Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: My generally good manager recently gave me a dressing-down over a statement I made in a meeting. During the ensuing discussion, it came out that she relies on body language and facial expressions to figure out what people are “really thinking.” I knew that she does something like that, because every time she assigns me a task, she will keep explaining why it’s necessary well after I’ve agreed, so now I fake enthusiasm. Similarly, I proactively explain even the tiniest twinge of hesitation I think might have made its way to my facial expression, because she’s going to ask me about it anyway and then refuse to take “no concerns” for an answer. However, de…

A reader writes: I hold a leadership role and report to the co-founders of a small company, which has both an office hub and a remote workforce. The co-founders work in the office, and my team and I work remotely. Lately, a fitness tracking device that also monitors sleep and stress levels became popular in the office. It seems like nearly everyone in the office got one, and they started a global group that compares performance and it became a friendly competition. My boss, one of the co-founders, asked me to buy one so I can be part of the competition. When I refused to pay $240 for something I didn’t intend on buying, they offered to pay for it. I feel pressured to s…

A reader writes: I have been working at my company for three years now. In that time, I have been to the office approximately once. My work is pretty solitary and doesn’t require me to be in the office. Only a few people in the organization are required to go to the office every day. I am not one of them and neither is my supervisor. Nobody I work with directly is required to go to the office on a regular basis. They can go, but it is not required. My original supervisor was fine with my team only meeting in person for holiday parties, but she left last year. My new supervisor really wants to get me into the office more. She was surprised I had never been there, and wa…

A reader writes: I work for a local government office that is being affected by the federal chaos. We currently have a hiring freeze and expect to lose several key positions when Congress finally passes a budget. Best case scenario is that the dozen or so positions we have open will be eliminated. Worst case is that one of our largest departments will be shuttered and another will be severely downsized. My team is not federally funded but is taking on a lot of the work previously done by the vacant positions. My grandboss, who came to us from the private sector just this year, feels bad that he can’t give us raises or bonuses to reward us for all the extra work we’re do…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My boss watches me by video call while I work I’m a 100% teleworker in the research field, which I love. The problem is my boss believes mentoring me means watching me via video call as I work. I’ve asked my boss to stop (firmly but nicely) and reported it to my boss’s supervisor who was horrified. Even our supreme boss stepped in, but not much has changed. She has lessened up slightly but now complains she can’t mentor me right because of my “complaining.” Any advice on how to reinforce some boundaries? Is this just a typical part of remote work…

A reader writes: I am in an unusual position at work and I wondered what your point of view on this would be. For context on this: I work remotely and almost never see my coworkers in person. If I did, this situation would be a lot sillier than it already is. I work for a close-knit, very interdependent team in a small company. I first told my manager I was pregnant once I finished my first trimester, so that I’d get permission to attend appointments. He asked me not to tell my coworkers until he and my grandparent manager had figured out a plan for my absence. Assuming it wouldn’t be long, I was happy to wait. But it is now less than two months until my maternity lea…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I want your help in understanding what, if anything, I can/should do about the way my boss talks about herself. I like my boss, but it’s exhausting! My organization recently went through huge layoffs, so everyone feels overworked and off-balance. As part of that I got a new boss. I get the feeling she’s nervous about doing a good job, and wants us all to like her. I do like her! But during 1-1s and team meetings, she tends to monologue — and it’s all overly personal, self-deprecating, or sad. Too-intimate details about her personal health, negative comments about her body, “funny” st…

A reader writes: I’m absolutely prepared for you to tell me there is nothing I can do about this at all besides ignore it, but I REALLY need to change my thinking around my boss’s parenting choices, which I find bizarre and am frankly tired of hearing about. My boss’s adult daughter and 13-year-old grandchild live with her. The daughter doesn’t work but often needs my boss to babysit. Fine, this is her business. But when she leaves work to do it, she gives us a convoluted and overly detailed explanation of why, every time. This has the effect of making it seem much more annoying than it would be otherwise, especially if we’re in the middle of a deliverable or project. …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: My company announced a “biggest loser” weight loss challenge today and immediately my stomach sank. This was sent by the owner/founder of my small civil engineering company (about 40 employees). This is still so fresh for me I don’t even really have the words to express how many ways this is a horrible idea and would love your thoughts. I have the words. And those words begin with: how is this still happening in the year of our lord 2025? It’s incredible that so many workplaces are still oblivious to how very problematic weight loss competitions can be for many people — people wi…

