Performance Tracking and Feedback

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I can’t shake my crush on a former coworker I try not to view my coworkers as romantic prospects for the obvious reasons (women come to work to advance their careers, not to cater to the romantic whims of their coworkers!). As a woman in my 20s, I’ve experienced a few sexual overtures at work and in public, and I certainly don’t want to impose my own romantic demands on a fellow young woman who simply wants to do her job. However, I can’t shake my crush on a former coworker, “Diana.” Over the summer, I worked seasonally on the same large team as Diana. (She does year-round, part-time work for this employer.) While we …

A reader writes: I run outbound marketing for a tech startup serving founders and salespeople. We often send promotional/announcement emails from my email address to subscribers who have opted in to receive our updates. We recently sent a very harmless and innocuous announcement message, to which I received the following reply: “Why the FUCK am I getting this email” The message was from a personal Gmail account and included the sender’s cell phone number. A quick LinkedIn search revealed that the sender is employed at a major financial services firm as a personal wealth advisor (investment manager) for high net worth individuals. What he doesn’t know is, I’m a client …

A reader writes: I have been managing a corporate team for a little under a year, and I’ve gotten to know them all over the last few months. One employee, Sally, is smart, quiet, and a hard worker. However, when I talk to her, I started noticing that I was getting a lot of silence and a glazed look back. I tried a few different ways to ask questions and have a conversation over the months, but nothing has led to a change in her demeanor. At one point, I was wondering if she was high at work, since she seemed to me to be so checked out during conversation. Then a few months ago, I learned about the Gen Z stare – and I think that’s what I’ve been encountering! Sally is Ge…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Getting drunk texts from a former coworker I have been remote working at a company for about a year and a half now, and have been enjoying it. About a month ago, I had a coworker reach out and ask if he could use me as a reference for a job he was interviewing for. I gave him my number for the application, I gave my reference to the company, and he left for his new job shortly after. Then things started to get odd. Now that he has my number, I’ve started to get gibberish texts from him late at night, almost like sleeptalking. Like “I’m such an idiot, going to baseball later, tell me why?” When asked about it, he has a…

Sometimes the biggest battles at work — and definitely the funniest — are over very small things: the office-wide meltdown when new phones were installed with fewer speed dial buttons; mundane parking rules that led to threats, bribery, and fake parking tickets; a rebellion after a change to the cafeteria’s sushi trays; and a full-on mutiny over thinner bacon. Let’s discuss very big office battles over very small things. Share what you’ve seen in the comment section. The post let’s discuss: very big office battles over very small things appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: I work for a small company, only eight people. Every December, we receive all kinds of gifts from vendors and clients – gift baskets, cookies, candy, wine, and so forth. These are usually accompanied by cards making it clear that the gifts are intended for the whole office to thank us for our work that year. Sometimes people even drop off gifts in person, and they will say things like, “This is for the whole office to enjoy.” Every time, my boss will take the gifts into his own office so no one else can have any of them, or he takes them home for his family. The only time we ever get to enjoy the gifts ourselves is if it’s something he doesn’t like. (Th…

Share your holiday angst or joy in this special Thanksgiving eve non-work open thread. The post Thanksgiving eve open thread appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Ladies in Waiting: Jane Austen’s Unsung Characters, by Adriana Trigiani and more. A bunch of well-known authors, including my personal favorite Elinor Lipman, reimagine the lives of some of Jane Austen’s minor characters, including Mary Bennett, Georgiana Darcy, Caroline Bingley, and Miss Bates. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – November 29-30, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. A reader writes: I have a newer employee who isn’t doing well. She has another job that I think she works at while on breaks, and I believe it’s causing distractions (and long lunch hours). She’s never actually told me about it but her cell phone voicemail is set for it. Do I bring up the other job when I am discussing her mediocre performance with her? I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here. Oth…

We have once again entered the season of forced workplace merriment, holiday party disasters, and other seasonal delights! Thus it is time to hear about your office holiday debacles, past or current. Did you pass out naked in the break room? Did your manager provide you with a three-page document of “party procedures”? Did your seven-year-old tell your boss the party food “tastes like shit”? These are all real stories that we’ve heard here in the past. Now you must top them. Share your weirdest or funniest story related to holidays at the office in the comments. The post share your funniest office holiday stories appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. Can I refuse to pray with my religious client? The advice you gave me was very useful and it helped me to organize my thoughts and see the situation in a more rounded fashion. I have decided to lean into pretending to be religious and keep this client as long as I can. I have my elderly mother living with me and, thanks to the policies of the administration these people voted in, we are struggling and will struggle even further when the health insurance premiums increase ag…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. I’m panicking in my new job (#3 at the link) Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my letter. I really appreciated your advice, and I’m also really grateful for the commenters. I screenshotted a lot of their kind words to reread when I was second guessing myself. So … I did end up quitting that job after a month without having something lined up. Things spiraled pretty quickly after I got your response. I was repeatedly assigned tasks I had no experience in, ask…

