Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: My manager, Athena, has pretty poor soft skills and often comes across as aggressive, interrogating, micromanaging, and dismissive. This happens both in person and over email and instant message. In writing, her spelling and grammar are also inconsistent and her phrasing is often curt or abrupt. Lately, my coworkers and I have noticed a huge improvement in some of her emails and chat messages. Emails and messages that previously would have been curt and aggressive are now warmer and softer, with perfect spelling and grammar. It’s theoretically the exact change her direct reports have all been desperately wishing for, except that her in-person communicat…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker was upset that she wasn’t told to go home early after getting bad news I have a coworker who recently found out she’d likely have to put her dog to sleep. She was crying at work, understandably so, and it was quite upsetting to see. I went through something similar about three years ago and losing a pet is devastating. For the rest of the day after finding out, she was berating management for not offering her the opportunity to go home early. The thing is, it’s common knowledge at my job that if you need, or even just want, to go home early, management always says yes. All she had to do was ask but, but sh…

A reader writes: The company I currently work for was perfect for me when I started in the corporate world — low-key, the owner is very hands-off, and my bosses let me work without micromanaging. But recently we’ve become a lot bigger while still keeping that “small business” mindset. Our profit has more than quadrupled in the past seven years, but the number of employees in headquarters has not increased in response (we’re still fewer than 20 people). A daily catch phrase is, “It’ll slow down eventually … right?” It’s wearing me down to a point where I need to find another job, and I have started to activity job search. My concern is, I honestly do the job of three pe…

A reader writes: I am a high-performing, respected, well-liked senior contributor on a 25-person team at a global tech company. Since Covid, we have all been successfully working remotely. Recently, the company has enacted a “hybrid work” policy, which for me means I am supposed to go to the office three times a week. Because our team and those we work closely with are scattered around the globe, this means we are often going to the office to sit on virtual calls. Our team also has 12 contract workers who are not required to be in the office due to the terms of their contracts and desk availability. Additionally, the director of our team, Scott, is considered a teleworke…

A reader writes: I own a small (but growing) tax service. Recently I hired Cara, who moved to the area and was able to step right in, and during our busy season to boot. Much of the year, we work 4-10 hour days with Fridays off. During tax season, we are busier and work 5-10 hour days. On Fridays, I buy the staff lunch. Because of dietary restrictions, allergies, etc., I let them order from whatever place they want, within reason on price, and pay for delivery or they turn in their receipt if they leave the building. Cara does not eat lunch, maybe a can of Diet Coke but nothing else. I have asked multiple times if she would like to order and stressed that it is okay, t…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Can I subscribe to my coworker’s OnlyFans? One of my coworkers has an OnlyFans. I found out because she was talking about it to a small group of us at lunch, so she’s not going out of her way to hide it at work, although I doubt she would want everyone to know, especially our managers. I looked it up out of curiosity and its nudes and the type of photos and videos you’d expect from an OF. My brother said I shouldn’t subscribe because she’s a coworker, but she told us about it. It’s not like I went searching on my own and found it, so I think it’s no big deal if I do. What say you? You should not subscribe to your cowo…

A reader writes: This happened a few years ago, but I would appreciate knowing how I should have handled it in the moment as all my supervisor training was patchy and on the fly and definitely had gaps. We had an internal promotion opportunity and two candidates: Abby and Bella. Both were in the same support role where Bella had more experience, but Abby had natural aptitude. The new position was much more technical in nature, needing a lot of spreadsheet and database work, instead of document formatting and people skills. We were all surprised when Bella applied, as none of this role played to her strengths or interests, but we interviewed both. She could have been tak…

If you could earn thousands of dollars more a year just by having a two-minute conversation, would you do it? That might sound like an easy “yes,” but for a lot of people, the answer, surprisingly, is no. At Slate today, I wrote about people who literally never negotiate their salary when they’re offered a job or haven’t had a raise in a long time. Instead, they accept the first number an employer offers, because they’re worried that they’ll look greedy or mercenary — even though the whole reason we work is for pay! You can read it here. The post there’s only one way to get more money at work, and some people won’t do it appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full …

