Performance Tracking and Feedback

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. Here are four updates from past letter-writers. 1. Retired coworker keeps coming back to gossip (#3 at the link) Unfortunately, the retired coworker is someone who will take offense at any direct request to be left alone to do work. He would go up and down the hallway talking loudly to other people about how “So-and-So told me to get lost!!!!” and cause even more of a ruckus. My supervisor is often not there to see what is happening, and was not effective in dealing with him before he retired. (Example: He told our supervisor, “I don’t attend meetings because that’s what works for me,” and she let hi…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. the “terrified of humans” pair … curled up in my lap This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Piglet, by Lottie Hazell. After her fiance confesses a betrayal two weeks before their wedding, a woman becomes inexplicably ravenous. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. View the full article

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: This is not a current issue, but it’s something that has been eating at me for a long time. I’m trying to figure out if I unwittingly helped someone embezzle money. I believe the statute of limitations has passed for this (potential) crime in the state that it took place in. It has been 15+ years now. My mother has always been a little shady with business her practices. I do not believe she has any qualms about “bending” the law. She is also very charismatic and I suspect would be quite an effective cult leader (i.e., good at talking people into things, frequently nefarious). I’m onl…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. View the full article

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: This letter involves a very sensitive topic and some backstory, so bear with me. Would you consider it weird if a coworker brought along an unrelated college-aged girl to a work party where you could invite family? I ask because I was​ that college girl. When I was 19, I was a sexually frustrated lesbian with then-undiagnosed autism. Despite being at an LGBT-friendly university, I had no sex life and didn’t know how to approach women without coming across as some sort of creep. Every LGBT-related extracurricular I was in was centered on networking, political activism, or community, …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Can I use a wedding photo — with a veil — as my work avatar? My company is fully remote, so they really encourage us to upload a headshot to our company chat service so people can put a face to the name. Would it look out of touch or immature to use a photo from my wedding? It’s probably the best I’ll ever look in any photo because of the professional hair and makeup and because it was taken by a professional photographer. But because of the veil, it’s very obviously a wedding photo. (I’d choose a shot without my husband in it.) I think some of my…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. View the full article

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: My husband is a blue collar worker, and he’s very experienced in his field. A little less than a year ago, he decided to switch jobs. He went from doing residential work in people’s homes to commercial work on big buildings. He had over two decades of experience doing the residential side of things, but very little commercial experience. So, in some ways it was like starting over again and having to train from the ground up. At the time, he had two competing job offers: one with a residential company that was offering a slightly lower base pay, but more potential bonuses and benefits…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: My office is next to a person who swears a lot during the work day. I assume it’s frustration with his computer, but a least a couple times an hour I’ll hear an onslaught of expletives coming from his desk. It’s pretty disconcerting to hear and it’s also really distracting. Otherwise, he’s a great person to work with but I’m not sure how to approach this. What should I do? I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can re…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Perfume and Pain, by Anna Dorn. A cancelled writer searches for inspiration and develops a surprising relationship with her new neighbor. Funny and smart. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. View the full article

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. How to work with a jerk who raises his voice, when “that’s just how he is” I work with Fergus, a senior engineer who has a reputation for being “crotchety,” a term I am starting to push back on because it seems to explain away his unprofessional behavior as a personality quirk or something to be expected because of his age. I’m trying to figure out exactly where to draw the line in order for me and my team to consistently push back against his behavior. On our last call, Fergus joined the zoom and immediately declared his team was not involved in th…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. View the full article

