Performance Tracking and Feedback

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My client “befriended” me and now isn’t paying for my work I am a self-employed home manager. I gained a new client via referral a few months ago. She is very nice and friendly, and I am a friendly “relationship building” type of professional. This has served me well in getting and keeping clients and in sales previously. I admit, I do struggle with crossing the line — oversharing too much personal info, experiences, etc. — and with this particular client, it has backfired. After working with her for a few weeks, I offered to help with one task at no charge to help her out during a very difficult time in her personal …

A reader writes: I’m the other side of letters you get more commonly: I am the overly talkative coworker trying to figure out how to professionally ask (read as beg) people to cut me off. I have pretty obvious/intense ADHD and do work with my doc to manage it as best we can. Unfortunately, we have not hit the magic mix yet. Since there is no hiding it for me, I am lucky to have supportive bosses who make it safe to be pretty open about it. The problem I am having is that while my current meds are really helping with most things, once I start talking, usually about something work-related, I cannot stop myself (literally screaming in my head to shut up, but hooray for exe…

A reader writes: You’ve talked about how inappropriate it is for employers to ask candidates about their salary expectations without giving out any info on salary themselves. I became a small business owner without having received training in that aspect of things, but learned early on when I am hiring to always ask the candidate their salary expectations before giving any information out about the range I am willing to offer. Why? Firstly, the money comes directly from our pockets and frankly if we can get away with paying $20/hour instead of $22/hour, why wouldn’t we? It also gives us room for raises, bonuses, etc. without taking too much of a financial hit. You alway…

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Remember the letter-writer whose coworkers were joking that she was pregnant when she wasn’t — including having a local radio host congratulate her on her “pregnancy”? Here’s the update. I was reading AAM as I do every afternoon when one of the recommended posts catapulted me back into my past. I’m the reader who wrote to you about six years ago about my co-workers who wrote into a local radio station to pretending I was pregnant as a “prank.” I’ve been meaning to share an update for a while now, and this felt like a sign In th…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworkers aren’t following our return-to-office mandate My company’s return-to-office mandate is eight days a month for at least five hours each day. The tracking system, however, only records “days in office,” not hours. As a result, many coworkers come in for an hour or two, grab coffee (we have very good coffee), and leave. They don’t get flagged because the system shows compliance, even though they’re not following the written rules. My manager hasn’t addressed it, though he must know it’s happening. I’ve been following the letter of the rules, and resentment is starting to build. Upper management keeps stress…

A reader writes: I was on a Zoom call today with my direct report and an intern. I momentarily took off my headphones to blow my nose and put myself on mute. However, through the headphones I heard my direct report say to the intern, “He’s so clueless!” I am struggling with the best way to respond. Not only is this unprofessional behavior, but I have spent a lot of time training the direct report and have praised her to the higher-ups, as well as recently encouraged the leadership team to give her greater responsibility. So it feels a bit as a betrayal as well. She’s a millennial and I’m the youngest of the boomers if that matters, which it shouldn’t. What would be the…

A reader writes: You’ve recommended that interviewers consider lunch interviews in some circumstances and advised candidates with dietary restrictions to review the menu in advance and choose a known safe item. I’m hoping you can help me navigate a more difficult version of this situation. I don’t eat any food prepared by restaurants because I can’t reliably avoid getting sick unless I’ve tested the exact item multiple times at home. Even if I review the ingredients, I might identify something that will make me sick, but I can’t be confident that it won’t (unless the only ingredient is water). While nothing I eat would cause serious injury, I’m not comfortable risking …

A reader writes: I’m job searching, and I often come across jobs where alumni of my college currently work. If I don’t know the person/people, how would I ask for their help in getting an interview or anything else related to the job I’ve applied to? I think that would be very awkward, and I don’t know why they would be inclined to help, since they don’t know me. The idea isn’t to reach out to a stranger and say, “Will you help me get an interview?” It’s to connect as a fellow alum and ask for their guidance more broadly. For example: “Hi Jane! I’m a fellow alum of Sorghum State — class of 2019! I’m trying to break into the breakfast cereal field and am really intere…

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: This is half-question, half-plea. I’d love to hear from readers who didn’t get into a fulfilling / interesting / creative / what-you-actually-want-to-do career until after age 40. I’m having a bit of a slow, long-term personal breakdown of shame over my “career.” I started out a high achiever, interested in so many things and studying so many creative and academic pursuits. I went to a good college, got great grades, and have so many interests. But graduating into the Great Recession without a much family money behind me (and not having worked during school) left me working retail / customer service / secre…

A reader writes: I work for a local government office that is being affected by the federal chaos. We currently have a hiring freeze and expect to lose several key positions when Congress finally passes a budget. Best case scenario is that the dozen or so positions we have open will be eliminated. Worst case is that one of our largest departments will be shuttered and another will be severely downsized. My team is not federally funded but is taking on a lot of the work previously done by the vacant positions. My grandboss, who came to us from the private sector just this year, feels bad that he can’t give us raises or bonuses to reward us for all the extra work we’re do…

A reader writes: I recently received an email from an employee wanting to discuss her future with the company and opportunities for advancement. I responded that we will be reorganizing the team soon (which is true) and relying heavily on her input on what responsibilities she wants to take on (also true). My issue is that it’s unlikely there will be any opportunities for advancement on our team. The organization is very hierarchical and positions are determined at an organization-wide level with little flexibility for job duties or pay increases. Her current position is at the bottom of the org chart and any opportunities to advance would probably be in a different geo…

