Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I’m in senior leadership at a mid-sized company. My department has a number of processes and procedures that other departments need to follow and my team also handles compliance issues, so I’m often giving instructions or reminding folks of various steps they need to be taking. No matter how soft I make the feedback, no matter how benign the feedback is, I get defensiveness and over-explanation in return. A classic example is, “Please remember to copy [employee] on these requests because they track these for our department.” I expect “will do!” and, instead I get, “I haven’t done this process before, but when I do X other process, I don’t have to copy an…

A reader writes: I was recently out to lunch with my manager and a client we’ve worked with for many years. We were talking about how the shift to WFH has changed the way we approach certain parts of our job and how we feel our companies get more work out of us than ever before because we aren’t chatting with folks in the office/going out to lunch/etc. nearly as much – all standard conversation these days. Then my manager (with whom I generally have a good relationship) said something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about: “I don’t believe that people who work from home should take sick days.” I was honestly flummoxed! I sputtered something about illnesses lik…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss secretly arranged for me not to get paid for committee work I recently volunteered to serve on a committee at work. The group meets once a week during lunch and hosts weekend activities five times a year. Members who serve on the committee receive a stipend of $1,500 per year. Obviously this doesn’t amount to much when spaced out over a year’s paychecks, but I appreciate the nod to the extra work we do. When I got my first check after I began serving on the committee, I noticed the stipend hadn’t been added. I thought it was probably just an oversight and mentioned to my supervisor that I’d be running over to …

A reader writes: I am part of a small team in a global corporation. My team works closely with other teams in the department, and we often have weekly or biweekly catch-ups to update each other on projects. My colleagues are mostly nice and pleasant to work with. There’s only one problem: everyone is obsessed with Taylor Swift. And I don’t mean it in a “owns a few of her albums and liked them” sort of way. It’s something more akin to religious fervor. They log in from rooms plastered with Taylor Swift posters and talk about her in almost every meeting. They sneak references in marketing content. The passwords we use for our shared software accounts are all Taylor Swift-…

A reader writes: I manage a team of five younger professionals (all between the ages of 25 to 30). I have noticed that each of them prefers to communicate with me almost exclusively by text message or through the chat feature in our collaboration software. Conversations by phone, video, or in-person only happen when I initiate them. When I initiate an in-person conversation or phone call, my employees don’t seem opposed and typically are very engaged, but if left up to them it seems like all of the interaction with me would be via text or chat. In my own career, I’ve always valued being able to talk one-on-one with my manager, whether it’s during a formal meeting or imp…

Earlier this month we talked about work restaurant meals gone wrong, and here are 12 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The mistaken identity I (F) was in my mid-30s and traveling to work with a client. He had sent up a dinner that should have included five or six of us on the project. Everyone backed out except me, which is how I found myself at a cozy, fireside table for two at a dark but excellent Boston restaurant, drinking a glass of champagne. (I was in my bubbles era…) And who should happen to be dining there but his wife’s cousin, who barged up to the table wanting to know why he was sipping bubbly with me rather than hanging out at home with his extremely pr…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Two of my employees don’t get along I am a manager of a few different groups, including a group of customer service representatives. This team seems to always have tension between two people. They both feel that the other isn’t doing enough or doing things incorrectly/not up to standard. They get in passive-aggressive arguments on Teams about very minor things like who will do the mail and who highlighted something on a sheet. I had to create a mail schedule and remove their access to items. Now they are both refusing to speak with each other and continue to complain about each other. I have told them both that I can …

Growing up, we pick up all kinds of lessons from our families about work, often without even realizing it. You might have learned from your parents to view all managers adversarially, or that gumption is essential to getting ahead, or that you should keep your head down and never speak up about problems or to be excessively deferential, or that messing up was unforgivable … or maybe there are things you wish you had learned from your parents but didn’t. Let’s discuss in the comments. What lessons about work did you learn (or not learn) from your family, and how did those affect your career? The post what did you learn from your parents about work? appeared first on Ask …

