Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I have a coworker who is making me do her work, I asked my boss for help but I feel like he’s being really laissez faire about the whole thing. What should I do? How should I set boundaries with her, healthily? I work for a small research lab, and I’m rather new (hired four months ago). I have a coworker, Amanda, who doesn’t do her job. Examples include: missing a meeting because she was napping, coming into work only to use the printer/computer to plan a surprise party for her husband, spending “all day” replying to two emails, and most egregiously having her friend take a data analysis assessment for her when she was hired. She apparently has a histor…

We’ve talked about terrible corporate gifts, so now it’s time to talk about great ones. And yes, money and time off are the best gifts, but sometimes you’re going to get something else so let’s hear about what actually worked. Some examples that have been shared here in the past: The best Doctor’s Day gift I ever received was a bobblehead of myself. They took our ID photos and had them made into bobbleheads. It’s hysterical. I love it. My company does a gift select each December that I really like. They work with a local bakery and have a selection of four items to choose from – typically a cheesecake, chocolate cake, quiche, or a fruit basket (this sometimes comes fr…

A reader writes: My workplace has drinking heavily interwoven into the culture. You doubtless know the kind of place — never had a work social event without copious amounts of booze, boss bringing around beers on Friday afternoons, work parties with an open bar being relocated to another bar where the limitless company tab covers five shots for everyone at the table in five minutes, that kind of vibe. I didn’t know that was the culture when I was applying, and I’ve had a lot of issues with alcohol and drugs in the past. Over the past year and a half, I’ve had some life stuff going on that meant I got to the point where I felt it would be good for me to cut out drinking,…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Two of my employees don’t get along I am a manager of a few different groups, including a group of customer service representatives. This team seems to always have tension between two people. They both feel that the other isn’t doing enough or doing things incorrectly/not up to standard. They get in passive-aggressive arguments on Teams about very minor things like who will do the mail and who highlighted something on a sheet. I had to create a mail schedule and remove their access to items. Now they are both refusing to speak with each other and continue to complain about each other. I have told them both that I can …

A reader writes: I have developed a stance over time that my friends, partner, and colleagues all say is unprofessional: I let people at work be wrong, especially if it’s not going to impact our bottom line, due dates, or project quality. I particularly stay out of things if they’re trying to get someone in trouble and it bites them in the butt afterward. When I was younger, I would over-explain myself, which made things worse/made me look unprofessional, so when someone’s wrong now I just let them be wrong, especially if I’m met with rude pushback, which can be typical in my line of work. Some examples of this include a mix-up with a client meeting due to time zones. …

Federal workers and others affected by the government shutdown: we’re in day 22 with no end in sight. How are you doing? What’s going on in your workplace / with your colleagues? The post government shutdown day 22: how are you doing? appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

At the end of each year, I publish a slew of “where are they now” updates from people whose questions I answered here in the past. In past years we’ve had several hundred each December and it’s been magnificent. If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now? (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.) Note: Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting. And if there’s anyone you espe…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Everything Here Is Under Control, by Emily Adrian. Two estranged friends reunite when one is breaking under the strain of new motherhood. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – October 25-26, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – October 31, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: My fiancé and I just broke up after 6.5 years together. The underlying factors contributing to the split had been percolating for a long time, but the actual break-up happened very suddenly and unexpectedly, and I’m in a lot of pain right now. I was wondering if you had any scripts for how to broach this subject at work. I’ve talked about my partner, his career, our upcoming wedding, etc. a lot to my coworkers, and many of them have met him. I don’t know how to now announce that we broke up without trauma-dumping, but obviously I can’t just pretend that we’re still together. I’m sorry! You don’t need to make a big announcement at all. You can simply s…

A reader writes: I interviewed a student today who is interested in doing an internship at my organization. I love working with interns so I was happy to meet with him (virtually), but I am wondering if my expectations are off in terms of how a student interviews. He was late, his wifi was bad, the background was messy (dorm room with flags hung on the wall), he was wearing a hoodie and ear buds, and he didn’t have any questions for me. He seems smart and he has some interesting and relevant experience, but I know that’s not how I would have shown up to an interview, even at his age. Are my expectations too high? Is it unreasonable to expect that programs that require …

A reader writes: I’m in the middle of a pretty bleak job search, involving lots of form rejection emails. The first few times I got one, I wrote back a succinct note to the effect of “thank you for letting me know” before realizing how depressing this would be for all of the rejections that would soon start rolling in. I figure most places don’t care, so I’ve stopped responding to those rejections, but I’m wondering: is it worth ever sending something polite but more personal, hoping that maybe they’d change their mind, or am I living in the job-search equivalent of a 90’s rom-com? “Gosh, we usually get crazy people who yell at us, but this person is so nice and that go…

A reader writes: I recently relocated to another state and began looking for a job. Throughout the course of my search, I have come across an interesting and unusual (to me) phenomenon: ghosting. I have been ghosted by pre-screeners, HR directors, hiring managers, and a VP. In each case I have sent follow-up emails to express my continued interest in the position and … crickets. In one interview, the HR director literally said, “I will call you next week,” “I won’t ghost you,” and, “I don’t intend to ghost you, I promise.” I had not mentioned anything to her during our interview. And yes, she ghosted me. I sent a follow-up email and, no, I did not hear anything back fro…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. We’re supposed to do enneagrams at a company retreat I work at an organization with 100+ employees. We gather periodically for company-wide retreats. We have done this in the past with various professional learning opportunities. This time we were asked to fill out an enneagram survey that would be facilitated in conversation about “what truly drives you and how to apply that to your job.” I find it to be mumbo jumbo and about as scientific as astrology. I took the quiz and found myself increasingly uncomfortable with the questions and rigor of the survey. How can I share this with management? How can they create alte…

