Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I’m managing a difficult employee, “Felix.” Felix has been at my company for five years now. He also happens to be the CEO’s nephew. His performance was never good, but it’s gotten steadily worse. His work frequently has mistakes, he is unreachable for large stretches of the day, and he pushes back on any feedback I give him. At one point, he yelled in my face when I pointed out a repeated problem with his work, saying that he “didn’t respect” my feedback. I’ve documented these issues extensively. I’ve talked to HR repeatedly about putting him on a PIP or even terminating him outright. They say that Felix is unhappy and actively job-searching and that …

A reader writes: I manage a team of 8-12 people at any one time in an entry-level role. Every year, we have a Christmas party at a local hotel and bar. It’s always an open bar — recipe for disaster, but the staff love it. This year, a member of my team who has a long-term partner, who she talks about regularly, spent the evening kissing a member of another team, out in the open. They were then seen going up to this person’s hotel room at the end of the night, and did not try to hide this. As her manager, I know my responsibilities and am not letting this impact the way I treat this staff member on a day-to-day basis. I have recent experience of being cheated on myself,…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Is stubble unprofessional? Is having a few days of facial stubble unprofessional? What about showering every other day? How do I know when I’m well-enough groomed? I’m a cis man who is reasonably adept at social interactions generally but struggles to pick up on unwritten norms/rules (like how often to shave). I got rid of a goatee in college and have generally shaved all my facial hair for every in-person workday since then. I also currently shower every day I go into the office, though I sometimes skip it for WFH days. I’m considering a change for three reasons: (1) I was reminded of how much of a literally bloody …

A reader writes: I’m a woman working in a male-dominated profession. I do most of the planning and organizing for company events—not by choice or job description, but because I’m told I’m such a good planner. While I’m planning something, I’m rarely offered help. However, right before the event, I’m often asked by male coworkers if they can do anything or if I need anything. “Are we all good for Thursday? Can I do anything?” Of course, it’s way too late for them to do anything, and they know that. Is this weaponized incompetence? Or what is it? Whatever it is, it’s incredibly annoying, and I’d love to come up with a comeback that shows I’m onto them. You’re focusing o…

A reader writes: For nearly five months now, I have been trying to get in touch with a contact at a partner organization about some grant money they’ve promised us, by contract. Phone calls, emails — nothing. It’s getting completely absurd. I’ve repeatedly inquired as to if there’s something we need to do to hurry this along — no reply. (But he does return contacts from other organizations so I know he is alive and at work.) This staff member is the primary liaison between his organization and ours, so we want to keep it civil. I’ve been advised to go over his head, to his boss … but she’s the executive director of his organization, and I’m very aware this could get thi…

A reader writes: I left my last job after 3.5 months despite receiving consistently high praise privately from the director (my direct manager) of my department. At a year-end all-hands meeting where the entire company of at least 70+ people attended and each department gave a status update, I did not get any public recognition in my department of four. One person was called a Salesforce “wizard” and another was praised for doing the hard work of helping set up the infrastructure. The director had only been there two months longer than me, and no one in our team worked there for longer than one year. Needless to say, this was hurtful and humiliating. In just 3.5 month…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss assigns work by pulling names out of a hat I work on a team of about 10 people. At our weekly meetings, my manager tries to assign out any new tasks. Team members usually volunteer for tasks related to their ongoing work. But when no one volunteers to take on a task, he pulls names out of a hat to see who gets assigned. These tasks aren’t always quick things; they can take a lot of time. This frustrates me so much. To me, it’s dismissive of the other work we have and just bad management. The team doesn’t really push back on it, but I’m wondering if I should. When no one volunteers to take on an assignment, I t…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Deadly Little Secrets: The Minister, His Mistress, and a Heartless Texas Murder, by Kathryn Casey. Not my usual fare, but I read a Texas Monthly article about the case and then read this in one sitting. A pastor murders his wife and nearly gets away with it — until her mom and aunts spend years pushing law enforcement to investigate him. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – February 7-8, 2026 appeared first on Ask a…

