Performance Tracking and Feedback

Most office routines aren’t exactly thrilling: you answer emails, survive meetings that could have been a Slack message, and silently curse your coworker for not saving the spreadsheet you need on the shared drive. But some offices have embraced the weird and wonderful, establishing traditions that range from hilarious to outright bizarre. At Slate today, I shared 15 of the greatest work traditions I’ve heard about from readers. (And it’s probably significant that all of these traditions appear to have developed organically! None of these stem from organized team-building or “mandatory fun.”) You can read it here. The post the 15 greatest office traditions you’ve never…

A reader recently sent me a cover letter that I want to share as a great example of explaining a maybe surprising job history: she had started in one field, then left it, then was trying to come back to it. First, though, the caveats I’ve learned to give when sharing these: The writer has allowed me to share this as a favor to me and to readers. Please remember she’s a real person when you’re commenting. This writer’s voice is her voice. It will not be your voice, and that’s part of the point. There is no single cover letter in the world that all hiring managers will love or that would be the right fit for every employer and every industry. But I receive letters all th…

A reader writes: I’m a manager in an office environment. I’m not involved in hiring or firing. I only make recommendations, and someone else makes the decision and implements it. My instructions are not to talk to the person about it and refer any of their questions to HR. I’ve heard from former employees that when the company lets someone go, they don’t tell them anything about why, just that today is their last day. In some cases the person getting fired expects it somewhat based on past conversations, but some people are completely blindsided and never know what made them lose their job. Is this normal? I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, wh…

A reader writes: I’m absolutely prepared for you to tell me there is nothing I can do about this at all besides ignore it, but I REALLY need to change my thinking around my boss’s parenting choices, which I find bizarre and am frankly tired of hearing about. My boss’s adult daughter and 13-year-old grandchild live with her. The daughter doesn’t work but often needs my boss to babysit. Fine, this is her business. But when she leaves work to do it, she gives us a convoluted and overly detailed explanation of why, every time. This has the effect of making it seem much more annoying than it would be otherwise, especially if we’re in the middle of a deliverable or project. …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Coaching a female employee to apologize less, as a man I’ve been thinking about your response to “my employee apologizes all the time,” specifically: “I think from the name on your email that you’re a woman, so one way to address it is to point out that women in particular tend to overapologize and that it can make them seem less confident and less authoritative than men” I’m a male manager in a field that’s pretty welcoming to women, thankfully, so throughout my career, my teams have always had significantly more women than men. I’ve wrestled with how to address the above (which I’ve seen firsthand), and also the oth…

A reader writes: I’m not quite a year out from graduating college. I left my first “professional” job after only eight months (due to a workload that required us working seven days a week, a manager who texted our personal cellphones at all hours and days demanding answers about work tasks, etc.) and just started my second job in a much lower-paying field about two months ago. At my first job, my manager wanted to be cc’d on everything … and I mean everything. He’d complain if he was not cc’d on the most mundane of emails, and even requested that our broader 12-person team would be included as well. This was even for things that were extremely specific to me, such as re…

Here’s some coverage of Ask a Manager in the media recently: I talked to Slate about the death of the work happy hour. I talked to CNBC about how people are feeling about work right now. I talked to CNBC about how people returning to their offices are encountering very messy coworkers. I talked to CNBC about why generational stereotypes are often BS. I talked to CNBC about some TikTok career advice I support. The post Ask a Manager in the media appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: My generally good manager recently gave me a dressing-down over a statement I made in a meeting. During the ensuing discussion, it came out that she relies on body language and facial expressions to figure out what people are “really thinking.” I knew that she does something like that, because every time she assigns me a task, she will keep explaining why it’s necessary well after I’ve agreed, so now I fake enthusiasm. Similarly, I proactively explain even the tiniest twinge of hesitation I think might have made its way to my facial expression, because she’s going to ask me about it anyway and then refuse to take “no concerns” for an answer. However, de…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. How to ask HR for additional support without undermining my boss Recently, I raised a concern with my skip-level manager, Crowley, about a colleague (Alastair) making inappropriate comments about my appearance. Crowley immediately flagged the comments as inappropriate, told me I shouldn’t have to deal with remarks about my age or appearance at work, and said he’d speak to Alastair’s manager — which he did the same day and confirmed when it was done. He also told me to come to him again if anything similar happens. Now, Alastair has emailed me to apologize and ask what, specifically, he said that made me feel disrespec…

Last week we talked about ridiculous examples of micromanagement, and here are 16 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The insufficiently festive cookies My boss decided we all should make cookies and do a cookie swap for Christmas. The cookies needed to be sufficiently festive and colorful, however. She brought in a cookbook with pictures of cookies on the front to show types would pass muster. She specifically pointed out some powdered sugar covered chocolate cookies as being not colorful, but they would be allowed because a beloved relative of hers used to make them during the holidays. I happened to like those cookies and they were easy to make, so I brought them.…

A reader writes: I recently hired a new administrative employee. His job is to answer phones, greet guests, and complete various tasks I assign to him. His customer service skills are strong, but his attention to detail is very weak. I have given a lot of feedback and training, but he continues to make basic mistakes and misses almost every deadline I give him. But he is constantly telling me how great of a job he’s doing. He routinely tells me things like, “You are going to be so happy when I show you what I’ve done for you!” or “You are going to love me, I am making your life so much easier!” and then hands me a report that I have to spend a half hour correcting. Yest…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My office is infested with mice, and no one will do anything There is an active mouse issue at my work, and I am having trouble finding a way to tell my boss how done I am with this situation. About eight months ago, our building was taken over by new management. My work space is located in the basement and, with seasons changing, mice have moved in. This was not an issue with the previous bulding management company. They have installed traps, but the problem has gotten worse, not better. At this point there have been mice running across my desk while I am working, right next to my feet, and in sight of clients. I ha…