A reader writes: About three years ago, we had a new manager start at my job, Fergus. Fergus is a very nice guy, but has never been a manager before. He delegates some of his core tasks to us, and seems to struggle with things like project management, clear and proactive communication, and HR-type stuff. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when he has a tricky situation, he will come to me and ask my opinion on how to handle it, and I coach him on what to say and what actions should come next. (Before I started here eight years ago, I’d been a department head at my previous company. That place was toxic as hell, and I happily took a step down out of management to get out…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss is getting rid of everyone’s favorite part of my program for no good reason I manage an educational program that is part of a larger organization. My boss is medium crappy. He’s not abusive, but not a good manager or leader. Thankfully he doesn’t interact with my program more than occasionally. Right now, he is making me get rid of the most popular part of my program. For the sake of anonymity, let’s say it’s a small bouncy house (it’s not). Adults and kids love the bouncy house. People comment on it walking by. It takes minimal money to run. Admittedly it requires some daily labor, but I’m on site anyway and …

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Lake Effect, by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney. When two neighbors have an affair, the effects reverberate on their families, and particularly their children, for years. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – March 28-29, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – March 27, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. How can I manage digs about remote working and return-to-office? I’m a woman in my 60s, and before Covid I was doing a long, multi‑leg commute five days a week. Working primarily from home has dramatically improved my health, energy, productivity, and ability to manage everyday life. However, now my workplace is requiring us to be in the office more, and I’m not sure how to handle a few friends who make unsupportive comments about it. Most of my friends understand and are considerate, but a small group repeatedly dismisses my concerns. They tell me to retire, “suck it up,” or insist that office work is better for coll…

A reader writes: I wonder this each time I get a cold and thought I’d get your opinion. My company has hybrid work; we’re expected in the office three or more days per week. I have a cold so told my manager I’d be WFH on Monday and she was supportive. I was still feeling crummy on Tuesday so again told her I was WFH, and she again was supportive but less enthusiastically so. So now it’s Wednesday, I still have a cold but symptoms are manageable with cold meds, and I feel like I have to go in. I’m planning on wearing a mask but will still be more miserable than if I was allowed to WFH with all my creature comforts for surviving a cold. My boss hadn’t explicitly told me I …

Remember the letter-writer whose new team thought they were incredibly overworked, but they actually did nothing? Here’s the update. I wanted to send an update as many of the commentators had requested one. I was the person who wrote about the team that spent all their time reading books and organizing their record collections, and yet kept insisting they were Really Very Busy. Alison’s advice was spot-on — I was only there on a temporary basis, so I decided to just enjoy the madness as a casual observer before I went back to my permanent role. There was a lot of discussion in the comments as to why the team was behaving the way they were, and some of the commentators …

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I’m a longtime reader and huge fan of Ask a Manager. I wondered if you’ve ever done a column about people who were busted as writing in — people whose coworkers, boss, family, or friends read a post and realized the author was someone they knew. I have not, although I know of a few times when it’s happened: If you remember the manager whose best employee quit when she wasn’t allowed to go to her college graduation, the employee herself recognized the letter years later and wrote in, one of the other interns fired for writing a petition about the dress code wrote in a year later, and someone who thought they …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I don’t want to stay in a haunted hotel on a work trip I’m a junior employee at a smaller firm (100-200 employees). I travel about once a month for work and typically stay in generic hotels. I’m heading to a small town on my next trip and the project manager suggested we stay at a cute old historic property. Not a problem, I go to book, and it says the hotel has a friendly ghost. I am absolutely petrified of ghosts and paranormal things — think years and years of weekly therapy. The two people I’m traveling with are more senior than I am, and I’m a little embarrassed to say, “Hey, I know you’ve stayed here before but …

