Performance Tracking and Feedback

Remember the letter from the person whose soda consumption was being monitored and judged by the office admin? Here’s the update. I had many months of peace, in part due to my boss telling the admin to lay off and in part because I was fully remote for a couple of months due to some family stuff. The dirty looks when I went to the kitchen continued when I got back but whatever, I can deal. And then yesterday happened. I go to the office, get three cans of soda to bring back to my desk (to avoid the scrutiny of three separate kitchen visits). I drink one, then place two in my desk drawer. I go to an in-person meeting, during which I see the admin scan the room to see wh…

A reader writes: A few months ago, we had to do an “about me” presentation during a department meeting— we had to post pictures of our families and give a brief description of our interests/who we are. I’m not a big fan of these things for several reasons. One is that I would prefer to keep my family life out of work, and one is that it can cause discrimination, which is the reason I’m writing. I’m white, my husband is black, and my kids are obviously mixed. Literally the day after my presentation where I posted my family picture, my manager, supervisor, and some coworkers have changed how they treat me. I don’t jump to discrimination right away, but I don’t know what e…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Why do people feel so passionate about physically handing out their resume? Why do people get so defensive over the concept of physically handing out resumes? I was at my off-season part-time retail job, and a young man came in with a stack of resumes; it was obvious that his mom was sitting out front in the truck, driving him around to all of the businesses in the plaza. After I had directed him to apply online, where, like any other company in 2026, we do all of our hiring, I said to my coworker, “I really wish people wouldn’t do that. Like, just tell me you’re out of touch.” She said, “Do what?” I replied, “Driv…

A reader writes: I work in a close-knit workplace where we try to be supportive of each other’s struggles. This has resulted in some people having new positions created for them when they are not medically or emotionally able to handle the one they are currently in, often with raises and perks like being able to work from home, a private office, choosing their own hours, etc. While this sounds wonderful and equitable, it leaves some of us, okay, me, feeling a little resentful. I’m a private person! I don’t want to be the squeaky wheel. I pride myself on being self-sufficient and a model employee. I love the people I work with and the work I do. I find it rewarding and w…

A reader writes: I was hired about six months ago at a prestigious organization in my field. My coworker, Fred, started at the same time in a similar position. We work closely and we get along well, for the most part. I consider him something of a friend — or, at least, I felt that way until recently. We have been working together on a big report that needs to get done in the next few months. Last week, I had been working on other projects and logged back our the shared file to begin work again. We were sitting together and as I was logging in, he said (unprompted) that he had been hard at work on the report and updated and added information to a key section. I noticed …

A reader writes: I’m looking for some serious help navigating an issue. An employee at my company is likely to be transferred to my team. This person was arrested last year for soliciting a minor for sex. They are related to the CEO of the company and were bailed out. They will stand trial sometime in the near future. If anyone else were facing these charges, they would have been let go. This person has not and now I may have to deal with them on my team. I think the company’s stance is “innocent until proven guilty,” which I sort of get, but he was caught in a police sting where he was having explicit conversations with an officer posing as a teenager so public percept…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. We have one bathroom key for 18 women My workplace is moving offices next week, and our bathroom situation is changing dramatically. We’re going from five unlocked unisex bathrooms to two gendered restrooms of two cubicles each, shared with other tenants of the floor. Those bathrooms will be locked, and for our entire 25 person staff, there is one key for each gender. (I am given to understand the matter of additional keys would cost management extra, and they are … skinflints.) The trouble comes in a couple factors. One, my office is predominantly female, so we’re going to have a lot more demand for our key than the …

A reader writes: I work in healthcare and my colleagues and I are confused about what behavior crosses the line and can be classified as “abusive.” We are a small workplace and therefore don’t have high up HR/management to ask. The owner of the surgery also finds this a grey zone. For example, I was supposed to be doing some treatment on a patient but our entire computer system was down for two days, so no access to notes, X-rays, etc. It was a disaster, but out of our hands. We decided we would not be able to do treatments on anyone who needed anything more than a quick review. But we had no way of even knowing who was coming in to be able to cancel patients in advanc…