It’s 12 more holiday stories! 1. The elves Our office did Elf on a Shelf last year to determine who worked the holidays and who didn’t. The office had always closed for a week at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year with pay but the brass had decided they wanted people working in office during the holidays. Instead of telling us months in advance so we could mitigate our plans and come up with a fair way to distribute work and time off, they told us the week after Thanksgiving and thought it would be fun to get a bunch of those creepy Elf on a Shelf things, put them in every department and have the “Elf” decide who works. Every morning we’d get a company wide email fr…

Share your holiday angst or joy in this special Thanksgiving eve non-work open thread. The post Thanksgiving eve open thread appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. Remember the letter-writer whose boss was pushing them to fundraise from their family and friends and tap their personal network for prizes for raffles? Here’s the update. In the months during which my boss was pressuring me to solicit gifts, I managed to procure exactly one in-kind gift from a local business I frequent, and I was so awkward doing it. There’s a local yarn shop that I frequent, so I intended to ask the owner for a donati…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. Remember the letter-writer whose employee was demoralized after a promotion was dangled in front her and then yanked away (#3 at the link)? Here’s the update. I met with Maple, the head of our office, and was able to uncover the truth about why they decided not to promote Joy (though it took some deeper questioning to get to it). It was your third possibility: Maple had concerns with Joy during the decision-making process. Maple felt th…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. My boss sent me a bereavement gift, then demanded to know how I felt when I received it Your advice and everyone’s comments really helped me get some perspective on the issue. I took your advice and sent a brief thank-you to the boss for the bereavement gift, saying I hoped my colleagues had passed on my appreciation at the time. I decided to treat the weird tone of the boss’s initial email as likely ChatGPT / Autocomplete / Inbox-wrangling-fatigue strangeness and definite…

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives. 1. Employee missed work because of birthday drinking An employee I manage called out today due to being hospitalized over the weekend for alcohol poisoning. The employee went out to celebrate their birthday over the weekend and overdid it on the partying. I realize this is out of work conduct; however, it is affecting the employee’s job because they called in to work. Do I have a leg to stand on if I have a serious conversation with the employee about their judgment and how this type of behavior could negatively effect their employment with our compan…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Remember the letter-writer whose new employee felt excluded on a well-meaning but cliquey team? Here’s the update. I had actually done some of the things you suggested when Anya joined (e.g., organizing a Teams call before she started so she could ask me questions and briefly meet the rest of the team before she started, having a team lunch in the staff cafeteria on her first day with us in the office, setting up coffee meetings with each member of the team in her first couple of weeks, designating an official buddy in anoth…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Before I Forget, by Tory Henwood Hoen. A lost 20something moves home to take care of her Alzheimer’s-stricken father and realizes that as he’s losing his memory, he’s somehow gaining the ability to predict the future. This could have been depressing except that the father is an absolute delight. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – January 10-11, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Can I tell a coworker I dislike him? Is it ever safe to tell a coworker you dislike them on a personal level? There’s a colleague I find very annoying. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but his personality is extremely different from mine. He’s far more optimistic and cheerful than I am. The disparity in our attitudes comes partly from me hating my job. Even though there are all sorts of ways in which it could backfire, I think I would very much enjoy telling this person I don’t like him, even if only via email. If not while we’re in the same workplace, maybe on the day one of us moves elsewhere (I’m applying for other …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I didn’t expect my employee to take off so much time after a family death My only direct report, Jessy, recently had an unexpected death in her spouse’s family. This has taken a huge toll on both of them, especially due to its sudden nature. Jessy let me know a couple of days after the passing. I checked her PTO balances (which are generous in our company), let her know how much time she could take, and encouraged her to take the time she needed. I expected this would be two or three days at the most. Instead, Jessy was off three days last week and three and a half this week. This has really put me in a bind and left…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss told me I had to be on camera while sick My department hosts a monthly zoom meeting to a large audience. That week I was working from home with a terrible cold (coughing, sneezing, runny nose, the whole package). The day the meeting was scheduled to occur, I emailed my manager excusing myself for not having my camera on as I was sick. She emailed me back with, “Please be camera ready for the meeting, all participants are expected to be on camera.” I was not presenting; I am just required to attend, and not having my camera on would not pose any disruption to the meeting. I didn’t have the energy to even reply …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Can I refuse to fetch my manager’s personal mail? I work in a room with my manager and two colleagues, and between them they order 3-10 personal packages to the office a week. They don’t get up to answer the door even when they’re sitting chatting rather than working; unless I’m on the phone, they expect me to get it. I’ve brought this up with them, but they don’t think it’s unfair. I’ve even injured myself fetching their heavy packages, and the manager’s solution was to email the team telling us to ask delivery drivers to put packages on the floor. That doesn’t solve my problem. It comes across as very entitled to ex…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. HR says I can’t use sick leave for a family emergency Recently, “life happened” and I took a day off from work because I needed to take care of some things and I wasn’t feeling mentally well. I emailed work in the morning and said that a family emergency came up so I needed to take a sick day. That seemed like the most honest description of what was happening at the time without giving too much detail. When I returned to work the next day, I submitted for sick leave. HR emailed me asking for details, saying that sick leave is provided for employees’ illness or injury, and that for other situations we need to use PTO. …

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. Clients apologize to my boss for snapping at me I am a receptionist/admin in a two-person office. I understand fully that it is my job to be the front line dealing with clients both in person and on the phone. However, I’m baffled by this thing that has happened several times in the three years I’ve been in this job, and happened again last week most egregiously. A client will snap at me over a policy I cannot change/have zero control over. They will storm out in a huff. Then later, they will call, I’ll answer the phone, they’ll ask to speak to my boss (Jane), and then once I transfer the call, they apologize to her f…