Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I hired a promising junior employee who seemed polite and reasonable during his interview. However, now that he is my employee, he constantly condescends to me and says things that come across in a belittling way. Here are some examples: Me: “Bob, I was going to train you on how to do X today.” Bob, with a dismissive laugh: “Yeah, I was wondering when you were going to get to that.” Me: “Bob, has anyone shown you how to do Y yet?” Bob, with a dismissive laugh and a shrug: “How hard can it be?” Me: “I just noticed an issue with the X documentation and wanted to make sure I corrected that so you have the right information.” Bob, with a dismissive lau…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. How can we create a schedule that’s fair to people with and without kids? (#2 at the link) Since our job is very flexible in terms of how to manage/create your off-of-direct-customer-facing-service schedule, I think coworkers were getting a little opportunistic about the lack of oversight in order to create these very ideal (for them) schedules. I kind of mentally handed back the scheduling to the people who wanted a lot of accommodation or to cut up our normal scheduling bl…

A reader writes: This is hard for me to write. I’m a woman in my late forties with two grown children. I remember how stressful it was a decade ago, when my kids were little, to keep them out of earshot during conference calls on the rare days I could work from home. In my current role, I have dotted-line management responsibility for “Steve,” who has two children under four. We’re a fully remote company, and all meetings are on video with cameras on. Steve often has one of his children on his lap during both internal and external calls. His spouse works from home part-time, but he still seems to be the primary caregiver for at least part of the workday. I’m conflicted…

Remember the letter-writer who was struggling to get their email inbox under control? Here’s the update. I was the person who was overwhelmed by my inbox and was looking for help to manage high volume comms. Overall, the chaos of busy season was definitely easier to manage this year, even though the volume of email did increase up to around 300+ a day in the peak season, likely because I have been in my role longer so more people know me and like to ask me stuff. I really appreciated the commentariat suggestions and would love anyone to add any more systems and hacks – and to those who manage 1000+ emails a day, I take my hat off to you! What worked: * Having set times…

A reader writes: I had a new employee start on a Tuesday. That Friday, I woke up to a text from my new hire from the night before, saying that she would not be in on Friday, that something had come up and she would see me on Monday. This is an in-person job in a corporate environment. I fully respect a person’s right to take a sick day and I feel nobody is obligated to share personal details, but I also don’t feel like “something came up” quite cuts it, especially on what would be your fourth day on the job. I’m looking for some guidance on where to set my expectations (regardless of this person working out or not). Am I out of line to feel “something came up” feels in…

A reader writes: I manage a team of four. One of my staff members, Jeff, asked to go to a conference that was about a five-hour drive away. I approved the request as the conference would be good for his professional development. Three other staff members from our closely connected teams were also going. Jeff registered for the conference. A couple weeks later, he asked me about booking a flight to it. I was surprised by this, as the conference was a reasonable driving distance. I explained that the department would rent a van and the attendees would drive there together. (Our department wants to minimize expenses where reasonable, so this is norm unless it doesn’t make …

A reader writes: Recreational marijuana is legal in my state, but I don’t necessarily want my independent retail store to smell of it, given that we want to give our customers a pleasant shopping experience. I myself get migraines and other adverse health effects from the strong smell of it and cigarette smoke, not to mention that I’m asthmatic, but I don’t want to police my employees in their free time. However, my employee has started to arrive at work reeking of it. Their belongings and their personal space radiate the smell by at least 10-20 feet, so between them being at the front and their belongings in the back, half the store smells of it. I am very new at mana…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: The Scandalous Confessions of Lydia Bennet, Witch, by Melinda Taub. In this amusing retelling of Pride and Prejudice, Lydia is a witch, Kitty is a cat (although thanks to a spell, everyone but Lydia believes she’s another Bennet sister), and Mr. Wickham is a literal demon. (Amazon, Bookshop) Please enjoy this painting of Laurie by extremely talented reader Istra, inspired by this ridiculous photo! Here are more. * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weeken…

