Performance Tracking and Feedback

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Coworker who (probably) has a crush keeps hanging out at my desk I was hoping I could get your advice on dealing with a coworker who won’t leave me alone (“Greg”) and is making me increasingly uncomfortable. I’m a woman in my 20s and Greg is a decade older than me. He asked me out a few months ago and I rejected him, and he hasn’t asked me out since. We are under the same organization and our work overlaps somewhat. Greg works in another building and frequently comes over to mine. While he says he has meetings in my building, he will often come to my desk and sit next to me to chat. He starts awkward, banal conversati…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My remote team does annoying ice-breakers in all our meetings My fully remote team has a habit of arranging quite annoying ice breakers/team building exercises for our meetings. In the past these have included: draw your mood on the whiteboard, guess the song and sing a few bars, and others which I find too intrusive and infantile for a work context (they honestly seem like activities you would do with small children). These activities are arranged by the team admin, but seem to have the approval of the team manager. Other team members look uncomfortable during these activities, but because of our relationship (we mos…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Is a credit for child care expenses fair to employees without kids? Recently a viral video and announcement has gone around of a company offering credits up to $3,000 a month for child care expenses. This is fantastic! However, as a child-free person I’m concerned about a benefit worth tens of thousands of dollars a year only being offered to a segment of employees who have young children. When point this out, am I the bad guy? How can a workplace support all their employees? I don’t think you’re the bad guy. I do think, though, that child care expenses are in a different category than nearly anything else — this coun…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. Know-it-all coworker talks over everyone (and is often wrong) We have a new employee, “Sam,” who thinks she knows everything. She has lots of experience in a closely related field, but has never done this specific job, nor has she worked in our region (the details of our work are location-specific.) Whenever someone speaks, Sam jumps into the conversation. It does not matter if the speaker was clearly addressing someone else. Sam talks over people, interrupts, and answers questions that were not directed toward her. When she does this, she is condescending and rude, and very confidently dispenses wrong information. Sh…

A reader writes: I have a truly excellent employee on my team, “Dave.” He is bright, diligent, always volunteers for extra tasks and responsibility, and his work product is very high quality. I’m going to need to provide an annual review of Dave soon and I feel like I owe him more than “you’re doing everything perfectly, keep up the good work.” I worry that endless praise may seem disingenuous, and it might appear to Dave that I‘m not invested in coming up with ways to meaningfully coach him/help him improve. I’ll add that Dave and I were also coworkers/casual friends before I got promoted (though I think we’ve very successfully navigated into a manger/employee relation…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker reacts out loud when reading about politics I work at a front desk position at a cultural institution, and usually there is a lot of down time at my job. I love this aspect of the job and usually spend several hours a day reading. There are almost always two people on staff, so there are a few different people I will work alongside for the entire day. One of my coworkers verbally reacts to a lot of things that they are looking at during this otherwise quiet time. This person will laugh abruptly and very loudly, or will make comments into the silence like “oh wow” or “ew, that’s horrible.” Sometimes these r…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My well-intentioned coworker keeps commenting on my phone calls I sit in a bank of cubicles with a young colleague in his first ever job. He’s very sweet and well-intentioned, but his efforts at making conversation are making me a little uncomfortable. For context, I am about two levels above him in our hierarchy, but he’s in a completely different business group and our work has no overlap whatsoever. I do not know anyone else on his team — we sit in an “miscellaneous overflow” section of the office (which is not ideal, but not currently changeable). Every day, he comments on how many meetings I have and what my sche…

A reader writes: I recently hired a new administrative employee. His job is to answer phones, greet guests, and complete various tasks I assign to him. His customer service skills are strong, but his attention to detail is very weak. I have given a lot of feedback and training, but he continues to make basic mistakes and misses almost every deadline I give him. But he is constantly telling me how great of a job he’s doing. He routinely tells me things like, “You are going to be so happy when I show you what I’ve done for you!” or “You are going to love me, I am making your life so much easier!” and then hands me a report that I have to spend a half hour correcting. Yest…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Manager husband is cheating with a much younger employee A very dear friend of mine has recently learned that her husband/partner of 10 years has been cheating on her. They work together, in different departments but with some overlap, and everyone at work knew that they were married with children. Her husband is 31 years old and a manager, the affair partner is 20-21 and a junior staff member on his team. He has been scheduling them on late shifts together in order to facilitate the affair. He has decided to continue the relationship with the affair partner rather than pursue marriage counselling or reconciliation. M…