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: Recently, my company hired someone who was extremely racist. He worked with me on his first day, where he dropped an awful racial slur six times. I was shocked so did a little social media sleuthing and found his horrifying Twitter page full of xenophobic and racist tweets and posts. We fired him. However, after speaking to a friend who is in HR, she said we couldn’t simply fire him for being racist. Now, obviously our lawyer and HR rep disagreed with that because he was fired. But what say you? Are racist posts and hate speech enough to fire someone? She seems to think we should hav…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. Remember the letter-writer whose doctor’s office constantly left them on hold while they needed to be working? Here’s the update. I wrote in a few months ago about struggling to schedule doctor’s appointments when I worked at a busy reception desk. Thanks very much to both you and the kind commenters who offered sympathy and suggestions. It was nice to receive confirmation that there wasn’t some easy solution I was missing, and I appreciated the suggestions to use an earpiece from other people who’d done front desk work. I also saw a few suggestions that my question wasn’t really a work question, whi…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. How do I manage a “regular” job with a parallel career as a musician? I asked about career advice for musicians a long time ago, and I’ve waited a long time to have an update I felt like sending. Unfortunately, the last few years have just been really, really bad. Things started to go sideways not long after I wrote to you. The program I was in was a really bad fit for me, and I ended up dropping out long before the end of it. There were other bad things too – I won’t go into it all because it would be pretty identifiable. One major theme of the pa…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. A reader writes: I own a business and recently I’ve had an issue with one of my employees. She will go all day without eating (because of what looks like poor planning) and then get very irritable with everyone and complains about being hungry. I’ll offer to order her something or offer her the granola bars we have in the break room, but she brushes me off. I think she thinks I’m being an annoying mom type but really I just don’t want to deal with her hangry attitude because it affects the entire office when she gets like that. Any tips? I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today,…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. How do I give 360 feedback to my clueless coworker? I have been asked to complete a 360 review for the junior staffer on my team. In general, I would like to only be positive in these, as that’s what I want in return! And I have never expressed these feelings to this coworker. But he is like a little baby in the outfit of a 26-year-old man. He doesn’t have the general sense at work you’d like someone four years into their career to have — as an example, he scheduled our boss to meet with board members, assigning them a meeting time without asking t…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My company’s head of DEI outed me to 800 people I’m a nonbinary trans person working in sales for a multinational company. I’m out-ish at work. I’ve told my direct team I’m nonbinary, I have they/them pronouns in my email signature, and I wear a mixed wardrobe. I’ve not told anyone I’m trans directly, but I wouldn’t deny it if it came up. That said, the industry is conservative. Most colleagues assume I’m a man regardless of what I wear and everyone still get my pronouns wrong, even those who’ve asked. I mention this to say that I’m open but cautiou…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker masturbates in the men’s bathroom There is a guy in my office who will go into one of the stalls in the men’s bathroom for 20-30 minutes at a time. I have had the bad luck of entering a stall next to him and hearing audible masturbation noises. I think he does this every day we work in-office because I swear it’s happened 5-6 times. A coworker I’m close with has confirmed hearing it as well, so I know I am not going crazy. I have also seen this guy come out of the bathroom with headphones on, looking at something on his phone, so after r…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Should you get fired for (even really bad) behavior at a football game? I’m a big football fan and a feminist and civil liberties advocate. So I am really struggling with the question of a fan at the Eagles-Green Bay Wild Card game. He is on someone’s cell phone video (which of course was posted on social media) yelling misogynistic insults at a woman from the opposing fan base. The team banned him from coming to future games, a sanction I support (this was beyond the usual jawboning at high-stakes games). But people online also tracked down where …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. Just sharing this tweet from Washington Post reporter Jeff Stein for federal government workers about Elon Musk’s “deferred resignation” offer. (Don’t take it! It’s still a trap.) Also, if you remember the letter-writer who worked at Twitter when Elon Musk took over, that same person has sent in this note: I just wanted to thank you for posting about what federal workers who are currently under attack can do. The former Twitter employees I know have all spent the past couple of weeks reliving the Twitter takeover from 2 years ago but on a much more widespread and terrible scale. I want to say this i…

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. How do I balance work and socializing at hybrid team meetings? I (a young-looking woman) lead a team of about 15, composed of 3-4 smaller sub-teams that collaborate on various parts of the project. About half the team work remotely; a quarter at Site A, including my deputy and me; and a quarter at Site B. Team members range from junior to mid-career, heavy on junior. We have at least one meeting per project topic area per week for tracking progress and working through more complex issues together. I have a hard time closing down the first “social” …

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager. Ever realized you haven’t seen a particular coworker in weeks, asked around, and discovered they left the company a month ago and no one bothered to tell anyone? If you’ve worked for reasonably functional companies, hopefully the answer is “no.” But, whether through incompetence or design, a startling number of employers don’t announce it when employees depart — leaving their colleagues to piece it together themselves after their emails go unanswered for weeks. At Slate today, I wrote about this bizarre and inefficient phenomenon. You can read it here. View the full article