Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I work at a feminist tech company. Our app is focused on sex and intimacy. We’re a very small team, primarily remote, but every month we have an in-person get-together and workshop. The issue is with the CEO of the company, who also oversees all the engineers. I’m not an engineer and I don’t report to him, but I am in a director role and the nature of my job does mean that I have to talk to him a lot. For the most part, I respect this man professionally. I think he leads the engineers well, and he takes my advice seriously when it’s about something I’m clearly the expert in. However, he’s a chronic over-sharer, discusses things that make me uncomfortabl…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss punished me for an HR investigation on her way out the door A little over a year ago, I started in a new workplace. Things seemed great at first — much less stress and a more regular schedule than my previous job, great coworkers, and when I had a significant health scare requiring multiple surgeries (I’m fine now) shortly after starting, my manager was really supportive. As the honeymoon period waned, however, it became clear that there were a lot of serious boundary issues with our manager — lots of “we’re a family” style issues. Inappropriate, boundary-crossing things were being said, things that made a lot …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss told me I’m being annoying I’m in my mid-20s and work in a pretty casual office. We provide customer support for ticket buyers. I was promoted to membership/subscription package supervisor about six months ago. My boss oscillates between praising my attention to detail and criticizing me for second-guessing her. Yesterday I spoke up in a meeting with her and two other employees to give more detail on something. Her tone shifted and she said that I was being really annoying that day, but I brushed it off at the time. The next day, when I went to ask her a clarifying question about a credit card dispute, she sa…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss says three female employees having dinner together would be discrimination I recently organized a dinner with two of my closest colleagues/friends. It was planned outside of work hours and paid for personally. The dinner grew to include the three other women employees. When my supervisor found out, he said it was gender discrimination because none of the 15 male employees were invited. Without naming names, he made a public announcement about it at our next department meeting. Is it gender discrimination if women coworkers want to have dinner together in their own social time? Aren’t women a protected legal cl…

A reader writes: I am not sure how to handle this situation. It has made a couple of coworkers and me uncomfortable and honestly just doesn’t make sense. Situation: A female coworker was in the bathroom. She started her period that day but didn’t have any feminine hygiene products at work. She texted me, asking if I could bring her a pad or tampon. I grabbed a pad, walked to the staff bathroom, and handed her the pad under the stall wall. Our boss somehow heard what happened and got very upset. The boss told me that was incredibly unprofessional, she would NEVER give a coworker a feminine hygiene product, and even called a meeting with five other people to discuss me g…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss says my salary research is wrong because our benefits are so great I recently received a promotion with a significant increase in job responsibilities and found myself negotiating salary for the first time in my career. My state requires salary ranges to be posted with job descriptions, so I have a good idea what other companies in our industry are offering for my role and my years of experience, and I asked for a similar amount, about 10% higher than what I was offered. My manager wanted to know how I came up with the new number, so I point…

A reader writes: I was recently out to lunch with my manager and a client we’ve worked with for many years. We were talking about how the shift to WFH has changed the way we approach certain parts of our job and how we feel our companies get more work out of us than ever before because we aren’t chatting with folks in the office/going out to lunch/etc. nearly as much – all standard conversation these days. Then my manager (with whom I generally have a good relationship) said something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about: “I don’t believe that people who work from home should take sick days.” I was honestly flummoxed! I sputtered something about illnesses lik…

A reader writes: My job is 99% remote with some on-site event expectations. On-site events are typically mandatory, which is fine with me. I recently asked for events to be either predictable (e.g., first Friday in August) or to have lots of notice, so we can schedule vacations or things like dental cleanings around those events. During the conversation, my manager said that even when we were fully on-site, she sometimes had to move appointments if her boss scheduled a meeting. She gave the example of a short-notice 9 am meeting the next day and thus needing to move her kids’ appointments. That gave me pause. I understand rescheduling things like haircuts or some type…