Whenever a new generation ages into the work world, the sky always seems to be falling, accompanied by much hand-wringing from their elders. We were told millennials were overly entitled participation-trophy-chasers, and Gen X were disaffected slackers. In my experience, this is usually BS. Most of the complaints about any new generation at work are simply about young people. It’s about their inexperience, not their generation. But Gen Z might actually be grappling with a different set of challenges, because of both the pandemic and the move to remote work just as they’re establishing their careers. My column at Slate today explores whether there’s anything to that — and…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Coaching a female employee to apologize less, as a man I’ve been thinking about your response to “my employee apologizes all the time,” specifically: “I think from the name on your email that you’re a woman, so one way to address it is to point out that women in particular tend to overapologize and that it can make them seem less confident and less authoritative than men” I’m a male manager in a field that’s pretty welcoming to women, thankfully, so throughout my career, my teams have always had significantly more women than men. I’ve wrestled with how to address the above (which I’ve seen firsthand), and also the oth…

A reader writes: My generally good manager recently gave me a dressing-down over a statement I made in a meeting. During the ensuing discussion, it came out that she relies on body language and facial expressions to figure out what people are “really thinking.” I knew that she does something like that, because every time she assigns me a task, she will keep explaining why it’s necessary well after I’ve agreed, so now I fake enthusiasm. Similarly, I proactively explain even the tiniest twinge of hesitation I think might have made its way to my facial expression, because she’s going to ask me about it anyway and then refuse to take “no concerns” for an answer. However, de…

A reader writes: I have a coworker, Fred, who once told me the best work advice an older coworker gave him was “don’t be good at a job you don’t want.” In our three years working together, Fred has really shown he’s taken this advice to heart — unfortunately, at the expense of his team and myself. He often avoids doing entire parts of his job, leaving the rest of us to pick up the slack. Fred and I report to the same boss and work in a small R&D team at a larger company that makes widgets. The job generally entails designing, optimizing, and testing new widget designs and widget-making processes. Each team member, assigned by my boss, owns one part of the widget-mak…

A reader writes: I recently accepted a new job where I will be managing a newly created team. I have been a manager before, but this new job will be a new challenge. The team I am managing has been tasked with leading a culture change in the company. The company has had many employees leave. In some cases, they left without another job lined up or took a job somewhere else with less pay or a lower title. Most gave little or no notice and left on poor terms. It’s been a problem for a long time, but things have been getting worse recently. Some former employees did agree to exit interviews but all of the ones who left over the problems had the same complaints: * Parents …

Last week we talked about the smallest amount of power you’ve ever seen someone abuse, and here are 18 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The pizza revenge The office assistant asked me what pizza I wanted when she was ordering for an event. I told her specifically I liked the one they had gotten the week before and described it. She never ordered that pizza again. 2. The very secure kitchen I learned early on in a new job that ONE person other than security and the C-suite had the key to the boardroom. I also learned that somehow everyone in my department had pissed off the key holder, and I was now the designated person to bow down and request the key. One night…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My friend hired me but isn’t paying me what we agreed A friend of mine recently started a business, and I happened to be the perfect candidate for the job because it’s a very specific niche. I was working for someone else, and she asked me to work for her. I would be getting paid the same amount and working the same hours, so I agreed to work for her. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been holding up her end of the deal with pay, and the hours are way different than we initially discussed. The first few months I was understanding because business started slow, but months later I’m finding that nothing is changing. I also am fi…

Last week we talked about ridiculous examples of micromanagement, and here are 16 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The insufficiently festive cookies My boss decided we all should make cookies and do a cookie swap for Christmas. The cookies needed to be sufficiently festive and colorful, however. She brought in a cookbook with pictures of cookies on the front to show types would pass muster. She specifically pointed out some powdered sugar covered chocolate cookies as being not colorful, but they would be allowed because a beloved relative of hers used to make them during the holidays. I happened to like those cookies and they were easy to make, so I brought them.…

