Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: One of my employees, “Brenda,” is a sweet, kind, sensitive, empathetic soul. A self-described empath, she cries easily and is a feeler’s feeler. (She feels things about my life that I don’t even feel!) She gets emotional when given any sort of feedback that isn’t glowing (and even sometimes over feedback that is glowing) and when Brenda realizes that she has caused a problem of some sort – regardless of how small – she is often teary-eyed for the rest of the day. Until recently, I’ve been able to manage her fairly effectively, but now I’m unsure of how to set expectations without sounding particularly heartless. Brenda is in the midst of a highly emotio…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker wants to know why my boss is scheduling a meeting … and it’s to address his mistakes My coworker, Karl, is higher ranking than I am. He is actually one of the top executives, but he has been making a LOT of mistakes. The CEO, George, is aware of this and will periodically ask me for updates. Yesterday George was asking me questions about our credit card procedures. I mentioned that Karl was coding the monthly charges before he gave me the statements to pull receipts and invoices, so he could not possibly know if a particular charge was supposed to be for a certain event or charged to a certain account. We h…

A reader writes: A couple of weeks ago, I gave my employee, Rita, negative feedback on her behavior. It wasn’t what she was saying; it was how she was saying it. She was speaking rapidly and in a panicked but unwarranted manner. She was high-strung and scattered, and I felt interrogated. She accepted my feedback professionally, apologized, and showed subsequent improvement. Two days ago, a coworker texted me a link to a blog about people with disabilities and asked, “This you?” Rita has a regular column on a blog about her disability, ADHD. I knew she had an ADA accommodation, but that’s all. She wrote her latest column about our interaction. She accurately described e…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My employee wants to know where I am at all times I started a new management role three months ago and am managing a small team. One of my staff was under-performing when I started, and one of my directives was to get them on a coaching plan, which I have. As a result, they have made complaints that I’m out to get them. Luckily I’ve been documenting everything, and my boss has my back. My boss had a skip-level meeting with them to allow them to air their grievances. During this, they mentioned that my boss and I should always let them know when we…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I work in a small workplace, we’re about 40 employees. When I started at the company about five years ago, I started ordering granola bars and some treats. Then I started adding on some fizzy drinks and then progressed to some other snacks, like nuts, fruits, and cookies. None of this is supposed to be the only food people eat, but it’s nice to have some quick to grab in the middle of a busy day. I have an employee now who manages the stocking of this, plus coffee, tea, milk, and cream. An issue has arisen because we have a coworker who is vegan and he’s decided that we need to stop …

A reader writes: I manage a team of four. One of my staff members, Jeff, asked to go to a conference that was about a five-hour drive away. I approved the request as the conference would be good for his professional development. Three other staff members from our closely connected teams were also going. Jeff registered for the conference. A couple weeks later, he asked me about booking a flight to it. I was surprised by this, as the conference was a reasonable driving distance. I explained that the department would rent a van and the attendees would drive there together. (Our department wants to minimize expenses where reasonable, so this is norm unless it doesn’t make …

A reader writes: I’m in senior leadership at a mid-sized company. My department has a number of processes and procedures that other departments need to follow and my team also handles compliance issues, so I’m often giving instructions or reminding folks of various steps they need to be taking. No matter how soft I make the feedback, no matter how benign the feedback is, I get defensiveness and over-explanation in return. A classic example is, “Please remember to copy [employee] on these requests because they track these for our department.” I expect “will do!” and, instead I get, “I haven’t done this process before, but when I do X other process, I don’t have to copy an…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My employees can’t move on after I yelled at them I do not deny I have yelled at some of my employees out of frustration. I am in my 60’s and had several strokes and my demeanor is short. I have apologized, but the group of employees cannot get past the fact that I yelled and are now holding it against me. I know that I am out of touch with the younger generation, having grown up in the late 60’s and early 70’s and in a military household I would like to say, “Knock it off and get over it,” but I know that would make things worse. As an engineer, I …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. I’m off for the holiday, so here’s an older post from the archives. This was originally published in 2018. A reader writes: My company has a ridiculous late fine policy: you will be fined $2 for every minute, starting from 9:01 a.m. So if you come in at 9:05 a.m., that’s $10 you gotta pay up in cash. (This is not somewhere where down-to-the-minute coverage would be essential. It’s just typical deskbound, back-end work. I can see why the receptionist who gets the calls will need to be there smack on the dot, but the rest of us — not really.) I’ve been here for over a year, and have been fined maybe t…

A reader writes: I work for the government (not in the U.S.). A few months ago, changes were announced to our employment situation. Government employees who were able to work remotely have been doing so since the pandemic. In 2022, we were mandated back to the office two days a week. It used to be that people could choose what days they were on site, and if someone missed a day in the office here or there it was no problem. Now everyone is required to be in the office Mondays and Fridays. You are not allowed to swap for any other day of the week. You can’t work from home Monday or Friday (for example, you can’t say you’re not feeling well, have a plumber coming and need …

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. My ex works at my new job I recently got a new job (medical field) that I was very excited for. The thing is that even after turning down other offers, I have terrible luck — out of all the jobs, I accepted the offer that put me in the same room as my ex. The break-up wasn’t great. I got ghosted. So in retaliation, I made myself visible by texting her and sending friend requests on all social media (nothing mean, it was all about what her friendship meant to me). I know, childish on my part and pretty much got blocked on everything. I moved on. Bu…

