Performance Tracking and Feedback

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Two of my employees don’t get along I am a manager of a few different groups, including a group of customer service representatives. This team seems to always have tension between two people. They both feel that the other isn’t doing enough or doing things incorrectly/not up to standard. They get in passive-aggressive arguments on Teams about very minor things like who will do the mail and who highlighted something on a sheet. I had to create a mail schedule and remove their access to items. Now they are both refusing to speak with each other and continue to complain about each other. I have told them both that I can …

Earlier this month we talked about work restaurant meals gone wrong, and here are 12 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The mistaken identity I (F) was in my mid-30s and traveling to work with a client. He had sent up a dinner that should have included five or six of us on the project. Everyone backed out except me, which is how I found myself at a cozy, fireside table for two at a dark but excellent Boston restaurant, drinking a glass of champagne. (I was in my bubbles era…) And who should happen to be dining there but his wife’s cousin, who barged up to the table wanting to know why he was sipping bubbly with me rather than hanging out at home with his extremely pr…

A reader writes: I manage a team of five younger professionals (all between the ages of 25 to 30). I have noticed that each of them prefers to communicate with me almost exclusively by text message or through the chat feature in our collaboration software. Conversations by phone, video, or in-person only happen when I initiate them. When I initiate an in-person conversation or phone call, my employees don’t seem opposed and typically are very engaged, but if left up to them it seems like all of the interaction with me would be via text or chat. In my own career, I’ve always valued being able to talk one-on-one with my manager, whether it’s during a formal meeting or imp…

A reader writes: I am part of a small team in a global corporation. My team works closely with other teams in the department, and we often have weekly or biweekly catch-ups to update each other on projects. My colleagues are mostly nice and pleasant to work with. There’s only one problem: everyone is obsessed with Taylor Swift. And I don’t mean it in a “owns a few of her albums and liked them” sort of way. It’s something more akin to religious fervor. They log in from rooms plastered with Taylor Swift posters and talk about her in almost every meeting. They sneak references in marketing content. The passwords we use for our shared software accounts are all Taylor Swift-…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss secretly arranged for me not to get paid for committee work I recently volunteered to serve on a committee at work. The group meets once a week during lunch and hosts weekend activities five times a year. Members who serve on the committee receive a stipend of $1,500 per year. Obviously this doesn’t amount to much when spaced out over a year’s paychecks, but I appreciate the nod to the extra work we do. When I got my first check after I began serving on the committee, I noticed the stipend hadn’t been added. I thought it was probably just an oversight and mentioned to my supervisor that I’d be running over to …

A reader writes: I was recently out to lunch with my manager and a client we’ve worked with for many years. We were talking about how the shift to WFH has changed the way we approach certain parts of our job and how we feel our companies get more work out of us than ever before because we aren’t chatting with folks in the office/going out to lunch/etc. nearly as much – all standard conversation these days. Then my manager (with whom I generally have a good relationship) said something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about: “I don’t believe that people who work from home should take sick days.” I was honestly flummoxed! I sputtered something about illnesses lik…

A reader writes: I’m in senior leadership at a mid-sized company. My department has a number of processes and procedures that other departments need to follow and my team also handles compliance issues, so I’m often giving instructions or reminding folks of various steps they need to be taking. No matter how soft I make the feedback, no matter how benign the feedback is, I get defensiveness and over-explanation in return. A classic example is, “Please remember to copy [employee] on these requests because they track these for our department.” I expect “will do!” and, instead I get, “I haven’t done this process before, but when I do X other process, I don’t have to copy an…