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – January 30, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

I’m off sick, so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2016. A reader writes: I’m currently interviewing for a new position with a company that works remotely. Over the past two weeks, I’ve had 10+ video calls with every member of the small team, along with a bunch of unpaid work tests that have included everything from client proposals to personality tests. It’s starting to feel like a full-time job just interviewing with them. I was willing to do all of this because the company is one that I know well with a social mission that I really believe in. I was even willing to accept that they are paying a good $20k below what is normal. I…

A reader writes: I have a few employees who have told us they do not celebrate birthdays, but they do sit to eat the lunch the company buys for the birthday person and then leave when it’s time to sing “happy birthday.” (One of them asks for cake after everyone goes back to work.) These same employees say they do not observe holidays and do not attend parties (like the employee Christmas party), but they say they can receive the Christmas bonus that the company gives out. Would the company be in the wrong not to invite them to the lunch or give them a monetary Christmas bonus since we are trying to comply with their religious beliefs? Yes, the company would be 100% in…

A reader writes: A new grad (“Eva”) joined our team about six months ago. She had previously interned with us and had really impressed us with her knowledge, efficiency, and proactive approach. As a seasoned member of the team, I went out of my way to be kind, helpful, and patient with Eva as she learned the ropes. She had tons of questions, which is to be expected at first. However, things started to sour when she began messaging me non-stop about things unrelated to work and excessively badmouthing another coworker, even calling him vulgar names (on the company’s internal messaging platform!). I began to feel that Eva’s messages were crossing a major line and asked he…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. Remember the letter-writer wondering if they could ask their coworkers to tell them to shut up when they were talking too much? Here’s the update. I was the person who wrote in a moment of desperation trying to figure out how to stop myself from endlessly talking with/at coworkers and posed the idea of having a button made to tell people to tell me to hush (you know it was bad times when that sounded like a good idea). Warning for cont…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My boss watches me by video call while I work I’m a 100% teleworker in the research field, which I love. The problem is my boss believes mentoring me means watching me via video call as I work. I’ve asked my boss to stop (firmly but nicely) and reported it to my boss’s supervisor who was horrified. Even our supreme boss stepped in, but not much has changed. She has lessened up slightly but now complains she can’t mentor me right because of my “complaining.” Any advice on how to reinforce some boundaries? Is this just a typical part of remote work…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My new employer won’t let me wear my wedding ring I’m getting ready to start my new job in a fast-moving but rather conservative industry. I’m starting as an assistant but have the possibility of advancing up to management throughout my career here. Last week, I had a meeting with the woman who is going to be my supervisor and we finalized things like my salary, work hours, etc. She also spent a significant amount of time making sure I understood the dress code, as it is very strict, even stricter than many other offices. There were things like onl…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My daughter’s managers complained to me about her work My daughter is 19 but lives at home. She has had a full-time job at a local daycare center ever since graduating high school. I dropped by her place of employment the other day to tell her something. All three managers were in the front office. I smiled and greeted them with, “Hi. How’s it going?” I was shocked when, instead of the standard response, I got a barrage of complaints from all three about my daughter’s work performance. Apparently, she’s been repeatedly written up for neglect of saf…

Inspired by yesterday’s letter about someone who vastly overshared personal mental health details with clients, let’s talk about oversharing at work! Over the years we’ve heard about oversharing in the forms of a colleague who showed an explicit slideshow of her baby’s birth, a boss who kept sharing drama between his current wife and his ex-wife, a coworker who felt the need to share that her husband didn’t like her Brazilian bikini wax, a brand new hire who kept asking everyone whether he should cheat on his wife, and much more. Let’s discuss workplace oversharing in the comment section. The post let’s discuss TMI: when coworkers overshare at work appeared first on As…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Employee misses a ton of work and we don’t know what to do I manage the manager of a newer employee. We’re outside the U.S., where everyone has generous paid vacation and sick leave. The problem is that she takes long vacations at inconvenient times and far more sick days than average. Taken together, these absences are creating real strain on the team. Because some of it may be health-related, I’m not confident about how to address it. Since starting a year ago, she has taken far more (five times more) sick leave than her peers, often on Fridays or Mondays or on days with important deadlines and presentations. Her wo…

