3 phrases no one should ever say in a negotiation

I like to say that I spend most of my life negotiating—and if you consider your own work and life, you just might feel the same. My career has been full of back-and-forth: I sat across tables negotiating agreements for Christie’s for over two decades as Global Managing Director of Strategic Partnerships; I stand on stages around the world as a charity auctioneer, negotiating prices up to maximize fundraising; and I founded a talent agency that requires me to negotiate pay and conditions on behalf of my clients. To top it all off, I’m a mom of three kids. 

Over the years, I have listened to many people unknowingly sink their own negotiations with a mistake as simple as using the wrong language, revealing their inexperience and lack of confidence in one sentence.

Here are three phrases you should avoid if you want to come out on top in your negotiations every single time:

1. Is it okay if I ask for . . . ?

One of the most important things to remember in any negotiation is to project confidence from the minute the conversation begins. I have watched innumerable people show a lack of confidence and subpar negotiating skills in the first couple of minutes of the negotiation with this phrase. If you begin a negotiation asking “Is it okay if I ask for . . . ?” you have made me the authority, which gives me the upper hand. As an auctioneer, I never look out into the audience and ask the bidder for the next increment—I tell them the number and then wait for them to agree. 

This doesn’t mean you need to walk into a negotiation acting aggressive or assertive if that is not your natural demeanor. In fact, it is better if you act naturally when you walk into the room, so that the person sitting across from you feels comfortable and relaxed. Body language is a telltale sign that you are in control of the situation. If you are the type of person who likes to overexplain or ask for permission, practice the negotiation with friends and family before you walk in the room and get comfortable sitting in silence. 

Remember, in a negotiation, confident silence will always be your greatest asset. The person who speaks and asks too much will usually come out with less than they wanted. Negotiation is about gaining the upper hand from the minute you sit down . . . and keeping the upper hand until the DocuSign has been completed.

2. Do you think my number is too high?

To set the right tone for a negotiation, it is important that you appear to be in control at all times. If you have done your prep work, you should set your “LMH” number in advance of the meeting. Your L is your Low (walk away) number. Your M is your medium number; you would feel comfortable accepting this offer. Lastly, your H is your high number; would be thrilled to get this in exchange for what you are providing.

By thinking this through before the negotiation, you should feel confident you won’t give away more than you want or accept less than you should in the heat of negotiation. Even better, this means you don’t need to ask the question of the person across the table because you already know what you will accept for the service or product you provide. If they want it, fantastic! If not, you already know what it will take for you to walk away. 

Also note that a shrewd negotiator will go into a negotiation expecting that a higher number will be stated to start the negotiation. Good negotiators expect the person across the table to be good at negotiating until proven otherwise. If you don’t feel like a confident negotiator, asking if your number is too high will only show them you don’t feel confident that what you are asking for is worth the number you have put out there. Instead of asking, state your number and let them react to it before continuing the negotiation.

3. I will just wait to hear back from you about next steps.

When I stand onstage at an auction watching two bidders battle it out to win the item, the minute I slam down the gavel and read out the paddle number, I recommend the winning bidder’s credit card number be charged as soon as possible. I learned a long time ago that buyer’s remorse is real, and things that are purchased in the heat of an auction battle might not be as appealing outside of a crowded room of people cheering on the bidders. I have seen the same thing happen in a negotiation. 

A negotiation is not done until the contract is signed—so make sure to take the initiative to follow up immediately and ensure everything you discussed is ready to be finalized as soon as possible. The sooner you finalize the deal, the sooner you can get on to your next successful negotiation.

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