You’d like to think you can trust the people you work around, but in reality office thefts are surprisingly common. From the coworker who stole someone’s spicy food and got sick (and the epic update), to the manager who stole someone’s family heirloom, to the boss who stole an employee’s iPad, to the boss who kept stealing lunches, office thieving happens more than you’d expect. And some of the thefts are shockingly petty: • “I have a Bath and Body eucalyptus (mini) hand sanitizer next to my computer. Turns out someone has used it up, then refilled it with water so it wouldn’t look like it was used. It costs a buck.” • “I had someone steal my pyrex dish once. They dum…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My old employer wants me back I recently switched jobs from an in-office position to a fully remote position due to it being a better fit for my life. When I resigned, my work made it extremely hard for me to leave. They offered me fully remote (when previously they would not allow me to even work from home when my kids were sick) and a $20,000 salary bump. I was exasperated with the whole situation and decided to stay the course with my new gig. Fast forward a month and they are contacting me weekly asking me if I’m ready to come back yet — everybody from the billing manager to the practice manager. I mentioned to my…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Candidate lied to us in their interview I was recently involved in interviews for a promotion in my department. We interviewed three internal candidates, so we were familiar with each candidate’s work. The interview team consisted the hiring manager (Fran), Fran’s boss (Tom), and me. I report to Fran, as would the newly promoted employee. One of the candidates blatantly lied about their past performance. For example, they said that they are in regular contact with an important client, but Tom knows that is not the case. Additionally, this employee’s work is lower quality than we would expect from the successful candi…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My employee is in remote limbo and it’s impacting her work I have an employee, Jane, who moved two hours from our office during the pandemic. My manager, who has since been let go, told Jane she could work from anywhere. It was a verbal agreement never formally agreed to with HR. Since 2022, our company has became stricter about working in the office. In summer of 2023, our HR rep told Jane she had by the end of the year to come into the office four days a week or she would have to “exit” the company. Understandably, she freaked out and had difficulty focusing on her job. Unfortunately, she became ill and had to take …

A reader writes: I’m not quite a year out from graduating college. I left my first “professional” job after only eight months (due to a workload that required us working seven days a week, a manager who texted our personal cellphones at all hours and days demanding answers about work tasks, etc.) and just started my second job in a much lower-paying field about two months ago. At my first job, my manager wanted to be cc’d on everything … and I mean everything. He’d complain if he was not cc’d on the most mundane of emails, and even requested that our broader 12-person team would be included as well. This was even for things that were extremely specific to me, such as re…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Do I need to rush to buy a new car for my job? I have a long-term job where I didn’t need a car until a few months ago, when I began transporting stuff for a new project about 2-3 times a week. Unfortunately, my car recently broke down beyond repair. Fortunately for me, I live in a bike-friendly area and can also easily take public transit to work. Because of where I live and personal finance goals, I do not want to buy a new car right away. But now there’s this dilemma about who is going to transport project stuff. I have asked about a courier service and really hope one can be set up soon (but sometimes things take …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. First, a housekeeping note: Comments will be turned off for a while on Friday while the site moves to a new server. They’ll be turned back on once it’s complete. It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. Supervisor is flirting with my wife I am a woman, 41 years old, who has been married to my wife for a year. We work together in different departments. She had a thing with one of her male supervisors before me, and he has become an issue. I’ve seen things that have made me question their relationship. In the beginning, when he found out about her and me, he began being nasty with me at wor…

A reader writes: In February, I changed companies and took on a manager position for the first time as the current manager was being promoted. While the exiting manager introduced me to the different people I would be supervising I was taken aback when “Benjamin” immediately assured me that despite looking like he was 21 or 22, he had worked there for years. If you had asked me to guess his age, I would have said 41 or 42. In the moment I was stunned, not sure if it was a joke, and just said I looked forward to working with him. Later the exiting manager told me that he’s been doing that for years. The first time at a lunch meeting with a potential client, Benjamin made…