It’s round 2 of the Worst Boss of 2025 voting. In the first round we narrowed the pool from eight nominees to four (see results here). The four winners from round one are paired off in two match-ups below, as we move closer to declaring a winner. 1. Repulsive Rivals – The Nominees: the CEO keeps asking young male employees to try her breast milk my boss said I’m threatened by his “masculine energy” 2. A Loathsome Line-up – The Nominees: my boss told me to stop having sex with my boyfriend or quit my job my company makes summer interns wear bikinis If the voting isn’t showing up for you, you can also vote directly here: pair 1, pair 2 The post vote for the wors…

It’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. Remember the letter-writer whose employer who laid them off and then wanted them to sign an indemnification (#2 at the link)? Here’s the update. Your advice was incredibly helpful. My previous manager continued to send me multiple followup texts regarding the indemnification that felt very guilt-tripping (reminding me they could not proceed with the critical business operation unless I signed and agreed). I did not reply to any of the tex…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. How do I manage petty behavior between two employees who dislike each other? For context, I am not the manager of either of these employees, just an innocent bystander trying to help the manager figure this out. The feedback that was given to both of these employees was relatively similar to what you suggested. Basically, the manager focused not on the specific incidents, but instead on telling these employees that the expectation is that they treat all coworkers with profe…

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – December 19, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Remember the letter-writer whose new employee felt excluded on a well-meaning but cliquey team? Here’s the update. I had actually done some of the things you suggested when Anya joined (e.g., organizing a Teams call before she started so she could ask me questions and briefly meet the rest of the team before she started, having a team lunch in the staff cafeteria on her first day with us in the office, setting up coffee meetings with each member of the team in her first couple of weeks, designating an official buddy in anoth…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. Interviewing in person while visibly pregnant (#2 at the link) Thanks for your advice about addressing my pregnancy during an interview process. I had to make my decision before I saw your response, but it was reassuring that I hadn’t messed up! I was invited to in-person second-round interviews for two positions through that recruiter in the same week, so I let him know I was pregnant and gave him permission to share that with the hiring committees. He responded with congr…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. My vegan coworker is upset about getting non-vegan gifts three years in a row (first update) I saw some comments on the update I sent in before (about my coworker who cluelessly gave a vegan coworker three non-vegan gifts) wanted to know what Marie would get Liz for Christmas this year, haha. Liz ended up leaving the company in October for another job, so alas, no Christmas gift story, but we did have a farewell lunch for Liz and Marie gave her a book of plant-based recipes…

A reader writes: I work in an industry notorious for poor work-life balance. Our company has an unlimited PTO policy, with most people on the team taking about 15-20 days, usually no more than five straight days at a time. (So one week off per quarter, just about) I have a team member who has asked for feedback. She wants to grow and be assigned more high-profile, visible projects. The quality of her work is average to slightly above average, so there’s room for growth there. On top of this, the main thing I believe is preventing her from achieving these goals is that people perceive her to be on vacation all the time. I’d say she’ll end up taking around 30 days (six w…

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My abusive former boss is my new editor A beloved editor at my job left in July. This week, their replacement started — and it is Jane, my abusive former boss from five years ago. Needless to say, I was extremely taken aback (and grateful I was working from home). I have decided to just wait it out and document anything bad that happens should it happen (as you pointed out in another post that I read yesterday, five years is a long time and maybe they changed). Jane won’t be my boss but can assign work to me. But I don’t know how to talk to my coworkers about it when they ask about us working together before. I don’t…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss secretly arranged for me not to get paid for committee work I recently volunteered to serve on a committee at work. The group meets once a week during lunch and hosts weekend activities five times a year. Members who serve on the committee receive a stipend of $1,500 per year. Obviously this doesn’t amount to much when spaced out over a year’s paychecks, but I appreciate the nod to the extra work we do. When I got my first check after I began serving on the committee, I noticed the stipend hadn’t been added. I thought it was probably just an oversight and mentioned to my supervisor that I’d be running over to …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworkers aren’t following our return-to-office mandate My company’s return-to-office mandate is eight days a month for at least five hours each day. The tracking system, however, only records “days in office,” not hours. As a result, many coworkers come in for an hour or two, grab coffee (we have very good coffee), and leave. They don’t get flagged because the system shows compliance, even though they’re not following the written rules. My manager hasn’t addressed it, though he must know it’s happening. I’ve been following the letter of the rules, and resentment is starting to build. Upper management keeps stress…

A reader writes: You’ve recommended that interviewers consider lunch interviews in some circumstances and advised candidates with dietary restrictions to review the menu in advance and choose a known safe item. I’m hoping you can help me navigate a more difficult version of this situation. I don’t eat any food prepared by restaurants because I can’t reliably avoid getting sick unless I’ve tested the exact item multiple times at home. Even if I review the ingredients, I might identify something that will make me sick, but I can’t be confident that it won’t (unless the only ingredient is water). While nothing I eat would cause serious injury, I’m not comfortable risking …

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. Clients apologize to my boss for snapping at me I am a receptionist/admin in a two-person office. I understand fully that it is my job to be the front line dealing with clients both in person and on the phone. However, I’m baffled by this thing that has happened several times in the three years I’ve been in this job, and happened again last week most egregiously. A client will snap at me over a policy I cannot change/have zero control over. They will storm out in a huff. Then later, they will call, I’ll answer the phone, they’ll ask to speak to my boss (Jane), and then once I transfer the call, they apologize to her f…