Performance Tracking and Feedback

Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. A medical tech repeatedly proselytized to me I had an appointment with my doctor this morning and told him that one of the techs had made me uncomfortable by repeatedly discussing her religious beliefs with me even after I directly asked that she not. I used the phrasing a couple of commenters suggested — that she essentially was telling me that if I accepted Jesus into my life, my mental health would improve. My doctor thanked me for telling him, apologized for my experience, and said that he would make sure that this behavior would not happen again with me or other patients. Interestingly, he did not ask me which tec…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker makes a big deal of my mistakes I have a colleague who, when she sees I’ve made a mistake, makes a big deal out of it and apparently wants me to as well. Our dialogues go something like this: Her: Suzy, you forgot to email X about Y. Me: Okay. Her (in a “no, seriously” tone of voice): You forgot to email X about Y. Me: Okay. Her (in an “I don’t think you get it” tone): Y. You forgot to email X about it. Me: Okay. Her (laughs in a “whatever, psycho” sort of way): Okay, then, Suzy. Wow. I’m not sure what reaction she wants me to give her. Hysteria? She then goes to my boss and points out that I forgot…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. We have one bathroom key for 18 women My workplace is moving offices next week, and our bathroom situation is changing dramatically. We’re going from five unlocked unisex bathrooms to two gendered restrooms of two cubicles each, shared with other tenants of the floor. Those bathrooms will be locked, and for our entire 25 person staff, there is one key for each gender. (I am given to understand the matter of additional keys would cost management extra, and they are … skinflints.) The trouble comes in a couple factors. One, my office is predominantly female, so we’re going to have a lot more demand for our key than the …

Remember the letter from the person whose soda consumption was being monitored and judged by the office admin? Here’s the update. I had many months of peace, in part due to my boss telling the admin to lay off and in part because I was fully remote for a couple of months due to some family stuff. The dirty looks when I went to the kitchen continued when I got back but whatever, I can deal. And then yesterday happened. I go to the office, get three cans of soda to bring back to my desk (to avoid the scrutiny of three separate kitchen visits). I drink one, then place two in my desk drawer. I go to an in-person meeting, during which I see the admin scan the room to see wh…

Last month we talked about bosses and offices with weirdly outdated expectations from a far-off era. Here are 12 of my favorite stories you shared. 1. The host A former boss had very strong ideas about technology. Pre-pandemic, some employees had access to Zoom and used it occasionally for in-house meetings. Obviously, in 2020 we had to pivot to using Zoom for every meeting. My boss insisted that he be the “host” and the only “host” of Zoom meetings. He said it was important for people to know that he was host, in the sense that he was convening the meeting and responsible for the meeting outcomes. He could not be convinced that in a Zoom context, most of the hosting …

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Manager uses employees’ photos for AI-generated images Recently, my partner’s boss fed employees’ headshots (from LinkedIn) into an AI model to generate “personas” of them (for example, an IT specialist might be the “Tech Wizard” and the AI image would be their face on a character dressed in wizard robes) and then hung them on their desks. She did this without their knowledge, much less their consent. My partner felt their privacy was violated and is unhappy about it. However, they didn’t approach their boss because they thought she would get upset, and they didn’t want to manage her emotions or be accused of not bein…

We often hear about work events that didn’t go quite as hoped: the conference that served vegetarians a single leaf of lettuce for lunch, the event where a speaker who went way over time caused half the attendees to get food poisoning, the conference that didn’t think through the problems with giving every attendee an identical laptop bag, the escape room where none of the managers could find their way out (maybe that one’s not so bad), and on and on. Let’s turn the tables and hear from people who plan events or work at them. Tell us what’s gone wrong you’ve been the one behind the scenes at events — or how you saw someone save the day and prevent disaster. The post wor…