A reader writes: I’m writing for some advice on how to help my mentee set expectations at work. I work at a small educational site. Alice came to us through an independent living program for young adults with disabilities, and she was absolutely fantastic as a volunteer. She was extremely passionate about the work and already had independently picked up a bunch of extremely niche skills (for anonymity let’s say it’s reconstructing historical rice sculptures) that would normally take years of training, so most of the guidance I was giving her was more in relation to her soft skills and building confidence in her own abilities. She also has A Lot going on in her personal …

I don’t know what to say about what’s happening that won’t sound performative, but business as usual doesn’t feel okay right now. It’s not okay. I’m honestly not sure how to meet this moment with a blog about work. But I’m here, and I’m horrified. If you are, too, here are some ways you can help. Contact your elected representatives. Here’s one script. Here’s another. Here’s a letter you can send. A hub of organizations, fundraisers, mutual aid needs, and more: Stand With Minnesota American Civil Liberties Union ACLU of Minnesota Community rapid response and ICE observation trainings: Unidos MN The post some ways to help right now appeared first on Ask a Manager. …

A reader writes: I’ve read your stuff on why it’s problematic for supervisors to avoid one-on-one meetings with supervisees, but what about peer coworkers? One of my coworkers, “Ariel,” makes me uncomfortable because she tends to assume the worst possible version of what someone says or project a different version entirely. Any disagreement with her, even about the most abstract issues phrased delicately and professionally, is taken personally. She also tends to assume (and share verbally) that the only motives anyone could have for even a slightly different opinion from hers is bigotry or unintelligence. Part of this seems to stem from her having preemptively decided …

A reader writes: I am not sure how to handle this situation. It has made a couple of coworkers and me uncomfortable and honestly just doesn’t make sense. Situation: A female coworker was in the bathroom. She started her period that day but didn’t have any feminine hygiene products at work. She texted me, asking if I could bring her a pad or tampon. I grabbed a pad, walked to the staff bathroom, and handed her the pad under the stall wall. Our boss somehow heard what happened and got very upset. The boss told me that was incredibly unprofessional, she would NEVER give a coworker a feminine hygiene product, and even called a meeting with five other people to discuss me g…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Should I tell people at the company we just acquired what they’re in for? A few years ago, I started at a small company which within a year of me joining was acquired by a massive international company based on the opposite coast. At the time, my boss and the now (forcibly) retired owner were told that we would still be able to be largely independent, with more support for the work we do currently. It wasn’t until all the paperwork was signed, sealed, and delivered that everyone realized this couldn’t be further from the truth. Staff and offices we were promised wouldn’t be touched have been gutted. Our workload has a…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss did a racist impression of a coworker I’m on a small, mostly autonomous support team in a medium-sized company. We had company-wide training yesterday. My coworker Amy couldn’t attend in person because of a winter storm/flight situation. Amy is black, and the other three of us are white. My team, and many others, went to a hotel bar after the training. After several beers, my boss Fergus quoted Amy — in poor English, with a thick, fake African (think: Nigerian) accent. Amy has a bit of a (South African) accent and is self conscious about it, which Fergus knows, and has no issues with English. It went over like…

I was told to stay off screens for a few days last week due to a possible concussion (I’m fine), so this was originally published in 2020. A reader writes: Recently, a coworker and I were assigned to go on a business trip for a work conference. It was held at a convention center in a different part of the state about two and a half hours away. We’d be taking a company car, and the drive there during rush hour can be horrendous. My manager and I agreed it would be best to leave early in the morning to beat most of the traffic. My coworker and I were supposed to meet at our office and leave at 5:30 am. 5:45 rolled around and my coworker still wasn’t at the office. I trie…