Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I work in an industry notorious for poor work-life balance. Our company has an unlimited PTO policy, with most people on the team taking about 15-20 days, usually no more than five straight days at a time. (So one week off per quarter, just about) I have a team member who has asked for feedback. She wants to grow and be assigned more high-profile, visible projects. The quality of her work is average to slightly above average, so there’s room for growth there. On top of this, the main thing I believe is preventing her from achieving these goals is that people perceive her to be on vacation all the time. I’d say she’ll end up taking around 30 days (six w…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. A coworker lent me a book four years ago and I still haven’t returned it This feels very low-stakes, but it’s something that hovers at the back of my mind. About four years ago, a coworker and I were talking about books we were reading, and she gushed about a great one she’d just finished. The next day, she brought a copy of the book to the office and gave it to me, suggesting I should read it. Since then, I’ve moved twice, I still have the book, and I still haven’t read it. I am avoiding returning it because I’m embarrassed that I haven’t read it (I’m a big reader, but I very much read by mood, and this book is outsi…

A reader writes: I ran a catering business on the side for a while, in addition to my regular job. I don’t do it much anymore, but on occasion I do still take paid jobs, usually for past clients. It’s a way to make some extra money and I enjoy the work. Since my friends know I still do this, it’s not uncommon for them to ask me to do catering work for their own events (parties, kids’ birthdays, etc.). This would be fine except that I can tell they think they’re doing me a favor by giving me their business, and they aren’t! I have enough of the work coming in through regular channels that I’m not really looking for more work. It’s thoughtful of them to want to pay me (a…

A reader writes: I am a manager of a small team at a midsize company. Recently, one of my best performers (Jan) had a dip in morale. During Q4, we had an opening come up that would be a small promotion for her, but we were told we couldn’t fill it until the new fiscal year. She was told by me and other managers to continue performing at a high level and was given additional responsibilities to prove herself. We all felt she was a shoo-in and even told her this during her annual review. Unfortunately, the new fiscal year came around and we could not promote her. Senior management wanted to bring in an external hire. The senior manager wants to move Jan to a new team whe…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Employee keeps falling asleep in meetings I have an employee who joined the team about 10 months ago. He is a good contributor so far, but I’ve noticed he has a bad habit of drowsing off during afternoon meetings, especially ones that are within an hour after lunch. I brought it up to him once about 2-3 months after he joined the team, and told him frankly that it was unprofessional and not acceptable. He agreed and said that he would work on getting better. But in the past month I’ve noticed it happening again. He’s also a bit older (maybe early 60’s though I don’t know his exact age) — not that age changes anything, …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I’m being asked to lead DEI training with no expertise in it I’m very happy to work for a company that remains committed to DEI, even in this strange time. The direction coming down from many levels above me is that the company will be implementing DEI training for all employees. And because my colleague and I have experience conducting training, the powers-that-be have decided that we will present the DEI training, even though we have no expertise in DEI. We’ve had a chance to preview the course they want to use, and it is A LOT. Maybe this is a model DEI course? I wouldn’t know, since this is not my field! On top of…

It’s more holiday stories! Tradition dictates that as we head into the holiday season, we must revisit holiday stories previously shared by readers. Here are some favorites. 1. The rare books department I’ve changed up a couple of details from this being super recognizable, but I used to work in a rare books department in a library. People who work in rare books tend to have pretty esoteric passions that lead them there, and these were always on full display at said party. My favorite selections from over the years: – The brand new head of the department wanted to show off a bit at his first Christmas party, give a speech… and sing “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” with his 2…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Remember the letter-writer whose boss wanted her to verify that she was really exercising? Here’s the update. I appreciated the validation offered by you and your readers, and apologize I couldn’t be available when it was posted for replies. The executive director’s deadline for my “proof” was just a couple days after I reached out to you, so I had to take action before you had a chance to publish your reply. I thought about replying to the email from my executive director with the verification documents and including my ma…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. 1. My boss thinks my employee is lying about having cancer Yes, this is an update to “My boss thinks my employee is lying about having cancer.” Yes, she was. She also lied about losing her parents. She is also now lying on LinkedIn about the dates she was working for us, with her end date a few months earlier than her resignation. It turns out the absences and poor performance were bec…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. 1. My office is infested with wasps Here’s an update to the wasp infestation in my office: it is still ongoing. The wasps are still there. I forcefully invoked my rights under the law and was finally allowed to work from home until the wasps are gone, but I am under the impression that nothing particularly has been done about the infestation. I fully expect the wasps to return next year u…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. My coworker’s constant babbling is drowning me in info, and my boss won’t help So as it happened, by the time the post went up I’d left the job and the region. But not long after I sent in the letter, I sat down and laid this out to my boss pretty much exactly as I wrote in. He wasn’t blind so while he wasn’t exactly thrilled, he did get it. I was a receptionist/admin in a small public office with regular customer service and sales tasks in addition to EA and admin work, my…