A reader writes: I have a newish direct report. He’s generally pretty good and is always supportive and encouraging towards his team, which is great. He’s also always encouraging and supportive towards people more senior to him, including me, which is getting less great. I hear a lot of, “Excellent spot!” when I point out a mistake. Or, “That’s a really good idea, [MyName]” or “‘that’s a great suggestion, thank you,” in an encouraging tone of voice, or “that’s a really good point” when actually it is not a particularly good point and all I said was X is unclear and he needs to rewrite it. Yes, I did make a good suggestion! It is my job as manager to make good suggestio…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Is it OK to compliment coworkers’ nails or haircuts? I believe that comments on people’s bodies are totally inappropriate at work, and in life in general. But if someone has changed their hair or has some cute nails (I myself do not do these cute things but notice them), is commenting on them in the same category as body stuff? Technically it is part of their body, but it doesn’t seem as bad to be “oh the magenta highlights are cool” or whatever. Should I stop commenting on haircuts and nail design? One school of thought is that it’s fine to comment on things that are obviously a deliberate choice — like a shirt or a …

A reader writes: I have a new employee, Joe, who has been with me about six months. The headline is that he’s pretty terrible. He lacks knowledge, his work is slow and often wrong, he lacks attention to detail, shows no sense of urgency, ownership or understanding of priority, and requires constant hand-holding to even get close to completing tasks. There’s a lot to unpack about him but the short story is: I made a big hiring mistake and I know separately that I need to address it. This letter isn’t quite about that though. Recently, a distant relative of Joe’s wife’s passed away. That’s sad. He was sending me constant (and unnecessary) updates about it. We have a super…

A reader writes: My workplace occasionally recognizes staff birthdays, but isn’t consistent. Sometimes there’s cake, sometimes bagels, sometimes nothing, and it’s often a last-minute announcement which can be frustrating to people who already have food planned out for the day. Someone brought up the idea of bringing back a past practice: the monthly celebration of all January (for example) birthdays in one go. This could allow for consistent “observance” of birthdays, planning ahead on whether you bring a lunch, and less worrying about the impact on the budget. I know not everyone feels the same way about their birthday so I turned to AAM for insights on how to start s…

A reader writes: I’m a manager of a four-person team, on which I was previously an individual contributor. The four team members work in cubes in an open office area and my office is down a nearby hall. We’re a casual office, and the team generally gets along well. While each person has their own accounts and tasks, they interact with each other throughout the day, chatting and discussing work. The issue is two members of the team, Peach and Daisy. Peach is very open with her mental health struggles and is an open book on most anything but can be emotionally volatile. Daisy, who sits next to Peach, tells me that Peach is constantly on an emotional rollercoaster. She say…

A reader writes: I was hired about six months ago at a prestigious organization in my field. My coworker, Fred, started at the same time in a similar position. We work closely and we get along well, for the most part. I consider him something of a friend — or, at least, I felt that way until recently. We have been working together on a big report that needs to get done in the next few months. Last week, I had been working on other projects and logged back our the shared file to begin work again. We were sitting together and as I was logging in, he said (unprompted) that he had been hard at work on the report and updated and added information to a key section. I noticed …

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. I think my remote employee is doing child care when she should be working I have an employee (we are all remote) who just returned to work from maternity leave. It’s been almost two months and I have noticed a couple of troubling patterns. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but two other team members mentioned these same concerns to me. 1. She always has her camera turned off. This is not an issue for most meetings but, during our monthly all-team meetings, I have asked everyone to turn their cameras on. She has not turned hers on for either meeting since her return. 2. She is always on mute and, when…

Years ago I used to do lots of list-type posts (10 things you should know about work by the time you’re 30, 8 signs you’re a bad boss, etc). I came across this one from 2017 and thought it was worth resurrecting. If you’re like a lot of people, you might get anxious when you have to talk to your boss – or you might leave the conversation feeling unsure of what kind of impression you made. Or maybe you’ve just noticed that your relationship with your manager could be smoother. Whatever the case, the following seven phrases will help you get what you need from your boss, communicate better, and keep yourself in good standing. 1. “We can do X or Y. I propose Y because…” T…

