How to get along with anyone based on your conflict triggers and style

In business and sports, team dynamics impact outcomes. Whether you’re pursuing profits or championships, knowing what triggers your teammates can help you avoid conflict and stay on task. The problem is that taking time to better understand each other isn’t always our default setting, say John Eliot and Jim Guinn, authors of How To Get Along with Anyone: The Playbook for Predicting and Preventing Conflict at Work and at Home.

“Blowups appear to be substance-driven, but they’re actually people-driven,” says Eliot. “The first step toward preventing and resolving conflict is to focus on figuring out the people participating in it not the underlying ‘problem.’”

To work well with others, Guinn and Eliot recommend learning your teammates’ conflict triggers and go-to method of resolution. 

Three Conflict Triggers

There are three distinct types of conflict, according to Eliot and Guinn. Not all conflicts trigger all people, and it’s common to have a blind spot for your own. 

Task conflict centers on getting things done. The person who is triggered by this type is goal- and deadline-driven. Their attitude is one where the ends justify the means.

Process conflict centers on the way things get done. Someone who is bothered by process conflict doesn’t focus on end goals or delivery dates. They care about methods, systems, or policies with a “my way or the highway” attitude.

Relational conflict involves the people in disagreement and their habits, preferences, or tastes. In this case, the parties will fight over anything simply because they don’t like one another. If there is no objective reason for a dispute, it’s likely relational.

You can determine if a conflict type has triggered someone by watching how quickly they bring up the problem and if their tone changes. 

“Knowing someone’s hot buttons can help you prevent a lot of conflict,” says Eliot. “You know what situation you should or should not go to with this person.”

Five Conflict Personalities

How we handle conflict also follows patterns. When riled by one another, Eliot and Guinn say humans instinctively avoid, compete, analyze, collaborate, or accommodate, forming five go-to conflict personalities. 

The avoider sits back and waits to see if a conflict escalates before getting involved. This style lends itself to work efficiency and would rather get a job done themselves than delegate it. However, an avoider will also let a conflict fester or grow before resolving it.

The competitor personality likes action and results. They prefer doing, and they thrive on clearly defined protocols. The downside is that a competitor can become impatient, rushing work, and they are often seen as being hard-nosed and inflexible.

The analyzer has a penchant for evidence-based decision-making. They are patient and good at listening and gathering information. The weakness of an analyzer is that they can struggle with tight deadlines. They can also appear as controlling.

The collaborator is a great communicator and has strong empathy for others. They make a good partner; however, they can lack time-management skills and are more prone to burnout. 

Finally, the accommodator is great at teamwork. In sports, they are the quarterback, often charismatic with an ability to account for different team members’ needs. Their weakness is that they’re often ego-driven, trying to do everything themselves. 

Conflict personality types and triggers work hand in hand. For example, someone who has a competitive conflict-handling approach will often be triggered by process. “You don’t want to [resolve the conflict] with a lot of small talk,” says Guinn. “Instead, use what’s called the ‘domino technique.’ Knock the biggest issue first, which will knock over all of the minor issues.”

If someone has an analyzer personality style, they can be triggered by task conflicts, especially if they feel they are being rushed. Resolve this type of conflict with what Guinn calls a “momentum process.” “Identify and knock out the most inconsequential issues, one punch at a time,” he says. “Then move onto relevant issues that represent low-hanging fruit.”

By understanding triggers and go-to styles for addressing them, you can get on the front side of conflict, predicting and preventing problems, says Guinn.

“In order to have good teams, you don’t need to have a complex understanding of psychology,” he says. “Just take a couple of simple steps in terms of listening and understanding. Know what tone of voice to use and what pace to move with this person. These are simple things everybody can do. Little steps go a long way in relationship- and team-building.”

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