A reader writes: I work for a company of about 40 employees that says they “don’t give raises.” It’s in a field that is traditionally freelance, so having a full-time salaried position with benefits while doing this work is slightly unusual, but not unheard of. When asked, management says explicitly that because of how well we’re compensated, they don’t do raises. The salary range is $80-95K — on the high-ish end for our field but not wildly above what freelancers in our field can earn. The hourly rates of freelancers tend to increase $5 every 2-3 years. My question is how bananas is this and do you have any suggestions for how we can push back? I was shocked when I he…

A reader writes: I’m a manager in an office environment. I’m not involved in hiring or firing. I only make recommendations, and someone else makes the decision and implements it. My instructions are not to talk to the person about it and refer any of their questions to HR. I’ve heard from former employees that when the company lets someone go, they don’t tell them anything about why, just that today is their last day. In some cases the person getting fired expects it somewhat based on past conversations, but some people are completely blindsided and never know what made them lose their job. Is this normal? I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, wh…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: The small company where I work offers good pay, generous PTO and other benefits, a fun and friendly environment, and good work-life balance. It also has an excellent product with a lot of growth potential. Generally, it’s considered by employees to be a great place to work. The problem for me is that apart from the good pay and friendly coworkers, I mostly miss out on the perks that others enjoy. To be clear, there is a spectrum within the company: some of my coworkers are more overworked and stressed than others. But I’m an outlier: I’ve been assigned responsibility for a lot of the…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I work at a company that is entirely in-office — they really push “office culture.” I knew that when I started a year and a half ago, but working from home isn’t a priority for me so it hasn’t been a big deal. It’s a fairly small organization, around 50 employees in my office, and they frequently tout being a “family company.” I noticed that my boss was working from home several days a month for various reasons – she had a migraine, her kids were out of school, etc. She’s on the executive level so I didn’t pay much attention to it, as I know executives get special privileges. Then I …

A reader writes: I work in a close-knit workplace where we try to be supportive of each other’s struggles. This has resulted in some people having new positions created for them when they are not medically or emotionally able to handle the one they are currently in, often with raises and perks like being able to work from home, a private office, choosing their own hours, etc. While this sounds wonderful and equitable, it leaves some of us, okay, me, feeling a little resentful. I’m a private person! I don’t want to be the squeaky wheel. I pride myself on being self-sufficient and a model employee. I love the people I work with and the work I do. I find it rewarding and w…

A reader writes: I work in healthcare IT. Recently, our organization made the decision to switch to a new Electronic Medical Record (EMR) system. I, along with dozens of colleagues, are responsible for building this new EMR to meet our organization’s needs. It’s a months-long process that involves lots of coordinated decision-making across the entire organization. The tentative go-live date for this new system is well over a year from now. Our leadership is telling the entire IT department that no PTO requests will be approved during this time. None of this has been communicated to the department en masse, but it has trickled down to managers, who then relay it to thei…

A reader writes: My department just called all us middle managers into a session to discuss our sickness “issue.” Some context: We live in a country where permanent employees of any level at any company all get unlimited sick days at full pay for a year (with a handful of caveats). Funnily enough, the sickness rate here isn’t particularly high: the average local worker takes three days off for sickness per year. Our company has been through a painful year-long layoff process, which coincided with record-breaking profits, the launch of completely new product lines, and somewhat absurd expectations. Oh, and team celebration budgets were cut in the meantime. Our department…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I went on a work trip and thought it went well. On the last day, I woke up to hear my senior teammate bashing me. We shared a wall, and it was paper-thin. I snore, and it’s something I’m embarrassed by, but there’s nothing I can do to control it. My teammate said he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep for the whole trip and accused me of doing it on purpose so I could transfer off the team. I don’t know where that came from — I’ve never indicated I wanted to leave. He also called me weird and nasty. I was shocked. Up until that point, he had been pleasant, engaging, and polite. My co…