A reader writes: I’m a happily married woman who works at a company that somewhat blurs the lines between work and friendship. While working at this company, I have learned that I’m a social butterfly. I enjoy socializing with colleagues after hours at trade shows, company events, and informal gatherings, especially when we have out-of-town colleagues visiting from another part of America or another part of the world. My husband is an introvert through and through, and we’ve had to learn how to navigate our opposite natures when it comes to my work’s social events. Basically, he only attends the events that are very important to me or events that only have a small group…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Worker stunk up client’s bathroom, then billed her for it I manage a team of skilled electricians who often work in clients’ homes. A client reached out to express concern that she was billed for 15 minutes during which our electrician was, quite literally, off the clock and stinking up her bathroom. I understand that nature calls, but really? Using her bathroom and charging her for it? Frankly, my personal thought is (barring an absolute emergency) he should have left her home and gone to a gas station. And then he had the nerve to charge her for it? Where do I even begin? It sounds like you and your employee — and m…

I’m off today, so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2014. A reader writes: I was in the awesome position of interviewing for two roles through recruitment agencies and receiving offers for both. Both roles were aware that I had another strong offer on the table, and negotiations started between myself and the two agencies. As I was available immediately, both roles wanted me to start ASAP and had suggested start dates that were within a working week of the initial offer. Within a few days, I made my decision and I outlined my choice in an email to the recruiter of the role I was turning down. The recruiter wanted to discuss the m…

I’m off today so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2017. A reader writes: Every since I was a small child I’ve been praised for how nice I am, how likable I am, how good I am with people. In many ways, this is a positive thing. I think of it as a skill that takes effort, but is very useful. However, as I’ve started working professionally I’ve run across a problem. I have a really hard time telling people when they are being awful. I can do normal job-related criticism fine – “please make sure you proofread for typos next time,” etc. – but when it comes to more emotionally turbulent conversations or anything with conflict, I complet…

I’m off today. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. Customers talk about our sizes This question is for my coworker, Jess. We both work at a women’s plus-size clothing retailer (national chain) in the midwest. I do wear some clothes from here, but to most, I probably do not look like the average plus-size person. Jess is a little larger than myself. This is unfortunately relevant because customers try to relate to Jess in such ways like “Oh! You have a big butt you can help me [pick out something that would look good with my own big butt]” or “Oh, you get it with how big your hips are!” or the most co…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: The Sisters Weiss, by Naomi Ragen. The daughter of a strict ultra-Orthodox Jewish family rebels against the expectations of her parents and community, to mixed results. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – October 11-12, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – October 10, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My abusive former boss is my new editor A beloved editor at my job left in July. This week, their replacement started — and it is Jane, my abusive former boss from five years ago. Needless to say, I was extremely taken aback (and grateful I was working from home). I have decided to just wait it out and document anything bad that happens should it happen (as you pointed out in another post that I read yesterday, five years is a long time and maybe they changed). Jane won’t be my boss but can assign work to me. But I don’t know how to talk to my coworkers about it when they ask about us working together before. I don’t…

A reader writes: I have a pretty low-stakes question but it’s been on my mind a lot lately: is it tacky to bring branded items from your old job to your new job? For context: I used to work for a big tech company, and I acquired a lot of swag over my tenure: jackets, mugs, travel cups, etc. At my old role, my colleagues and I would use branded items from competitors and no one batted an eye; lots of them would be free items from conferences and similar events, and hey, sometimes that branded travel mug from our competition is just REALLY nice. But I’ve switched to a more conservative industry (law) and I’m wondering if it would be weird to bring branded stuff from my o…

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Remember the letter-writer whose coworkers were joking that she was pregnant when she wasn’t — including having a local radio host congratulate her on her “pregnancy”? Here’s the update. I was reading AAM as I do every afternoon when one of the recommended posts catapulted me back into my past. I’m the reader who wrote to you about six years ago about my co-workers who wrote into a local radio station to pretending I was pregnant as a “prank.” I’ve been meaning to share an update for a while now, and this felt like a sign In th…