A reader writes: My manager, Katherine, is a C-suite level executive who joined the organization eight months ago. She was previously my skip-level manager (former boss’s boss), but due to a large RIF/company restructuring four months ago, my former manager is no longer with the organization, and another colleague and I were asked to co-lead the remaining team, reporting to Katherine. Before the restructuring, I had met her maybe twice, and at the time of my recent performance review, this was my second 1-1. Many of the projects I worked on last year are no longer considered company priorities after this restructuring. During my performance review, Katherine admitted th…

Remember the letter-writer who needed to tell a new employee he’s not cut out for the job? The first update was here, and here’s the latest. After far too long, I was able to terminate Tom. As the “fun” project wore on, he started telling me he was overwhelmed, and I started stepping in to do increasingly more of his work. Don’t ask me why I found his requests for help so compelling, I’m still mad at myself about falling for them. After delivering the “needs improvement” conversation, his work improved for a few months. But then something snapped, and he completely fell below the minimum threshold. Multiple important meetings no-showed. Entire afternoons where I was un…

Domestic violence can intersect with work in all sorts of ways. We’ve seen it in letters here, from the many people worried their coworkers may be experiencing abuse at home to the person whose colleague wanted to fire someone for being a victim of abuse. And some years back, we had an excellent letter from a survivor full of things her workplace could have done to help her, but didn’t. I recently spoke with Bella Book and Nina Kanakarajavelu of Futures Without Violence about their work to help employers to support workers experiencing sexual harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking, and here’s our conversation. Tell us a bit about the work you do in t…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker is charging personal purchases to our team I work in higher ed on a small team. All of us are able to make purchases up to a certain amount with little to no oversight. I have suspected that my coworker has bought things for herself. It seemed like a few small things here and there, a $30 hand cream, essential oils, things that didn’t seem to have a business purpose. Recently I purchased an expensive item (with permission) for the office. She said someone asked her where it was from and asked if I could send her the link. A week later, a box arrives with this very item. I look up her purchase order, which…

A reader writes: I am conducting interviews next week, and normally my workplace sends interview questions to interviewees 30 minutes prior to the interview. This is in an attempt to provide a more accessible and equitable experience for our interviewees who may need additional time or feel more comfortable when they know the questions ahead of time. This also aligns with how the employee would normally work — having ample time to review and respond to questions. All our interviews are remote. I am working with a new panel member who suggested we stop this practice because they were finding candidates were using the extra time to have AI generate answers to the question…

A reader writes: As a manager, new parent, and generally busy person, I work some strange hours. For example, yesterday I was online at 2 am (as my daughter woke me up during the night and I decided to use some time to clear my work inbox ahead of a busy Monday) and 10 pm (as I finished early to play with my daughter but needed to meet a deadline). I don’t expect these kinds of hours from my team or want to encourage people to work outside of hours if it doesn’t suit them, but sometimes these are the hours that suit me! What can and should I do to make it clear that what I do isn’t what I expect from the team and that following my example won’t have any impact on my opi…

A reader writes: One of the directors at my company, Meredith, has been undergoing executive coaching sessions for around six months. These are supposed to be to give her management coaching and experience, as she currently has none and has three direct reports, including me. However, it’s come to light that instead of using these sessions to learn how to manage and learn leadership skills, she’s essentially been using them as free therapy/counsellng and has been aggressively running down members of the team instead! One of the members of the team accidentally discovered the full transcripts from Meredith’s sessions on our company cloud — in a public folder, not even h…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Candidate used a slur during a job interview I’m the hiring manager for a position at a nonprofit. The role has a lot of in-person interaction with clients, so we are looking for people who are well-spoken. One of our candidates used a lesser known slur during her interview. I won’t say what the slur was, but it’s a term to indicate being duped or swindled, and the word comes from the name of an ethnic group. I didn’t address it in the moment, but I can’t stop thinking about it. How would you have handled this? And, should this error carry weight? On one hand, I understand that when you’re speaking on the fly like in …