A reader writes: Should you always call to let a candidate know that they won’t be getting a job offer? Here’s the context: I’ve gotten calls and emails letting me know when I wasn’t accepted for a position. And my colleagues and I all agree that we hate getting phone calls. It’s awkward! If you don’t answer the phone, you’re not going to get a voicemail telling you you didn’t get the job, you’ll get a voicemail asking you to call back. Which means you’ll get excited thinking you’re getting a job offer! And then you’re live on the phone with a hiring manager trying to manage an awkward conversation. I’ve taken to emailing rejected candidates rather than calling, for th…

A reader writes: How far can “other duties as assigned” in a job description stretch? My company is asking us to do an assignment that is wildly outside our normal job roles. Imagine that we write user manuals for the a vacuum company, and now they’re telling us we have to go out and do 2-5 weeks of door-to-door sales in another city, 12 hours a day, for 6 days a week. We’re all salaried so the hours are within the legal limits, but the work is nothing like what we were hired to do. We have not been trained in sales and many of us feel very uncomfortable doing this work, especially when it means leaving our lives behind for as much as a month. When we’ve raised this, …

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. New employee doesn’t pay attention to his training We’ve got a new guy at work: Dave. He’s still in his probation period. He’s never done this work before — he had a job which has a little overlap, but not much. I am not his manager, and haven’t worked with him much, but I have been asked to give him some training in my areas of expertise. His work so far for all of us has often been careless and has had to be repeated more times than is usual for a new starter, and he doesn’t seem to pay attention to instructions. A careful conversation with him is being planned, so that he has the chance to improve before his probat…

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – October 17, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Land of Milk and Honey, by C Pam Zhang. With food supplies disappearing after an environmental disaster, a chef escapes to a job in the Italian Alps to cook in a closed oasis for the world’s elite. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – October 18-19, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Employee lied and said his mother had died (she hadn’t) Recently, I had to terminate an employee for lying about their mother dying, let’s call him Jeff. The “death” occurred over a year ago, but 13 months later we came across info that showed us that had been a lie. In fact, Jeff’s sister had posted photos of her and Jeff on an international vacation during the same days as he was supposedly in the hospital preparing for their mother’s passing. We had already been drafting a performance plan for Jeff, and we ended up letting him go over this. Is there anything that could have been done to prevent lying about somethin…

A reader writes: The company I work for is a small father-and-son-owned business with 20 employees. This summer, our administrative assistant, Amy (age 50), broke her hand and required surgery. The injury occurred a week before a previously scheduled vacation. During her absence (one week and three days), the father (Bill) met a 21-year-old woman, Rose, at a car wash and offered her an administrative position, even though no position was open at the time. Upon returning from leave, Amy found Rose seated at her desk and was instructed to train her to perform her job duties. Amy’s own role was changed to scanning and organizing the backlog of company files, which she was …

A reader asks: I caught my employee skipping work to nap at home when she said she was meeting with a potential client. It was total happenstance; I happened to meet the potential client at a social event that night. When I asked my employee the next day why the client had no idea who I was or what our company did, the truth came out: she hadn’t met with anyone, she’d gone home to take a break and a nap. She apologized for lying, but said she’d been feeling burned out and was struggling with seasonal depression. She is my top performer and best employee all around, and we are coming off of our busy season, so a little burn-out is understandable. She volunteered that she …