A reader writes: This is hard for me to write. I’m a woman in my late forties with two grown children. I remember how stressful it was a decade ago, when my kids were little, to keep them out of earshot during conference calls on the rare days I could work from home. In my current role, I have dotted-line management responsibility for “Steve,” who has two children under four. We’re a fully remote company, and all meetings are on video with cameras on. Steve often has one of his children on his lap during both internal and external calls. His spouse works from home part-time, but he still seems to be the primary caregiver for at least part of the workday. I’m conflicted…

I’m off for the holiday. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My coworker calls me his “work wife” A couple of months ago, I joined a new team at work, in a role that is somewhat isolated from the rest of the group. So I was glad when another junior staff member who had joined the team a bit earlier reached out and showed me the ropes. As we grew more friendly, we also started sitting next to one another (our office has open seating with no assigned desks), and chatting occasionally during the day. Our remarks were always casual, and though they were not strictly work-related, we never discussed deep …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker doesn’t want me to lift heavy boxes I work in a supply store that sells a variety of goods and also does returns for a large, very well-known company. One of my coworkers, a middle-aged man named “Carl,” has attempted to stop me (a woman in my 20s) from moving the closed return boxes every time we’ve worked together, warning me “they’re heavy.” (Our computer system ensures that nothing weighs over 40 pounds). I’ve told him that I don’t mind moving heavy boxes, but it doesn’t seem to register. Yesterday, when he told me not to take a full cart of boxes to the back room, I said, “You seem concerned about me …

A reader writes: My workload is mostly comprised of overflow tasks from other departments. I generally like this because it gives me a variety of things to do. I regularly deal with four managers. Three of them are good to work with. One, Alex, is … not. While the others always do a capacity check-in with me (asking if I have the bandwidth to take new work on), Alex regularly assigns me things without asking at all. It is not unusual that I will go on lunch and come back to a bunch of new tasks waiting for me with no discussion prior to assignment. The things Alex assigns me have exceptionally short deadlines, are often missing key pieces of information, and are often …

A reader writes: I have a coworker, Fred, who once told me the best work advice an older coworker gave him was “don’t be good at a job you don’t want.” In our three years working together, Fred has really shown he’s taken this advice to heart — unfortunately, at the expense of his team and myself. He often avoids doing entire parts of his job, leaving the rest of us to pick up the slack. Fred and I report to the same boss and work in a small R&D team at a larger company that makes widgets. The job generally entails designing, optimizing, and testing new widget designs and widget-making processes. Each team member, assigned by my boss, owns one part of the widget-mak…

A reader writes: I don’t like to do birthday stuff for my birthday. No, not even that. Or that. Or that. Or … It’s got nothing to do with the dreaded Getting Older; in fact, I don’t really know why. I just don’t want to. When my coworker went around collecting people’s birthdays, I gave mine to her, but specified that I didn’t want to have it celebrated. I was very clear about this. It wasn’t “Oh, you don’t need to make a fuss about me” or anything similarly wishy-washy. I said that I didn’t want anything to be done about it. For a couple of years this was fine, but then we got a new coworker, Pollyanna. One of our other coworkers, Kelly, also didn’t want to do birthd…

A reader writes: I’m having trouble figuring out how to navigate a situation with a coworker, John. When I first started at this company a year ago, John was the one who trained me, and he was courteous and communicative throughout the process. I wound up as casual work friends with him, but over the year I’ve seen him do and say things that have given me a very bad gut feeling. Most of these things involve his wife, Gladys, who works here in a different department but who eats lunch with us occasionally. Although John is usually thoughtful and respectful to me and his other coworkers, everything he says to Gladys is some sort of subtle put down or disagreement with wha…