A reader writes: I work in a 15-person team within a larger organization. We have a hybrid work scheme, with mandatory in-office Mondays and at least one other day on-site per week. We’re a fairly close team, and we all get along despite differences in age, life experience, etc. One of my colleagues, Emma, is a bit of a health nut. Every few months, she tries out a different diet or fad to try and make herself “skinny.” I think she’s already a healthy weight, but she’s very focused on it and on top of that she’s health-conscious and seems to enjoy reading about diet and nutrition. Emma never parades her new diets around or tries to shame anyone about what they’re eatin…

A reader writes: One piece of your advice I’ve made use of many times is to think of a person struggling in their role as “miscast.” It’s not like they’re a terrible person or failing on purpose, they’re just in the wrong role for their skills. When the conversation turns to ending their employment, I can be kinder and more compassionate, as you’ve written, even when they have frustrated me greatly throughout their time with us. But I worry I’ve gotten stuck when the reason someone is being let go for attitude. I’m thinking of a time, a while back, when I fired a person who no one could stand to work with — arrogant, smug, judgmental, and no self-awareness whatsoever of…

Here are my favorite posts of 2025, in no particular order: 1. my employee keeps insisting he looks much younger than he is (but he doesn’t) Because humans are weird, and I love that. 2. good things that came from socializing with coworkers: marriages, dog adoptions, and more Because this was heart-warming, and these things are easy to overlook. 3. how much deference do good managers want from employees? Because breaking down this kind of question is one of my favorite things. 4. my team doesn’t want to work for a client whose politics they disagree with Because a lot of people are grappling with this right now. 5. my colleagues are upset that we’re not “speaking…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day. Remember the letter-writer asked whether they’d been wrong not to interview a problematic volunteer for a paid job? Here’s the update. You and the commenters were extremely helpful. I was reassured that the decision itself was not inappropriate, but better communication would have helped a lot along the way (isn’t that always the case?). One of the first things I did was go back and re-read the personalized rejection I had sent Stephan…

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Remember the letter-writer whose boss (Ned) and she shared an office with a volatile jerk (Peter)? Here’s the update. After my letter was published, I spoke to Ned and told him I would not be assisting Peter further, which he fully supported. I started referring Peter to his adult children for assistance, which left him huffy but he stopped bothering me. He also began spending more and more time away from the office and out of state, “working” on their joint venture. As for Peter and Ned, their business relationship has end…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Bringing alcohol to the home of a recovering alcoholic My coworker is a recovering alcoholic; he doesn’t discuss it but never drinks, occasionally refers to “when I was drinking,” and once was frightened when he learned there may have been alcohol in a dessert he’d eaten (there wasn’t). His wife has generously invited to office over for dinner. She told us that “we keep a dry house” but we’re welcome to bring alcohol if we want it with our meal. This has created a debate within the office. Two want to bring alcohol, arguing that she told us (without us asking, I should add) that we could. The rest of us feel it would …