A reader writes: A friend of mine got a job in property management and wasn’t told about the dress code until a couple months in. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. The highlights: * Women can only shop at Ann Taylor. They are given $700 twice a year for a clothing allowance, but $700 only gets you two suits and two shirts. * They have to wear certain color combinations on certain days, which means you can’t just buy those two suits and rotate them every other day. * Women have to wear heels. Property management involves some desk work but a whole lot of walking around, so you have to run around inside, outside, and up and down stairs in heels. Can th…

A reader writes: I recently came across a letter you answered about 10 years ago, where a woman wanted to decline an invitation to a wedding because she was uncomfortable with it being gender segregated. Your response was unsurprising, but I was a bit taken aback that a number of commenters mentioned they would be offended even being invited to a gender-segregated wedding, which are common in my community. I am a single Orthodox Jewish woman in my 20’s. My company is located near the large Orthodox Jewish community I am part of, so about half of my coworkers are from that community as well, and the other half are a mix of religious and secular non-Jews. We are a small o…

A reader writes: I am a manager and I have a lot of empathy for people on my team. However, that empathy has taken a turn since I’ve now had employees twice threaten suicide after serious feedback conversations. In both cases I was told they were considering suicide because of the potential job loss, and we had to act accordingly — welfare checks, making sure their safety was secured. Clearly it wasn’t just my feedback that caused it, but it does seem like a catalyst for it. I did know before this happened that they were each struggling with their mental health, but nothing that would indicate this severity. In both situations, the people in question are safe, but I’m n…

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I currently work in the private sector, but lately I’ve been feeling dissatisfied with the thought of spending my whole career working just to increase shareholder value. My employer and many other companies in my field have demonstrated zero loyalty or investment in employees, with multiple rounds of layoffs and limited-to-no raises or professional development opportunities. The one good thing about my job is that the benefits and work-life balance are pretty good. Recently, I’ve applied for a few project-based jobs for nonprofits using my existing skillset. These positions would work on specific, mission-b…

A reader writes: I’ve been in the job market over the last few months for executive roles and have been genuinely surprised by how disorganized and last-minute some hiring processes are. Is it standard and reasonable to expect candidates to be available within 24-48 hours for half- or full-day interviews, locally or even with travel? If candidates can’t drop everything within a day, is it reasonable for them to ask for alternative times, or was that their shot and it’s over? Another way to look at this: if you could give advice to talent teams on managing executive recruitment processes in terms of scheduling, advanced notice, or travel for candidates (e.g., how far in …

A reader writes: I am in an unusual position at work and I wondered what your point of view on this would be. For context on this: I work remotely and almost never see my coworkers in person. If I did, this situation would be a lot sillier than it already is. I work for a close-knit, very interdependent team in a small company. I first told my manager I was pregnant once I finished my first trimester, so that I’d get permission to attend appointments. He asked me not to tell my coworkers until he and my grandparent manager had figured out a plan for my absence. Assuming it wouldn’t be long, I was happy to wait. But it is now less than two months until my maternity lea…

A reader writes: My company is technically hybrid, but my department is almost exclusively work from home, which has suited me. This week, we’d been asked whether or not we’ll be attending an all-hands in person or on Zoom and I’d been really struggling with the decision. I like my coworkers, but I invariably get sick when I do in-person stuff and spent half of September audibly sick from the last in-person department meeting I attended. If I went, I planned to mask. The meeting was listed as being from 9 am – 1 pm and lunch is provided, but masking only works if you stay masked. That means I can’t eat or drink unless I’m outside and there’s no outdoor space at this loc…

Let’s discuss chaos — or just mildly embarrassing / funny / off-key things — that happened when you were eating in a restaurant for work. Some stories that have been shared here in the past: I was in my mid-twenties traveling to a conference with my fifty-something boss. He could be odd and a bit awkward but never creepy or inappropriate. We were having dinner at the hotel restaurant when approached by a violin player obviously offering romantic musical accompaniment. I politely declined but my boss excitedly requested a specific piece. I then had to sit there awkwardly for several minutes while the violin player played his piece circling around us as if he was enhancin…

A reader writes: I’m in senior leadership at a mid-sized company. My department has a number of processes and procedures that other departments need to follow and my team also handles compliance issues, so I’m often giving instructions or reminding folks of various steps they need to be taking. No matter how soft I make the feedback, no matter how benign the feedback is, I get defensiveness and over-explanation in return. A classic example is, “Please remember to copy [employee] on these requests because they track these for our department.” I expect “will do!” and, instead I get, “I haven’t done this process before, but when I do X other process, I don’t have to copy an…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. New employee doesn’t pay attention to his training We’ve got a new guy at work: Dave. He’s still in his probation period. He’s never done this work before — he had a job which has a little overlap, but not much. I am not his manager, and haven’t worked with him much, but I have been asked to give him some training in my areas of expertise. His work so far for all of us has often been careless and has had to be repeated more times than is usual for a new starter, and he doesn’t seem to pay attention to instructions. A careful conversation with him is being planned, so that he has the chance to improve before his probat…

A reader writes: I recently made it through to the final interview round for a job I was very excited about. I’ve been in my current position without a clear path to promotion long enough to have been eyeing the exits for a while, and finally I found myself in a hiring process that felt like it was going really well. I was meshing with all the people who I would be working with at this company. The conversations we had about the vision I would bring to their team also energized me in a way that my current work hasn’t in quite some time. The final interview ended up being scheduled on the same day as a company party at my current job. I thought that was great, because it…