Performance Tracking and Feedback

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here’s an update from a letter-writer way back in 2009 whose coworker was a not-very-well-behaved ex (first update here). I left the country and HR a few years later, moved to a different country in a different department, and was introduced to a colleague by another colleague. Got married to the colleague, continued working there, had a family (human and cats). We both got burned out and decided to semi FIRE, moved to a third country, and are now staying in a small, progressive town with loads of greenery. We joke that we m…

Most office routines aren’t exactly thrilling: you answer emails, survive meetings that could have been a Slack message, and silently curse your coworker for not saving the spreadsheet you need on the shared drive. But some offices have embraced the weird and wonderful, establishing traditions that range from hilarious to outright bizarre. At Slate today, I shared 15 of the greatest work traditions I’ve heard about from readers. (And it’s probably significant that all of these traditions appear to have developed organically! None of these stem from organized team-building or “mandatory fun.”) You can read it here. The post the 15 greatest office traditions you’ve never…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My client “befriended” me and now isn’t paying for my work I am a self-employed home manager. I gained a new client via referral a few months ago. She is very nice and friendly, and I am a friendly “relationship building” type of professional. This has served me well in getting and keeping clients and in sales previously. I admit, I do struggle with crossing the line — oversharing too much personal info, experiences, etc. — and with this particular client, it has backfired. After working with her for a few weeks, I offered to help with one task at no charge to help her out during a very difficult time in her personal …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Employer pulled my offer after I asked questions Last year I worked at a school I absolutely loved in a contract middle leadership position, covering leave. They were very happy with my work, but as there was only space for one person in the role, I couldn’t stay on. This year, however, the permanent staff member resigned and the school immediately contacted me to ask if I was interested in returning. I said yes, but explained I needed to weigh it up carefully, as I had just started a new permanent role elsewhere. The position was advertised and I went through the recruitment process. After my interview on Thursday, I…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Vaping on video calls I work for Company A. We partner closely with Company B on a few projects. There is a power dynamic where Company B provides more resources and calls more shots than we do, and I am very new on the team. I was on a Zoom call with an important person from Company B recently, and she was vaping on the call. She probably used her vape device at least 10 times on the call, and smoke was visible. She didn’t mention it, and neither did I. I don’t know what she was using, and she appeared to be in her home, though I’m not sure. I was so shocked, as it seemed wildly unprofessional, but I didn’t say anyt…

A reader writes: I have managed someone, let’s call her Rachel, for over a year and a half. The majority of the experience has been negative — she’s rude, feeds on drama, and produces low-quality work. I’ve had several discussions with her on improving her performance. After a lot of painful experiences, she resigned while I was on vacation. She only gave a week’s notice, and since I’m on vacation we will only have two days overlap. I know as a manager I have the responsibility to be professional and courteous, but I can’t stomach the idea that we even have to interact at all on those two final days. I have even contemplated rescheduling our team meeting to the day afte…

A reader writes: I have a pretty low-stakes question but it’s been on my mind a lot lately: is it tacky to bring branded items from your old job to your new job? For context: I used to work for a big tech company, and I acquired a lot of swag over my tenure: jackets, mugs, travel cups, etc. At my old role, my colleagues and I would use branded items from competitors and no one batted an eye; lots of them would be free items from conferences and similar events, and hey, sometimes that branded travel mug from our competition is just REALLY nice. But I’ve switched to a more conservative industry (law) and I’m wondering if it would be weird to bring branded stuff from my o…

A reader writes: I’m in senior leadership at a mid-sized company. My department has a number of processes and procedures that other departments need to follow and my team also handles compliance issues, so I’m often giving instructions or reminding folks of various steps they need to be taking. No matter how soft I make the feedback, no matter how benign the feedback is, I get defensiveness and over-explanation in return. A classic example is, “Please remember to copy [employee] on these requests because they track these for our department.” I expect “will do!” and, instead I get, “I haven’t done this process before, but when I do X other process, I don’t have to copy an…

Earlier this month we talked about work restaurant meals gone wrong, and here are 12 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The mistaken identity I (F) was in my mid-30s and traveling to work with a client. He had sent up a dinner that should have included five or six of us on the project. Everyone backed out except me, which is how I found myself at a cozy, fireside table for two at a dark but excellent Boston restaurant, drinking a glass of champagne. (I was in my bubbles era…) And who should happen to be dining there but his wife’s cousin, who barged up to the table wanting to know why he was sipping bubbly with me rather than hanging out at home with his extremely pr…

A reader writes: Should you always call to let a candidate know that they won’t be getting a job offer? Here’s the context: I’ve gotten calls and emails letting me know when I wasn’t accepted for a position. And my colleagues and I all agree that we hate getting phone calls. It’s awkward! If you don’t answer the phone, you’re not going to get a voicemail telling you you didn’t get the job, you’ll get a voicemail asking you to call back. Which means you’ll get excited thinking you’re getting a job offer! And then you’re live on the phone with a hiring manager trying to manage an awkward conversation. I’ve taken to emailing rejected candidates rather than calling, for th…

A reader writes: Our local business group/Chamber of Commerce had a luncheon today to hand out awards to the business community. My business was nominated and picked for an award. As I only have four employees, I closed the business for the afternoon and had them join me for the lunch and award ceremony. As the luncheon was finishing up, I left the room to go get my picture taken with the other award winners and then left. I had let my employees know they could leave at anytime and would see them tomorrow. Shortly after I got back to my office, I received a text from a fellow friend/business owner, saying I had better check out the Chamber’s Facebook page. When I looke…