Last week we talked about office thefts, and here are some of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The bike My coworker and I both biked to work fairly often. One day, my coworker didn’t bike but I did. My coworker left the office before I did and stole my bike, because he forgot he didn’t bike and just grabbed a bike and left. The funniest part is that said coworker is nearly a foot taller than me, so his bike is much larger, and also a different color. He made it all the way home before realizing that (1) there was already a bike in his home, (2) he had car keys in his pocket, and (3) the bike he had was not his, it was mine. (He brought it back the next day, and apolo…

A reader writes: I’ve been at my company for five years and enjoy my job. The work is in line with what I want to do long-term, I’m getting great experience, the people I work with are nice, and my boss is easy to work for and has mentored me in ways I’ve never received at a job before. All things considered, I’m pretty happy here. However, about a year ago, my boss brought up the possibility of a promotion. There’s no natural role for me to move into (the next position up is hers, and she’s not going anywhere), but she proposed creating a job where I’d take on more responsibility for some pieces of running the department, including things like training new hires and re…

A reader writes: I recently accepted a new job where I will be managing a newly created team. I have been a manager before, but this new job will be a new challenge. The team I am managing has been tasked with leading a culture change in the company. The company has had many employees leave. In some cases, they left without another job lined up or took a job somewhere else with less pay or a lower title. Most gave little or no notice and left on poor terms. It’s been a problem for a long time, but things have been getting worse recently. Some former employees did agree to exit interviews but all of the ones who left over the problems had the same complaints: * Parents …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Dealing with a spider phobia on work calls I work from home 100% of the time. I also am deeply afraid of spiders (as well as most creatures with six or more legs). I normally do not encounter creatures with six or more legs due to living in a big city, but unfortunately I still get the occasional unwanted visitor. I’ve worked very hard over the years on getting my fear reactions under control, but if I get surprised and the spider is within close range, I often can’t help but let out a short scream or yell. Thankfully this has only happened once while on a call, and it was an informal call with one of my coworker budd…

Remember the letter-writer asking how to manage someone with poorly controlled ADHD? Here’s the update. I found your response very helpful and I’m working my way through all the comments as well. The situation was already resolved by the time this was published, but it’s helpful to reflect back on what I could have done better, and hopefully others will learn from this too! It’s fascinating to see the commenters weighing in on the importance of accommodations vs personal responsibility. I’m also learning a lot about the uniqueness of ADHD coping methods, not only that different people find different approaches helpful, but also that the same person will need different a…

Whenever a new generation ages into the work world, the sky always seems to be falling, accompanied by much hand-wringing from their elders. We were told millennials were overly entitled participation-trophy-chasers, and Gen X were disaffected slackers. In my experience, this is usually BS. Most of the complaints about any new generation at work are simply about young people. It’s about their inexperience, not their generation. But Gen Z might actually be grappling with a different set of challenges, because of both the pandemic and the move to remote work just as they’re establishing their careers. My column at Slate today explores whether there’s anything to that — and…

A reader writes: I’m enjoying my current job, which is a pleasant surprise to me, considering how many awful workplaces are out there. Of course it’s not perfect, but by and large the management seems to be healthy, which is one of the biggest things I was looking for. It might seem so good in comparison to my most significant prior experience with authority and leadership, which was in my family of origin and was controlling, fear-based, and abusive in various ways. I had only recently moved out of my parents’ home when I started this job, so in addition to learning the ropes of the “official” workplace for the first time, I was also (and am still) learning the ropes o…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Manager husband is cheating with a much younger employee A very dear friend of mine has recently learned that her husband/partner of 10 years has been cheating on her. They work together, in different departments but with some overlap, and everyone at work knew that they were married with children. Her husband is 31 years old and a manager, the affair partner is 20-21 and a junior staff member on his team. He has been scheduling them on late shifts together in order to facilitate the affair. He has decided to continue the relationship with the affair partner rather than pursue marriage counselling or reconciliation. M…

It’s Memorial Day! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on anything you want to talk about. The post Memorial Day open thread appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: The Love Elixir of Augusta Stern, by Lynda Cohen Loigman. A retired pharmacist moves to a retirement community in Florida, where she reconnects with a man from her past. The story alternates between their relationship in the present day and what happened between them when they were growing up in Brooklyn in the 1920s. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – May 24-25, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the fu…

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – May 23, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. Should I tell my job I’m going to quit if they don’t deal with my horrible coworker? I’ve been at this job for over 15 years. My coworker, Sally, has been here for less than three. She has questioned my experience and knowledge from the start, despite my seniority, but it got worse in late 2024. Among other things, she has slept at her desk every day since I started noticing it last year (not exaggerating). She talks down to everyone she works with, but especially me. She has made awful comments about people’s bodies and talks about her own bodily functions far more than is appropriate. My schedule was changed so I wo…

A reader writes: I’m the president of a small grassroots not-for-profit board and I have plenty of virtual meetings with other board members, volunteers, community partners, and staff for one reason or another. I’m wondering if you have any suggested language for when people no-show for meetings. It’s a relatively minor issue, but it happens often enough to be pretty irritating. I’m not necessarily asking for language about setting expectations for attending meetings in general, but words to use in the immediate aftermath: when I don’t know what happened and so I’m partially worried but also annoyed. I try to give the benefit of the doubt, so I’ll send things like, “Mis…