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – February 6, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker comes to work high I work in an animal care setting and overheard a coworker casually mention that they had taken an edible about an hour before the end of their shift. They said it didn’t fully hit them until the last few minutes of work, but during that time they were asked to help restrain a patient. They weren’t administering medication in this instance, but they were still performing tasks while impaired. They also mentioned that there have been a few times when they’ve come to work slightly under the influence. I know some coworkers use substances on their own time, and our workplace doesn’t test or …

A reader writes: Do you have any guidance on asking for feedback on a job application when you weren’t selected for an interview? I’m aware that I’m unlikely to get a candid answer and perhaps some of my frustration is borne out of feeling like I’m continually applying for jobs where I meet all of the criteria, and can provide examples, but not really getting anywhere. You can try, but you’re unlikely to get substantive feedback. You’re more likely to get someone willing to give you feedback after an interview because at that point they’ve talked with you one-on-one and there’s more of a connection. Even then, a lot of managers won’t give you any truly meaningful feedba…

Here are three recent success stories submitted by readers. 1. A successful raise request I wanted to share that I used your advice for asking for a raise to successfully increase my salary. I presented salary surveys from nonprofit industry groups and local job postings for similar positions that showed my old salary was low compared to current listings in my metro area. In the end, I received a 9% raise, which I feel pretty good about. It isn’t as much as I hoped, but my supervisor did acknowledge it was the most they could give me at this time and that at first the proposed raise from HR was 6%. 2. A successful salary negotiation This is not me but my Gen Z daughte…

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I work in a pretty calm office environment where I rarely deal with confrontation. Lately I’ve been wondering how people in more volatile or high-stress roles take care of themselves (e.g., law enforcement, corrections, emergency response, or even customer service and call centers). How do people who face frequent conflict or hostility at work manage their stress and protect their mental health over time? I’d love to hear from readers who’ve figured out ways to stay grounded and healthy in those environments, and also what draws them to that kind of work. Readers in high-conflict roles, please weigh in! Th…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My bullying coworkers wouldn’t let me speak at a meeting This happened many years ago, but I keep replaying it in my head and wondering what I should have done. At that time, I was working in a very small department in a small nonprofit. There were four of us in the department, three faculty (me, Marc, and Terry) and a director, Linda. We were having our weekly meeting (overkill, in my opinion) with some reps from other departments, and a couple grad students. Maybe eight people total. Linda despised me and made no bones about it, and the overall situation was extremely toxic. I’d been tolerating Linda’s abuse for ab…

A reader writes: My brother (Gen Z/millennial cusp) has been out of work (and stuck living back home with my parents) for a while now, and everyone is understandably frustrated with the situation. A couple times my mom (boomer) and I (millennial) have been one-on-one and she’s brought up the situation, and she’s said that she has told my brother to just “go show up in person to places you’d like to get a job at and try to hand in your resume!” Every single one of my millennial instincts is screaming NO NO NO, this is CLASSIC out-of-touch boomer advice from when we were trying to get jobs during the Great Recession. I told my mom that yeah, that doesn’t really work now …

A reader writes: Our company works in a building that houses multiple businesses. We share reception and security. Recently, there was a terrible incident where the ex-boyfriend of one of my employees, Sarah, got into the building by booking a job interview with a different company. He then made a beeline for our office instead, and made a huge scene shouting at Sarah, and even tried to hit her in front of all of us. Thankfully, security tackled him before he could hurt anyone, and he’s been arrested. We had a security meeting with reception and the other business managers in the building and have agreed to a shared appointment calendar and other precautions to prevent…

A reader writes: I work in healthcare IT. Recently, our organization made the decision to switch to a new Electronic Medical Record (EMR) system. I, along with dozens of colleagues, are responsible for building this new EMR to meet our organization’s needs. It’s a months-long process that involves lots of coordinated decision-making across the entire organization. The tentative go-live date for this new system is well over a year from now. Our leadership is telling the entire IT department that no PTO requests will be approved during this time. None of this has been communicated to the department en masse, but it has trickled down to managers, who then relay it to thei…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I inherited a team from a terrible manager Thanks to your help, I have a shiny new job. I’ve inherited a team where the last manager, Jane, was a true chaos agent. I’m getting stories of her ignoring staff, not communicating on projects or workload at all, putting the blame on staff to senior manager when projects didn’t happen, drinking too much at work events, inappropriate behavior. All her behavior went unchecked for some years until she was suddenly let go. The team are generally exhausted. There is some anger that they escalated complaints about Jane and nothing was done (until it was). At least one openly says …