A reader writes: One of my employees, “Brenda,” is a sweet, kind, sensitive, empathetic soul. A self-described empath, she cries easily and is a feeler’s feeler. (She feels things about my life that I don’t even feel!) She gets emotional when given any sort of feedback that isn’t glowing (and even sometimes over feedback that is glowing) and when Brenda realizes that she has caused a problem of some sort – regardless of how small – she is often teary-eyed for the rest of the day. Until recently, I’ve been able to manage her fairly effectively, but now I’m unsure of how to set expectations without sounding particularly heartless. Brenda is in the midst of a highly emotio…

A reader write: I’ve been subject to our disciplinary process at work for the last two months, relating to issues such as “forgot to fill in a spreadsheet” and “didn’t ask for help quickly enough,” among other claims that all compound each other (one issue caused another, etc.). I have provided context during the disciplinary process and flagged that while I don’t disagree that there are occasional issues with my work, I would have expected it to be raised informally first (they went immediately to a disciplinary process while threatening dismissal). My supervisor, Linda, has provided a number of the allegations and supporting evidence (screenshots of personal chats, et…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker makes a big deal of my mistakes I have a colleague who, when she sees I’ve made a mistake, makes a big deal out of it and apparently wants me to as well. Our dialogues go something like this: Her: Suzy, you forgot to email X about Y. Me: Okay. Her (in a “no, seriously” tone of voice): You forgot to email X about Y. Me: Okay. Her (in an “I don’t think you get it” tone): Y. You forgot to email X about it. Me: Okay. Her (laughs in a “whatever, psycho” sort of way): Okay, then, Suzy. Wow. I’m not sure what reaction she wants me to give her. Hysteria? She then goes to my boss and points out that I forgot…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Lost Lambs, by Madeline Cash. As their parents’ marriage unravels, their three teenage daughters each get into different sorts of trouble. Funny and a pleasure to read. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – March 7-8, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – March 6, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. HR wants me to give someone a bad review they don’t deserve, to cover up HR’s own mistake I am a manager for a small team of engineers. One of my direct reports was given a new role that was supposed to come with a promotion and pay bump this year. It turned out that our local HR did not have the authority to actually increase his payband and rebranded the new role as a “lateral move.” Now reviews are due, and I am being told to artificially give another person on my team a bad review so that we can give a larger raise to the person who took on a new role. It feels really bad and unethical to do this. Especially sinc…

A reder writes: Over the past few years, my responsibilities have grown well beyond my original job description. I now manage procurement end-to-end, track budgets, support multiple project managers, and draft reports. This expansion has happened informally — no title change, no pay adjustment, and no formal acknowledgement of the shift in scope. What’s making it harder is that after four years in the role, my team lead has openly said they don’t really understand procurement. As a result, I often feel like I’m operating without informed oversight or support, yet I’m still accountable when something is questioned. Recently, I attended what I thought was a general catch…

Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. A medical tech repeatedly proselytized to me I had an appointment with my doctor this morning and told him that one of the techs had made me uncomfortable by repeatedly discussing her religious beliefs with me even after I directly asked that she not. I used the phrasing a couple of commenters suggested — that she essentially was telling me that if I accepted Jesus into my life, my mental health would improve. My doctor thanked me for telling him, apologized for my experience, and said that he would make sure that this behavior would not happen again with me or other patients. Interestingly, he did not ask me which tec…

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I work in a field that leans heavily towards freelance gig work these days, but I’ve been lucky enough to work in-house for a firm since making a career change into this industry six years ago. I’ve done a bit of freelance on the side here and there, but not a lot, and I haven’t been self-promoting as a person who’s looking for work because, well, I wasn’t! I had a full-time job that I loved! Well … now I’ve been laid off as my firm downsized, and I’m going to have to go freelance on pretty short notice. Obviously I’ll be job searching as well, but it’s hard to overstate just how much this industry is based …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I’ve run out of a patience with a rude coworker I’ve run out of patience with a difficult coworker, Mary. I’m one of the few people who has to deal with Mary in person, and my work is closely tied with hers. She’s entry-level while I’m mid-level, but I’m not her manager or supervisor. She has difficulty completing her work, which causes many problems for her. I have tried mightily to be her friend and mentor for the past few years, but her struggles continue. We’re locked in a difficult dynamic where I have to sit back and watch her flail, and I bear the brunt of her complaints. On a personal level, most people find h…

