy-based schoolyard games like “Escape from Diddy’s House” and insulting each other by saying, “you’re going to Diddy’s house.”  

Kids were making and playing games based on the convicted sex offender on Roblox too, until the company banned user-created games with names like “Five Nights At Diddy’s,” “Nice Try Diddy,” and “Diddy Survival” from the platform. Roblox reportedly nuked over 600 fan-created experiences about Diddy and Jeffery Epstein from the service. 

So Diddy is clearly on kids’ minds. While it’s concerning that children know enough about him to cast Diddy as the boogeyman in their schoolyard games, if you think back to your own school days, you were probably playing “Ebola Tag,” “Nuclear War,” or “Vietnam.” It’s how kids deal with their fears. And is it really the worst thing for kids to be warning each other to stay away from Diddy? 

Who is Boy Throb and are they a joke?

Boy Throb is an online boy band who wear matching pink track suits and make videos featuring self-consciously cheesy pop songs. Despite online debate and the group's insistence that they are not a joke, Boy Throb is obviously a joke. But it’s a funny joke. 

The group initially went viral on TikTok about a month ago with this video:

According to the band, an immigration lawyer told them they need a million followers so Darshawn, the Indian Boy Throbber, can get a visa so he can “sing and dance in America.” I’m no attorney, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how immigration law works. A couple of days ago, Boy Throb hit their follower goal on TikTok, but their lawyer had another request:

Now they say that, in order for Darshawn to make it here, they need journalists to write a “couple articles of press” about them. Now, I don’t work for Rolling Stone or Readers Digest, but I’d still like to confirm that Darshawn has extraordinary abilities and he should be allowed to sing and dance in America. 

Viral video of the week: Searching for a World That Doesn’t Exist

It would be easy to look at the brainrot memes and general numbskullery of generations A and Z and despair, but there’s a countervailing force of ad-hoc intellectualism that I find fascinating, as evidenced by the fact that Robert W. Chambers is having a viral moment.

Don’t worry if you’re not familiar with the name. Chambers was a popular author in the late 1800s, known for romances and historical novels, but most of his work didn’t stand the test of time like Dickens or Poe—except for half of one collection of short stories. The King in Yellow was published in 1895, and its cosmic horror is different from everything else Chambers wrote. These short stories revolve around a play called The King in Yellow that will drive you mad if you read it. The book has been a cult favorite of horror weirdos since it was published—it’s my personal choice for best piece of horror literature ever written, but it’s esoteric and dense, so it’s strange that The King in Yellow is having a pop culture moment among the young people.

There’s been no shortage of popular culture riffs on The King in Yellow—John Carpenter’s 1994 feature In the Mouth of Madness and the first season of HBO’s True Detective especially—but Chambers’ Yellow King is catching on with the YouTube and Minecraft generation in a bigger way.

This three-and-a-half hour long close reading of the King in Yellow from YouTuber Wendigoon has been viewed over four million times:

In it, Wendigoon illustrates how the titular figure in Chambers’ novel is a malevolent mimetic entity, a supernatural thought-contagion that spreads through information. Chambers was definitely ahead of his time.

Like its namesake, the King spread to even more young people in the form of a Minecraft alternative reality game, courtesy of YouTuber Wifies, whose “Searching for a World That Doesn’t Exist” is this week’s viral video. 

Wifies’ video details the unfortunate adventures of a young gamer who finds a laptop in a storage container and plays Minecraft on it, only to discover a haunted virtual world with plenty of similarities to Chambers’ work. "Searching for a World That Doesn’t Exist" draws its understated dread from a combination of Chambers’ themes and the uncanny alienation of Minecraft itself. It’s subtle and thoughtful—the opposite of brain-rot—and the kids are into it.

“Searching” has been viewed over a million times, Google searches for “The King in Yellow” are through the roof, and fans are responding with tribute videos and memes, and the phrase “Don’t go left” is growing as a catch-all warning. Some kids are probably even reading the book and connecting the constant temptation of forbidden knowledge to their own lives lived entirely online.

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