A reader writes: I’m looking for some serious help navigating an issue. An employee at my company is likely to be transferred to my team. This person was arrested last year for soliciting a minor for sex. They are related to the CEO of the company and were bailed out. They will stand trial sometime in the near future. If anyone else were facing these charges, they would have been let go. This person has not and now I may have to deal with them on my team. I think the company’s stance is “innocent until proven guilty,” which I sort of get, but he was caught in a police sting where he was having explicit conversations with an officer posing as a teenager so public percept…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Why do people feel so passionate about physically handing out their resume? Why do people get so defensive over the concept of physically handing out resumes? I was at my off-season part-time retail job, and a young man came in with a stack of resumes; it was obvious that his mom was sitting out front in the truck, driving him around to all of the businesses in the plaza. After I had directed him to apply online, where, like any other company in 2026, we do all of our hiring, I said to my coworker, “I really wish people wouldn’t do that. Like, just tell me you’re out of touch.” She said, “Do what?” I replied, “Driv…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: The End of Romance, by Lily Meyer. After an abusive marriage, a grad student vows to avoid romance, then promptly meets two men who challenge that resolve. I struggled with whether to recommend this because by the last 20% of the book, I was supremely frustrated by the protagonist’s choices, but I really liked the first 80%. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – March 14-15, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. Vie…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Coworker sends emails with deadlines, then asks everyone to answer immediately I work in an office and I have a coworker who is one of the few on the admin team with me. We’re peers; neither of us manages the other. She has a habit that I find frustrating: she will send out an email giving instructions and a deadline, then start following up immediately. As just the latest example, today, it was wanting to know shirt sizes so she can buy company merch for employees and attendees of an event we’re having if they’re bringing family members or significant others. She put in the email that that we should send an answer by…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My male coworker takes his family everywhere, and it makes him late for work events I am a woman in STEM and have a coworker, Fergus, who has a stay-at-home-wife and a toddler. They currently live out-of-state with his in-laws, and when he travels — whether it’s to a conference, work event, or just an in-office event — he always brings his wife and kid. This leads him to often not arriving to these events that start at 8 or 9 am until 11 or 12 because he went to brunch with the fam. My (male) boss finds it endearing, despite it often leaving the rest of us idle for hours waiting on him and often seems to overlook wome…

I was told to stay off screens for a few days last week due to a possible concussion (I’m fine), so today and tomorrow will include some posts from the archives. This was originally published in 2015. A reader writes: I took employment at a nonprofit as an economic researcher about seven months ago. Overall, I love my job and what I get to do and helping people, but there is one major issue: My boss, who is the founder and head of the organization, thinks he is a mayan shaman. I am not joking. He spends crazy amounts of money (sometimes company money) to fund his “spiritual projects” and recently has been telling me to do ludicrous projects like comparing chakra colors…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. I’m worried a former coworker is an alcoholic I used to work as a heavy-duty mechanic before going back to school. I met my partner at this job and I stayed in contact with a colleague (Carl) who recently turned 40. Because Carl’s original plans for his birthday fell through, some colleagues organized a get-together instead (we ended up being eight people total). One of the organizers, Parker, is a satellite worker (90 minutes away), but he’s friends with Carl and they see each other outside of work, have shared friends, etc. I didn’t have much contact with Parker while I was still working there and none since I left, …

I was told to stay off screens for a few days last week due to a possible concussion (I’m fine), so this was originally published in 2012. A reader writes: What is considered excessive when it comes to friendly displays of affection in the workplace? We have a gregarious female employee who regularly solicits hugs from people — not from other employees but from outside frequent visitors and volunteers who come into the office. One part of this employee’s job is to greet people when they come in through our front entrance to the building. We’re a small nonprofit organization, open to the public. She’s not exactly a receptionist, but she is usually the closest to the fr…

I was told to stay off screens for a few days last week due to a possible concussion (I’m fine), so this was originally published in 2020. A reader writes: Recently, a coworker and I were assigned to go on a business trip for a work conference. It was held at a convention center in a different part of the state about two and a half hours away. We’d be taking a company car, and the drive there during rush hour can be horrendous. My manager and I agreed it would be best to leave early in the morning to beat most of the traffic. My coworker and I were supposed to meet at our office and leave at 5:30 am. 5:45 rolled around and my coworker still wasn’t at the office. I trie…

A reader writes: Recently my manager asked me to help revise a job posting and the hiring process because the last two people we hired left only a few weeks after starting. One said she didn’t think our workplace had a professional environment, and the other said she realized her values didn’t align with the company. Since I’m the most recent successful hire, my manager wants me to help her understand what was different about how I was selected. You’re probably assuming my workplace must be toxic or terrible, but honestly it’s the most fun place I’ve ever worked, and that might actually be the problem. Nothing about it fits the usual idea of a bad workplace, but it is d…