The higher you climb, the lonelier it gets. Here’s how leaders can stay connected

A few weeks ago, I led a leadership workshop for a group of executive women leaders in Birmingham, Alabama. Before I begin leadership workshops, I ask the participants what they want out of our time together. This year, one answer has emerged consistently on top: connection.

This isn’t surprising. As executives rise to higher levels of leadership, they often report increased feelings of loneliness. One Harvard Business Review survey found that 55% of CEOs acknowledge experiencing moderate but significant bouts of loneliness, while 25% report frequent feelings of loneliness. As your expertise becomes more specialized, it can be harder to find other leaders who understand the unique challenges of the corporate environment, with whom you can connect, learn from, and grow alongside. This is especially true for women leaders, as finding them in the senior ranks becomes less frequent the higher they climb. According to McKinsey, only 29% of C-suite leaders are women.

As an entrepreneur, I’ve felt this, too. As my business grew, I realized that I didn’t have any coworkers to confide in, lean on, and seek counsel from. I had to create this network on my own. I’ve joined business groups, leadership retreats, and mastermind groups to create this support circle.

THE IMPORTANCE OF A LEADERSHIP SUPPORT STRUCTURE

As you advance at work, you can find yourself feeling more alone in the decision-making rooms. For example, if you manage the people who were once your peers and your relationship has evolved, this often means you can no longer rely on them for support as you used to. 

Challenging emotions also arise as your level of decision-making becomes larger and the stakes rise. Neuroscience research shows that when people make decisions under pressure, the brain shifts from thoughtful, deliberate thinking to more automatic, emotion-driven responses. This makes leaders more vulnerable to biased or short-term choices. However, research also shows that strong social support actually dampens the brain’s threat response under pressure, helping leaders think more clearly and make better decisions.

In the era of AI, nurturing relationships is even more essential. One large-scale study on 6,000 UK employees found that technologies like AI are associated with a poorer quality of life. A 2023 analysis in Business Insider also warns that AI tools may make us lonelier at work by replacing quick check-ins with colleagues. Many of my clients echo this sentiment, saying things like, “With the rise of AI, I am constantly wondering if things are fake. Because of this, I crave real relationships more than ever.”

Relationships are not only essential for combating loneliness, but they are also how deals get done, projects get awarded, and people get promoted. Here are some ways to prioritize them, even in the face of digital distraction.

LEVERAGE YOUR SUPPORTERS

Your supporters are the people in the organization who would advocate for you when you are not in the room (and you know it). They have your best interests at heart, and you have built solid relationship capital with them. Supporters are also the people who will give you unfiltered feedback that is focused on helping you advance.  

A good way to leverage your supporters is by asking them to socialize and support initiatives you may be launching. They can also play a critical role in helping you build new relationships in the organization and nurture strained relationships. However, before reaching out, consider what you can offer the relationship in return.

CULTIVATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH “NEUTRALS”

Neutrals are people in the organization whom you don’t know yet, or don’t know well. Maybe they are new, you are new, or you just haven’t crossed paths yet. Organizational network scholars like Ronald Burt have repeatedly shown that people whose relationships bridge otherwise disconnected groups (what he refers to as “structural holes”) receive higher performance evaluations and compensation, because they sit at key points of information and influence in the network. This is why neutrals in key stakeholder positions are critical to build relationships with. One strategy my clients enjoy using to build relationships with neutrals is called a 30:30 meeting. This is an opportunity to invite someone to a meeting or coffee. Thirty minutes are spent understanding them, their vision, goals, and offering your expertise in a way that might help them. The remaining 30 minutes are spent focused on your needs or area of expertise. The key to success in these meetings is that the focus is always on advancing shared goals and values. 

REBUILD CONNECTIONS WITH CHALLENGING PARTNERS

Nearly every executive client I work with has one or two leaders with whom there exists some tension. It could be because individuals frequently stand in the way of their project implementations, or they consistently deny the resources they need to accomplish the work. Strained relationships are a normal occurrence when you work with people whose personalities differ from yours. However, as you advance in leadership, rebuilding these relationships will be essential to accomplish work and leverage organizational resources. 

To rebuild relationships, ask yourself: Do my challenging partners have good relationships with any of my supporters? Your supporters can often be bridge builders here. If you don’t have supporters who can act as bridge builders, this can be a good opportunity to cultivate and strengthen your relationship with neutrals. In times of conflict with challenging partners, it can also be helpful to focus on shared business goals and values, rather than defaulting to your fundamental differences.

NURTURE YOUR NETWORK BEYOND WORK

As an executive coach, the first place I direct clients to is their immediate network of leaders (old colleagues or current colleagues). However, there are also great connection opportunities that you can leverage from your loose network. The next place I encourage them to look is their industry or professional affiliated groups. Because there is a shared common interest of the type of work you do, this is a great place to foster connection through participating in conferences, meet-ups or even online forums. Another example is asking a mutual friend for an introduction to someone whose work you admire. 

The most effective leaders are not the most self-sufficient, but they often are the most connected. In a world where digital technology and AI are shrinking everyday interactions, relationships become your most valuable and tangible resources.

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