A reader writes: In my free time, I love going to this nightclub by my apartment building. They have parties monthly based on different eras such as the 80s, 90s, and the 2000s. In the past year, I have gone to three 2000s parties, and the guests attending are supposed to wear things that represent fashion trends from that decade. All three times, I wore a pair of those ultra low-rise jeans that were so in back then and paired that with a visible thong (whale tail) as this was a trend back then as well. Well, all three times, the photographer at the club asked me to pose for a photo and I agreed. The photos were posted on their website. I’m not sure how, but somehow HR …

As we approach to the season of office potlucks, catered parties, and other holiday meals with coworkers, let’s discuss the many ways in which they can go wrong — from alarming cuisine to cheap-ass rolls to riots over the chili cook-off to tantrums over insufficiently abundant shrimp. Please share your stories of potlucks, cooking competitions, catered parties, and other office meals gone awry! The post when office potlucks and catered parties go wrong appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – November 14, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: I’ve been looking to move to a new company for many months now, and recently a personal connection was able to introduce me to several high-level contacts in my desired industry. Through this contact I have spoken to senior/executive-director level people at several firms that I would love to work with. However, with the exception of one conversation where we directly discussed openings at their organization, these conversations have generally been networking/informational interviewing. My connections who referred me to these contacts always seem a little surprised that the conversations have not led directly to at least an interview, but I’ve been very…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Employee lied and said his mother had died (she hadn’t) Recently, I had to terminate an employee for lying about their mother dying, let’s call him Jeff. The “death” occurred over a year ago, but 13 months later we came across info that showed us that had been a lie. In fact, Jeff’s sister had posted photos of her and Jeff on an international vacation during the same days as he was supposedly in the hospital preparing for their mother’s passing. We had already been drafting a performance plan for Jeff, and we ended up letting him go over this. Is there anything that could have been done to prevent lying about somethin…

In response to last week’s letter about a manager who didn’t want people using AI for note-taking at meetings, some readers shared particularly ridiculous firsthand examples of AI getting it wrong. For example: • Ours once transcribed a side conversation about my water bottle we had while waiting for someone to arrive, and then assumed the entire meeting, which was actually about software design, was about the water bottle. • I would like to shout-out the AI transcription tool at my old job that took notes at a meeting evaluating applicants for a job…and then automatically emailed said notes to the entire company AND to the candidates under discussion. • I once read an…

I’m off today so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2020. A reader writes: I work in an office where I’m the only person who can do 75% of my job, but there’s a second person who can do essential functions. We have a policy that only one of the two of us is allowed to request advance time off at a given time (so one of us is always in, barring emergencies). I’m getting married in October, and in relation to that requested — and was approved for — two days before the wedding and the two weeks following. I don’t take much time off and have more than enough “in the bank” to cover that with some left over. It was approved immediately b…

With aggressive ICE raids expanding to an increasing number of cities, I’m sharing the following guidance from a community organizer in Chicago about what to do if ICE shows up at your workplace. I’m in Chicago, which has been targeted aggressively by ICE and Border Patrol for the last two months. ICE actions are expanding into many other cities, and I wanted to share some resources and tips from our city’s experiences with your readers. Inc. has a solid article on the rights of business owners when ICE shows up. It’s important to know what your rights are, especially about private areas and documentation. However, ICE frequently and blatantly disregards legal limitatio…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Grace & Henry’s Holiday Movie Marathon, by Matthew Norman. After being recently widowed, a mom raising two young kids meets a man who recently lost his wife, and they slowly start to rebuild their lives. It is charming and legitimately funny and there’s a lot of Baltimore in it, and I loved it. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – November 15-16, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: I recently received an email from an employee wanting to discuss her future with the company and opportunities for advancement. I responded that we will be reorganizing the team soon (which is true) and relying heavily on her input on what responsibilities she wants to take on (also true). My issue is that it’s unlikely there will be any opportunities for advancement on our team. The organization is very hierarchical and positions are determined at an organization-wide level with little flexibility for job duties or pay increases. Her current position is at the bottom of the org chart and any opportunities to advance would probably be in a different geo…

A reader writes: I recently realized that one of the managers who reports to me, Blake, uses abusive language with his employees. Blake’s employee fear that if he knows they have reported this to me, it will create a further problem for them. I need help on how to give feedback to Blake without giving him the feeling that I came to know this from his team members. I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here. Other questions I’m answering there today include: Interviewing with the team I’…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I didn’t expect my employee to take off so much time after a family death My only direct report, Jessy, recently had an unexpected death in her spouse’s family. This has taken a huge toll on both of them, especially due to its sudden nature. Jessy let me know a couple of days after the passing. I checked her PTO balances (which are generous in our company), let her know how much time she could take, and encouraged her to take the time she needed. I expected this would be two or three days at the most. Instead, Jessy was off three days last week and three and a half this week. This has really put me in a bind and left…

A reader writes: This is a bizarre situation that happened years ago and I always wonder how I and my boss should have handled it. I don’t drink alcohol for personal reasons. My boss, Walter, was aware of this — in my field, happy hours with clients and coworkers are common, and I’d usually attend and have a soda but made clear to Walter early on that I don’t drink. Relevant information: I have some moral qualms with it personally — not judging what anyone else partakes in, but it’s not something I have an interest in consuming myself. I have known a lot of alcoholics, and while my own abstinence from alcohol isn’t religious, I do think there are some similarities to th…

Earlier this month, we talked about corporate gifts that went terribly wrong. Here are 15 of my favorite stories you shared (and 15 more about coming next week — apparently there are a lot of bad company gifts out there). 1. The playing cards One Christmas, we were all handed packs of playing cards with the company logo … not great but not terrible. Everyone can use a deck of cards right? The we opened them. Instead of the normal hearts/spades/numbers etc., the cards had our “company values” printed on them. They were custom made for a special game, like Go Fish. You were supposed to build “sets” of matching values. Like “Go Fish,” you were supposed to ask, for example…