A reader writes: My fully remote company just announced that our mandatory, weekly, hour-long, all-staff Zoom meeting will now be required to be camera on and mic on for all 60+ attendees. It seems like they’re trying to recreate the feeling of us all being in person. However, to me, and to I imagine a lot of people, the new requirements sound like literal torture. This seems like a perfect “push back as a group” situation … but I don’t know how to do that in a remote setting. While I suspect my manager would also find this new requirement bonkers, I’m not so sure about his boss. I’m mostly an independent contributor, so I don’t have much incidental interaction with oth…

Breakups are miserable under the best of circumstances. But when the person you’re breaking up with is also a coworker, welcome to a new layer of hell: instead of getting distance, you still have to see each other every day, smile politely in meetings, and pretend nothing is wrong while coexisting professionally in an office that now feels charged with history. At Slate today, I wrote about office breakups. You can read it here. The post you can’t go no-contact with someone you share a printer with appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: I’m a manager of a four-person team, on which I was previously an individual contributor. The four team members work in cubes in an open office area and my office is down a nearby hall. We’re a casual office, and the team generally gets along well. While each person has their own accounts and tasks, they interact with each other throughout the day, chatting and discussing work. The issue is two members of the team, Peach and Daisy. Peach is very open with her mental health struggles and is an open book on most anything but can be emotionally volatile. Daisy, who sits next to Peach, tells me that Peach is constantly on an emotional rollercoaster. She say…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Can we refuse a massage appointment for a sex offender? I am a front desk coordinator in a clinic that is part of a large healthcare system. I schedule appointments and assist patients who come in to see providers of various departments, including massage therapy. Recently, I saw an alert about a patient who was scheduled to see a particular massage therapist that indicated he had been discharged from another clinic in the same healthcare system for sexual harassment. Part of my job is to review past appointments for patients, and I saw that in his written scheduling request, he self-identified as a convicted sex offen…

A reader writes: My workplace occasionally recognizes staff birthdays, but isn’t consistent. Sometimes there’s cake, sometimes bagels, sometimes nothing, and it’s often a last-minute announcement which can be frustrating to people who already have food planned out for the day. Someone brought up the idea of bringing back a past practice: the monthly celebration of all January (for example) birthdays in one go. This could allow for consistent “observance” of birthdays, planning ahead on whether you bring a lunch, and less worrying about the impact on the budget. I know not everyone feels the same way about their birthday so I turned to AAM for insights on how to start s…

A reader writes: My workload is mostly comprised of overflow tasks from other departments. I generally like this because it gives me a variety of things to do. I regularly deal with four managers. Three of them are good to work with. One, Alex, is … not. While the others always do a capacity check-in with me (asking if I have the bandwidth to take new work on), Alex regularly assigns me things without asking at all. It is not unusual that I will go on lunch and come back to a bunch of new tasks waiting for me with no discussion prior to assignment. The things Alex assigns me have exceptionally short deadlines, are often missing key pieces of information, and are often …

A reader writes: I work in a cubicle office and bring a trained, medically necessary service dog named “Betty” to the office with me. I allow her to socialize with coworkers on breaks, and she is very loved in the office for how friendly and adorable she is. She also adores her coworkers and thinks everyone is her best friend. Unfortunately, a new coworker, “Sarah,” has been repeatedly ignoring service dog boundaries with Betty over the last six months. These boundary violations include taking Betty out of my cube while I’m on work calls or distracted, removing her leash in public work areas without asking, entering my cube without permission to interact with her, and …