Here are my favorite posts of 2025, in no particular order: 1. my employee keeps insisting he looks much younger than he is (but he doesn’t) Because humans are weird, and I love that. 2. good things that came from socializing with coworkers: marriages, dog adoptions, and more Because this was heart-warming, and these things are easy to overlook. 3. how much deference do good managers want from employees? Because breaking down this kind of question is one of my favorite things. 4. my team doesn’t want to work for a client whose politics they disagree with Because a lot of people are grappling with this right now. 5. my colleagues are upset that we’re not “speaking…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I am to be married next year and decided to send out save-the-dates early. I really like my coworkers and my boss and wanted to invite them to the wedding. When my boss received my save-the-date, they swung by my desk to congratulate me and we got to chit chatting. The conversation led to my boss asking to see a photo of my fiancé as they had never met before. I showed them a photo from my engagement and — It was like the smile literally slid off their face. I asked if they were okay, and all they said was: “Is this who you are marrying?” I was really confused and had a very bad feel…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: A few years ago, I got a promotion in a different country. The organization I had previously worked at went through a re-structure and my position was eliminated. My good friend Suzie was promoted into a position that was very similar to my former position, but higher on the org chart and with more responsibility. We stayed in touch, mostly as friends, but with cheerleading and mentoring from the sidelines too. This role was a big jump in responsibility for Suzie; she essentially leapfrogged quite a few positions. Complicating matters is the fact that the organization is an incredibl…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My friend hired me but isn’t paying me what we agreed A friend of mine recently started a business, and I happened to be the perfect candidate for the job because it’s a very specific niche. I was working for someone else, and she asked me to work for her. I would be getting paid the same amount and working the same hours, so I agreed to work for her. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been holding up her end of the deal with pay, and the hours are way different than we initially discussed. The first few months I was understanding because business started slow, but months later I’m finding that nothing is changing. I also am fi…

A reader writes: I ran a catering business on the side for a while, in addition to my regular job. I don’t do it much anymore, but on occasion I do still take paid jobs, usually for past clients. It’s a way to make some extra money and I enjoy the work. Since my friends know I still do this, it’s not uncommon for them to ask me to do catering work for their own events (parties, kids’ birthdays, etc.). This would be fine except that I can tell they think they’re doing me a favor by giving me their business, and they aren’t! I have enough of the work coming in through regular channels that I’m not really looking for more work. It’s thoughtful of them to want to pay me (a…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My remote team does annoying ice-breakers in all our meetings My fully remote team has a habit of arranging quite annoying ice breakers/team building exercises for our meetings. In the past these have included: draw your mood on the whiteboard, guess the song and sing a few bars, and others which I find too intrusive and infantile for a work context (they honestly seem like activities you would do with small children). These activities are arranged by the team admin, but seem to have the approval of the team manager. Other team members look uncomfortable during these activities, but because of our relationship (we mos…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I have a manager who you would deem unfixable, and I’m currently job hunting so I can put him behind me. In the meantime, I’d love your advice on how to handle this very emotionally draining situation. It has been two years of trying to fix him and I’ve exhausted every avenue, including seeking help from his manager. He’s not changing and I know that; he is very much out of his depth in the role, has poor professional instincts, and is emotionally juvenile. Last year, he blew up at me after I tried to reopen a conversation about my concerns regarding his shortcomings (obviously not …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I recently interviewed for a new job that I was really excited: it’s exactly what I want to be doing next in my career, at a company I’ve heard good things about, and with a salary range that would be a significant boost from what I earn currently. After the second interview, the hiring manager asked me for my references. I sent her contact info for my manager from the two previous jobs before my current one, as well as a senior colleague who I’ve worked closely with. I didn’t offer my current manager since she does not know that I’m looking, and I would rather she not know until I’m…

A reader writes: I was offered a job last week, which was going to require a 2.5-hour move. I accepted as it’s a field I love and a company ownership I had worked for previously, just not at this location. Yesterday the job fell through because the expected job salary budget didn’t come through. At all. I had been waiting on paperwork to 100% make my hiring official. I even had a start date, which had been reiterated last week when they were waiting for the national leadership to send over the papers. I am lucky that I was able to reverse my resignation at my current job. I’m also lucky that I figure I’m only out about $100. I had applied for and been accepted for an a…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I’ve been applying to new jobs for about six months and finally got an offer for a job that I was genuinely excited about; it’s for a position that would be a step up in both title and responsibility, would let me work on interesting projects, and even would let me use a skill I went to school for but haven’t really been able to use professionally up until now. When they sent me the formal job offer, the salary was a bit more than I’m making now, but I’ve always heard that it’s smart to try to negotiate for more money because this is the easiest time to get it (versus after you’re al…

A reader writes: In 30 years, I have been late to work twice. The first time, management used my emergency contact number to track me down when I was one hour late. I believe this was a misuse of my personal information, and I removed this contact information from the company systems. Now, years later, it has happened again. My manager sent police to my home for a “wellness check” because I was two hours late. In this day and age, when federal agencies are claiming that they can come into your home without a warrant, it’s more than a bit alarming to see police at one’s door. Is this even remotely acceptable? I do realize that some employers will simply terminate on a …

A reader writes: I’ve worked part-time at this company for a little over a year. It’s my first job out of college. I work in events, so my hours can vary wildly — during the weeks leading up to an event, I can be working 35-45 hours a week, but the slow times can be 5-15 hours a week. I’ve been promoted once already since working here, about eight months in, to a role that was sort of invented for me. It’s very much a small, creative, wear-a-lot-of-hats kind of company. We have another big event coming up, and the event’s producer has approached me about taking on two additional roles for this project (in addition to my current one). In my current job, I’m responsible f…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I work for a small-ish (100 people) British nonprofit. The work we do is similar to helping disabled people find homes and jobs, coaching them in social and life skills. We have developed a network of connections with local businesses who help us make this all happen. All good so far. I love my job, my coworkers and my boss. The work we do is valuable and I’m proud of it. We have plans for growth in our city so we can help more people. Again all good. But … the CEO recently brought in a consultant to work on the growth project. Next thing we know, that network of local connections …