Finding balance isn’t an act. It’s a choice

For the first time that I can remember, this year I was completely enthralled by the Winter Olympics. In fact, I don’t think I’d ever watched the Winter Games before, but it really caught my attention this go-round. One event that really stood out for me was the skeleton.

For the uninitiated (like I was just a month ago), the skeleton is a slide-based sport where athletes lie face down, headfirst, on a small slide going 80 mph down an icy, declining slope. On the surface, it doesn’t look like it requires much from the athlete but to lie down and hang on for dear life until crossing the finish line.

But upon further inspection, the sport is far more intricate, requiring the athlete to make subtle adjustments with their shoulders, knees, and even their toes to control and steer the sled. The slightest weight shifts can make the difference between first place and last. As if the Olympics weren’t competitive enough, the margin of error in this event is miniscule.

I was fascinated, particularly about the idea of finding balance. There’s so much talk about work-life balance, work-self balance, and just about any other “something-something” balance where the two somethings seem to be at odds with each other. To find balance, we make subtle adjustments throughout our days and weeks—blocking off time, making time, taking time—in hopes of steering our lives and maintaining control of ourselves. However, according to Misan Harriman, balance is less of an “act” and more of a series of choices that informs action; it’s not what we decide to do but who we choose to be.

Raw and honest moments of humanity

Harriman is a photographer, activist, and Oscar-nominated filmmaker whose work has been prominently featured in publications like Vogue, celebrated on awards stages, and widely shared throughout the zeitgeist. His work captures the raw and honest moments of humanity—in resistance, grief, joy, and all the many manifestations of our true existence.

Our conversation with Harriman on the From the Culture podcast explored the balancing act of profitability and principle, where he argues that “profit at all costs” carries a heavy price tag that can cost us our authenticity. We make decisions at work that call into question the integrity of who we perceive ourselves to be outside of the office. 

Tech CEOs sell products to schools that they hardly ever let their own children use. Managers treat their subordinates in ways that would anger them if it were something their spouse had to endure. Whether it’s the way we communicate with peers or manage our presentation of self at work, far too often there is an imbalance between ourselves—who we say we are and how we are. Our inconsistent performances of self not only cause harm in our work but can also cause a crisis of authenticity.  

Fittingly, sociologist Erving Goffman likens the theatrical stage to the dynamics of social living, borrowing from William Shakespeare’s comedy As You Like It, where he writes, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”

Our presentation of self, as Goffman posits, is a choice we make. We decide which character we choose to play in social life. This choice subsequently demands a series of decisions that coincides with said character. The costumery. The script. The mannerisms. The exits and entrances. They are all by-products of the character we choose to play. That is to say, who we choose to be informs how we choose to be.

A choice of character 

Through this lens, the balancing act of work-life or work-self is a choice of character and commitment to it. And although we attempt to balance the existence of two characters with adjustments here and there, like the athletes in the skeleton event, these seemingly subtle shifts of self can have tremendous impact. The idea then is to remain true to self, one character that is consistent despite the context. This is, after all, the definition of authenticity.

As Goffman warns, we should pay mind to the mask we choose to wear because if we aren’t careful, our mask could soon become our face. This means we have agency in the matter. We can decide who we want to be and, therefore, how we’re going to behave. We have a choice; but when we don’t choose, the context will certainly choose for us.

Check out our full conversation with Misan Harriman on the latest episode of From the Culture here on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

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