A reader writes: I work for a small company, only eight people. Every December, we receive all kinds of gifts from vendors and clients – gift baskets, cookies, candy, wine, and so forth. These are usually accompanied by cards making it clear that the gifts are intended for the whole office to thank us for our work that year. Sometimes people even drop off gifts in person, and they will say things like, “This is for the whole office to enjoy.” Every time, my boss will take the gifts into his own office so no one else can have any of them, or he takes them home for his family. The only time we ever get to enjoy the gifts ourselves is if it’s something he doesn’t like. (Th…

I was told to stay off screens for a few days last week due to a possible concussion (I’m fine), so today and tomorrow will include some posts from the archives. This was originally published in 2015. A reader writes: I took employment at a nonprofit as an economic researcher about seven months ago. Overall, I love my job and what I get to do and helping people, but there is one major issue: My boss, who is the founder and head of the organization, thinks he is a mayan shaman. I am not joking. He spends crazy amounts of money (sometimes company money) to fund his “spiritual projects” and recently has been telling me to do ludicrous projects like comparing chakra colors…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. A medical tech repeatedly proselytized to me An experience I had recently with a medical provider has me wondering if what I felt to be inappropriate and unprofessional is a behavior worth raising with my doctor, who owns the practice. I live in area of the south where most people assume that everyone is Christian and believes in God — the kind of place where wishing someone “Happy Holidays” is likely to result in a tonally aggressive reply of “Merry Christmas.” Usually I let religious speak in various businesses just roll off me. I recently underwent TMS treatment for chronic, major depression. As part of that, I re…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss told a coworker I’m full of myself I was hired from outside the organization two months ago to turn a lagging department around. My boss, the CEO, was hired from outside about eight months ago for the same reason. This week my peer told me, “I told Boss that he knocked it out of the park hiring you. He said ‘Yep, and she really sings her praises, too.’” I’m sooo embarrassed. I had no idea that I’d made any comments that came across that way, let alone enough to be a trend. My confidence is badly shaken. I have been critical to my boss about many things I have found going on in my division, and then I have ou…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. I worked for a married couple and the husband told his wife we had an affair — but we didn’t I quit my retail management job two years ago over work/life balance issues and started working as a private home chef for a wealthy married couple. Long story short, the wife caught the husband having an affair and rather than admit who it was with and have to stop seeing her, he lied that it was me! She fired me. He apologized to explain himself and tried to give me money, but I was furious and told him off. So I’m on my own now. I need to look for a new …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss told me I had to be on camera while sick My department hosts a monthly zoom meeting to a large audience. That week I was working from home with a terrible cold (coughing, sneezing, runny nose, the whole package). The day the meeting was scheduled to occur, I emailed my manager excusing myself for not having my camera on as I was sick. She emailed me back with, “Please be camera ready for the meeting, all participants are expected to be on camera.” I was not presenting; I am just required to attend, and not having my camera on would not pose any disruption to the meeting. I didn’t have the energy to even reply …

A reader writes: I’m not quite a year out from graduating college. I left my first “professional” job after only eight months (due to a workload that required us working seven days a week, a manager who texted our personal cellphones at all hours and days demanding answers about work tasks, etc.) and just started my second job in a much lower-paying field about two months ago. At my first job, my manager wanted to be cc’d on everything … and I mean everything. He’d complain if he was not cc’d on the most mundane of emails, and even requested that our broader 12-person team would be included as well. This was even for things that were extremely specific to me, such as re…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I have a question about something that happened early in my career. Obviously there’s nothing I can do to change the past, but I’m curious about whether I had options I didn’t know about due to my inexperience. Immediately out of college, I was hired to work for a religious nonprofit organization. I started by working in their after-school program and eventually moved in to a supervisor position. My manager, “Simon,” and I got along really well for a couple of years (we were close in age and I’d say I considered him a friend), but in my third year at the organization, his attitude to…

A reader writes: I’ve been working at this smallish company for five and a half years now. I started as the office manager when we were nine people and now we’re approaching 50. I am a friendly person and have great relationships with many of my coworkers. We’re a friendly group, but strangely with my manager, I genuinely feel total invisible to him. In my many years of working, this is a weird experience for me. I’ve always had very good relationships with my managers. A few examples of what I mean: This morning I walked into the office and he’s standing talking to my coworker (he’s also her manager) and he’s looking right at me as I walk by and I look at him and say,…