Let’s discuss chaos — or just mildly embarrassing / funny / off-key things — that happened when you were eating in a restaurant for work. Some stories that have been shared here in the past: I was in my mid-twenties traveling to a conference with my fifty-something boss. He could be odd and a bit awkward but never creepy or inappropriate. We were having dinner at the hotel restaurant when approached by a violin player obviously offering romantic musical accompaniment. I politely declined but my boss excitedly requested a specific piece. I then had to sit there awkwardly for several minutes while the violin player played his piece circling around us as if he was enhancin…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. When your coworker is your Uber driver This happened to a coworker, not me, but now I’m paranoid it will. She told me that over the weekend she and her roommate got in an Uber to get to a bar, and the driver was our other coworker. I have nothing against side hustles/second jobs (I work one myself, as a bartender at a theater), but of all the people we work with (we’re standard office workers at a large employer in our city) I would not have expected this specific person to take up Uber driving for extra cash. So, WWYD? My coworker said she was pretty silent the entire time but did acknowledge/greet our coworker/drive…

A reader writes: I work at a government agency (not in the U.S.) and it’s a good job. It’s a relaxed environment that definitely puts people’s safety and well-being first. However, and I never thought I’d be saying this, I think it might be too much of a good thing. People spend all day chewing on their fingernails and then touching everything (we are moving to a hot-desk only workspace). We’ve got a few people who are constantly coughing or throat-clearing, and typing/clicking so forcefully that the desk shakes. The person who sits near me arrives late almost everyday, having come from the gym, and simply changes into work clothes without showering, then spends half…

A reader writes: I have managed someone, let’s call her Rachel, for over a year and a half. The majority of the experience has been negative — she’s rude, feeds on drama, and produces low-quality work. I’ve had several discussions with her on improving her performance. After a lot of painful experiences, she resigned while I was on vacation. She only gave a week’s notice, and since I’m on vacation we will only have two days overlap. I know as a manager I have the responsibility to be professional and courteous, but I can’t stomach the idea that we even have to interact at all on those two final days. I have even contemplated rescheduling our team meeting to the day afte…

A reader writes: My company is technically hybrid, but my department is almost exclusively work from home, which has suited me. This week, we’d been asked whether or not we’ll be attending an all-hands in person or on Zoom and I’d been really struggling with the decision. I like my coworkers, but I invariably get sick when I do in-person stuff and spent half of September audibly sick from the last in-person department meeting I attended. If I went, I planned to mask. The meeting was listed as being from 9 am – 1 pm and lunch is provided, but masking only works if you stay masked. That means I can’t eat or drink unless I’m outside and there’s no outdoor space at this loc…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. HR says I can’t use sick leave for a family emergency Recently, “life happened” and I took a day off from work because I needed to take care of some things and I wasn’t feeling mentally well. I emailed work in the morning and said that a family emergency came up so I needed to take a sick day. That seemed like the most honest description of what was happening at the time without giving too much detail. When I returned to work the next day, I submitted for sick leave. HR emailed me asking for details, saying that sick leave is provided for employees’ illness or injury, and that for other situations we need to use PTO. …

A reader writes: I have worked in the evolving field of IT all of my four-decade career. Most of my jobs have been exempt from overtime, while my last few tech support / help desk positions have been non-exempt. I’ve always been a slower (and I think, more thorough) worker who needs more time to get my work done and who has no problem working late, even most evenings, to get the job done. This has been fine in my exempt positions, as I’ve had freedom to work as many hours as I want / need, and supervisors have mostly been quite pleased with my work. In my first couple of non-exempt roles, I would still work longer hours but leave the hours beyond 40 off of my time sheet…

Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. Employee gets special privileges because she’s dating an NBA player I didn’t have time to go to my manager regarding your advice because days after your response was posted, Cersei’s boyfriend broke up with her. As a side note, she lived with him in his very nice house. So I imagine it was a very painful breakup and was further complicated by the logistics of having to move out. Morale has slightly lifted but not by much because of the anticipation that special treatment for Cersei will manifest in a different way. It certainly leaves a bad taste in your mouth to know that her summer WFH status stopped because her rel…