A reader writes: My job is 99% remote with some on-site event expectations. On-site events are typically mandatory, which is fine with me. I recently asked for events to be either predictable (e.g., first Friday in August) or to have lots of notice, so we can schedule vacations or things like dental cleanings around those events. During the conversation, my manager said that even when we were fully on-site, she sometimes had to move appointments if her boss scheduled a meeting. She gave the example of a short-notice 9 am meeting the next day and thus needing to move her kids’ appointments. That gave me pause. I understand rescheduling things like haircuts or some type…

A few months ago, a commenter mentioned that they work as a conflict of interest professional, and many of us wanted to hear more. She graciously agreed to do an interview about her work, and here’s our conversation. Can you start by describing what conflict of interest professionals do, overall? So, broadly, conflict of interest professionals are usually housed somewhere in a company or university’s compliance department, working closely with the rest of the teams who make sure various laws or policies are being followed. In the most general sense, what we do is to ask questions about the non-work relationships and activities of our employees that could affect the pers…

A reader writes: I’m dealing with two issues from the same event with the same employee. I am the manager for a warehouse distribution center for a larger company. For our holiday party, I handed out RSVP cards with a choice of one of three dinners for the employee and a guest a few weeks ahead of the party so we knew of a count for the meals and we could pre-pay. The dinner was at a somewhat upscale location (a country club). I was somewhat surprised when one of my employees (Kyle) showed up not only with his wife, but also a 5-6 year old child/grandchild. After the meal and while I was making a speech about how the company was doing, work anniversaries, etc., the chi…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker spends so long in the bathroom that I’m stuck with all the work Can anything realistically be done about a coworker who spends ages in the bathroom? We work in a cafeteria in four-hour shifts where there’s only one hour we serve food. It’s two people on our shift, me and Fergus. He’s in the bathroom for at least 15-20 minutes, sometimes twice a shift. He does sometimes wait until it’s slow, but sometimes he takes so long it goes into when we’re busy. Like yesterday he went at 5:25, and at 5:45 I got fed up and yelled his name. He finally came back. Lunch starts at 6 and we actually start making it at 5:30…

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I saw a question about switching back to the office after working from home, and thought I’d throw the opposite out there. My previous jobs have all been mandatory on-site, with a mix of hands-on procedures and computer-based work. Relatively soon, I’ll be moving to a position that is both 100% desk work and remote (full-time WFH is, for many reasons, not for me, so I’ll be joining a co-working space). This job is a great fit in many ways and I’m excited about it, but I’m looking for ideas of how to make 100% desk work sustainable. I’m a very active person, so I think I’m going to miss all the motion during …

A reader writes: I have the oddest situation. I have given my notice at a healthcare nonprofit (let’s call it the Wellness Alliance). I’ve been a part of Wellness since the very early days. One of the people I mentored, Katy, went into leadership, became the lead social worker, and turned people against me when our last CEO left. I recently gave notice because Katy got the leadership team to bully a young staff member out of Wellness after they asked for my help on a case, even though Katy had ignored their request, and that was the final straw for me. Katy had a sessional gig at our local college, and I recently met one of her students, Fergus. Fergus was looking for a…

A reader writes: I’m a (decently) new manager, and I’m struggling with one of my employees. They come from a freelance background but wanted stability so they applied for this job, which is a salaried role. Let’s say the hours are 9-5. We can be flexible with start times as long as it’s reasonable and we’re communicated with, but employees must work their full hours. For some reason, this employee seems to think that when their immediate work is done, it is done and they can go home. That’s not the case, and especially not so because in this line of work, work is really never done. They have many colleagues who could use a hand, and there are other things they could p…

A reader writes: I have a weird, complicated relationship with my boss, Amelia, who is part of the C-suite. We have very different working styles. We are both from the same Latin American country but both of us live and work in the U.S. Last week, she asked me to join a call with her and the CEO of our company in another country. The CEO suggested Friday but Amelia said she was taking that day off and suggested Monday instead. Monday was a holiday for both her and me, but she was traveling to a different country so she was going to be working anyway. When I pointed out that it was a holiday, she said, “Oh come on, it’s only 30 minutes.” This made me feel like my day of…