A reader writes: My employee handbook has a policy where if you want to switch to full-time remote work, you have to give three months notice. My partner is starting grad school and we are planning on moving, so I asked my work to switch me to full-time remote in over three months. The handbook says they may not be able to accommodate this, so I was prepared for the potential “no.” However, after giving the “no,” they met with me and said that as I’m moving in three months and they would not accommodate a shift to remote, I would not be able to work at my company anymore. I continued to express my gratitude and interest in continuing remote if possible, but that I unde…

A reader writes: I work at a fairly large nonprofit (500+ employees) outside a major city. I’ve been here four years and genuinely like my job, but my compensation has become a major source of stress. I hold a director-level title, supervise 15 part time employees, and earn just enough to qualify as exempt from earning overtime pay. Since starting, I’ve taken on significant additional responsibilities. I regularly work 45-60 hours each week and am expected to be on call for emergencies for eight hours every other weekend. I know nonprofit salaries aren’t high, but I didn’t expect to be 10 years into my career and still living paycheck to paycheck. Recently, I had my ann…

A reader writes: I am not sure how to handle this situation. It has made a couple of coworkers and me uncomfortable and honestly just doesn’t make sense. Situation: A female coworker was in the bathroom. She started her period that day but didn’t have any feminine hygiene products at work. She texted me, asking if I could bring her a pad or tampon. I grabbed a pad, walked to the staff bathroom, and handed her the pad under the stall wall. Our boss somehow heard what happened and got very upset. The boss told me that was incredibly unprofessional, she would NEVER give a coworker a feminine hygiene product, and even called a meeting with five other people to discuss me g…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Should I take a job with my politician brother? My brother is running for local office as a Democrat in our very blue state. I think he has a great shot at winning, and not just saying that because he is my brother. This district has swung very blue since 24. His GOP opponents are definitely beatable. My state has no rules or guidelines on nepotism in office. So if he wins, and he probably can, I will almost certainly be offered something in his office. I will almost certainly be offered some office in his campaign, as well. Should I take it? On the one hand, it’s working for the family in a huge pressure cooker. On t…

A reader writes: I’ve read your stuff on why it’s problematic for supervisors to avoid one-on-one meetings with supervisees, but what about peer coworkers? One of my coworkers, “Ariel,” makes me uncomfortable because she tends to assume the worst possible version of what someone says or project a different version entirely. Any disagreement with her, even about the most abstract issues phrased delicately and professionally, is taken personally. She also tends to assume (and share verbally) that the only motives anyone could have for even a slightly different opinion from hers is bigotry or unintelligence. Part of this seems to stem from her having preemptively decided …

A reader writes: A colleague and I were recently interviewing candidates for an entry-level position and, at the beginning of one of the interviews, the candidate asked if they could disclose something before we got started, then said that they were on the autism spectrum. My colleague jumped in and explained that while they appreciated the candidate’s desire for transparency, we shouldn’t know that up-front because legally we cannot deny employment to someone on the basis of any kind of medical diagnosis, and including that information during an interview makes everything much more complicated. My colleague and I debriefed after the interview, and we ultimately decided…

A reader writes: I was called in to a last-minute end-of-day meeting yesterday … that ended up being with my boss, his boss, and HR. They told me that I’ve been accused of making sexist and ageist comments at work, and I’m baffled. I’ve been wracking my brain and can’t figure out what they could be referring to, AND THEY REFUSE TO TELL ME. They won’t even give me a hint. They basically said, “Think about what it might have been and don’t do it again or your job is at risk.” I don’t know whether it was one complaint or many, or even if it’s true at all (there is one person at work I think might be trying to get me fired.) How do I defend and/or protect myself? Or, if it’…