A reader writes: I often bake for my office. I just bring in the baked goods and leave them in the kitchen. I don’t solicit compliments and I don’t directly offer them to people, either. The only compliment I need is seeing an empty tray at the end of the day. I don’t even know who tried the baked goods and I don’t seek to find out. The baked goods generally go over well and I get thank-you’s and compliments, but I also get a handful of people coming over to thank me for bringing in baked goods but explaining that they can’t eat them for whatever reason — allergies, diet, whatever. This bothers me a lot and I don’t know if I’m justified. A generous reading is that they…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworkers aren’t following our return-to-office mandate My company’s return-to-office mandate is eight days a month for at least five hours each day. The tracking system, however, only records “days in office,” not hours. As a result, many coworkers come in for an hour or two, grab coffee (we have very good coffee), and leave. They don’t get flagged because the system shows compliance, even though they’re not following the written rules. My manager hasn’t addressed it, though he must know it’s happening. I’ve been following the letter of the rules, and resentment is starting to build. Upper management keeps stress…

A reader writes: My question is around my work as a professional industry trainer. I do training sessions open to being booked for participants across the industry, as well as targeted training in webinar form for single businesses. These sessions are about key aspects of our work, including safety and legislative issues. The recent letter about students in academic settings whispering in class has really stirred up thoughts about a pattern I’m seeing in these sessions. Participants, often including managers or leaders within a workplace, despite being asked to put their cameras on and participate, keep their cameras off and don’t respond to questions and activities des…

A reader writes: I’d love some advice about how to help out a very timid staff member, let’s call her Jane. Jane and I have 1-1 weekly professional development meetings where I can offer support, mentorship, and advice. She is not my direct report and we don’t work in the same department so our workflows never cross; our company culture is that each senior staff member (i.e., me) has regular mentoring meetings with some junior employees. Jane is very, very timid. She doesn’t feel like she can advocate for herself in her own team, and she doesn’t push back when she’s given unachievable deadlines. If she knows she can’t meet a deadline, she tries to anyway because she doe…

A reader writes: I have developed a stance over time that my friends, partner, and colleagues all say is unprofessional: I let people at work be wrong, especially if it’s not going to impact our bottom line, due dates, or project quality. I particularly stay out of things if they’re trying to get someone in trouble and it bites them in the butt afterward. When I was younger, I would over-explain myself, which made things worse/made me look unprofessional, so when someone’s wrong now I just let them be wrong, especially if I’m met with rude pushback, which can be typical in my line of work. Some examples of this include a mix-up with a client meeting due to time zones. …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. How much should I expect to hang out with my coworker on a week-long work trip? I have an upcoming work trip that I’m feeling a little anxious about, mostly because I’m unsure how to handle the social side of things. It’s a week-long trip with just one coworker. They seem lovely, but we haven’t worked closely together before. I’ve traveled with larger groups in the past, and in those situations the unspoken norm seemed to be: do dinner together at least once or twice, and apart from that, it’s okay to stay in or go out on your own if you prefer. After all, there are others in the group they can spend time with if they…

A reader writes: I was on a Zoom call today with my direct report and an intern. I momentarily took off my headphones to blow my nose and put myself on mute. However, through the headphones I heard my direct report say to the intern, “He’s so clueless!” I am struggling with the best way to respond. Not only is this unprofessional behavior, but I have spent a lot of time training the direct report and have praised her to the higher-ups, as well as recently encouraged the leadership team to give her greater responsibility. So it feels a bit as a betrayal as well. She’s a millennial and I’m the youngest of the boomers if that matters, which it shouldn’t. What would be the…

Federal workers and others affected by the government shutdown: we’re in day 22 with no end in sight. How are you doing? What’s going on in your workplace / with your colleagues? The post government shutdown day 22: how are you doing? appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: This year, several people in my reporting line have asked for last-minute vacation days because a partner or friend “surprised” them with a trip or event – already booked and, of course, non-refundable. Each time we’ve bent policy so they don’t lose out, but it’s starting to feel like we’re rewarding poor planning (or very confident gift-givers). One person has even done it twice! Everyone making these requests is in their early 20s, while I’m over 40 and feeling more curmudgeonly every day. Is this a generational thing – maybe inspired by TikTok surprise reveal culture – or just pure luck that I’d never encountered it before? What really gets me is th…