A reader writes: My generally good manager recently gave me a dressing-down over a statement I made in a meeting. During the ensuing discussion, it came out that she relies on body language and facial expressions to figure out what people are “really thinking.” I knew that she does something like that, because every time she assigns me a task, she will keep explaining why it’s necessary well after I’ve agreed, so now I fake enthusiasm. Similarly, I proactively explain even the tiniest twinge of hesitation I think might have made its way to my facial expression, because she’s going to ask me about it anyway and then refuse to take “no concerns” for an answer. However, de…

A reader writes: I hold a leadership role and report to the co-founders of a small company, which has both an office hub and a remote workforce. The co-founders work in the office, and my team and I work remotely. Lately, a fitness tracking device that also monitors sleep and stress levels became popular in the office. It seems like nearly everyone in the office got one, and they started a global group that compares performance and it became a friendly competition. My boss, one of the co-founders, asked me to buy one so I can be part of the competition. When I refused to pay $240 for something I didn’t intend on buying, they offered to pay for it. I feel pressured to s…

A reader writes: I have been working at my company for three years now. In that time, I have been to the office approximately once. My work is pretty solitary and doesn’t require me to be in the office. Only a few people in the organization are required to go to the office every day. I am not one of them and neither is my supervisor. Nobody I work with directly is required to go to the office on a regular basis. They can go, but it is not required. My original supervisor was fine with my team only meeting in person for holiday parties, but she left last year. My new supervisor really wants to get me into the office more. She was surprised I had never been there, and wa…

A reader writes: I work for a local government office that is being affected by the federal chaos. We currently have a hiring freeze and expect to lose several key positions when Congress finally passes a budget. Best case scenario is that the dozen or so positions we have open will be eliminated. Worst case is that one of our largest departments will be shuttered and another will be severely downsized. My team is not federally funded but is taking on a lot of the work previously done by the vacant positions. My grandboss, who came to us from the private sector just this year, feels bad that he can’t give us raises or bonuses to reward us for all the extra work we’re do…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My boss watches me by video call while I work I’m a 100% teleworker in the research field, which I love. The problem is my boss believes mentoring me means watching me via video call as I work. I’ve asked my boss to stop (firmly but nicely) and reported it to my boss’s supervisor who was horrified. Even our supreme boss stepped in, but not much has changed. She has lessened up slightly but now complains she can’t mentor me right because of my “complaining.” Any advice on how to reinforce some boundaries? Is this just a typical part of remote work…

A reader writes: I am in an unusual position at work and I wondered what your point of view on this would be. For context on this: I work remotely and almost never see my coworkers in person. If I did, this situation would be a lot sillier than it already is. I work for a close-knit, very interdependent team in a small company. I first told my manager I was pregnant once I finished my first trimester, so that I’d get permission to attend appointments. He asked me not to tell my coworkers until he and my grandparent manager had figured out a plan for my absence. Assuming it wouldn’t be long, I was happy to wait. But it is now less than two months until my maternity lea…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I want your help in understanding what, if anything, I can/should do about the way my boss talks about herself. I like my boss, but it’s exhausting! My organization recently went through huge layoffs, so everyone feels overworked and off-balance. As part of that I got a new boss. I get the feeling she’s nervous about doing a good job, and wants us all to like her. I do like her! But during 1-1s and team meetings, she tends to monologue — and it’s all overly personal, self-deprecating, or sad. Too-intimate details about her personal health, negative comments about her body, “funny” st…

A reader writes: I’m absolutely prepared for you to tell me there is nothing I can do about this at all besides ignore it, but I REALLY need to change my thinking around my boss’s parenting choices, which I find bizarre and am frankly tired of hearing about. My boss’s adult daughter and 13-year-old grandchild live with her. The daughter doesn’t work but often needs my boss to babysit. Fine, this is her business. But when she leaves work to do it, she gives us a convoluted and overly detailed explanation of why, every time. This has the effect of making it seem much more annoying than it would be otherwise, especially if we’re in the middle of a deliverable or project. …