Performance Tracking and Feedback

A reader writes: I am not sure how to handle this situation. It has made a couple of coworkers and me uncomfortable and honestly just doesn’t make sense. Situation: A female coworker was in the bathroom. She started her period that day but didn’t have any feminine hygiene products at work. She texted me, asking if I could bring her a pad or tampon. I grabbed a pad, walked to the staff bathroom, and handed her the pad under the stall wall. Our boss somehow heard what happened and got very upset. The boss told me that was incredibly unprofessional, she would NEVER give a coworker a feminine hygiene product, and even called a meeting with five other people to discuss me g…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Should I take a job with my politician brother? My brother is running for local office as a Democrat in our very blue state. I think he has a great shot at winning, and not just saying that because he is my brother. This district has swung very blue since 24. His GOP opponents are definitely beatable. My state has no rules or guidelines on nepotism in office. So if he wins, and he probably can, I will almost certainly be offered something in his office. I will almost certainly be offered some office in his campaign, as well. Should I take it? On the one hand, it’s working for the family in a huge pressure cooker. On t…

A reader writes: I’ve read your stuff on why it’s problematic for supervisors to avoid one-on-one meetings with supervisees, but what about peer coworkers? One of my coworkers, “Ariel,” makes me uncomfortable because she tends to assume the worst possible version of what someone says or project a different version entirely. Any disagreement with her, even about the most abstract issues phrased delicately and professionally, is taken personally. She also tends to assume (and share verbally) that the only motives anyone could have for even a slightly different opinion from hers is bigotry or unintelligence. Part of this seems to stem from her having preemptively decided …

A reader writes: A colleague and I were recently interviewing candidates for an entry-level position and, at the beginning of one of the interviews, the candidate asked if they could disclose something before we got started, then said that they were on the autism spectrum. My colleague jumped in and explained that while they appreciated the candidate’s desire for transparency, we shouldn’t know that up-front because legally we cannot deny employment to someone on the basis of any kind of medical diagnosis, and including that information during an interview makes everything much more complicated. My colleague and I debriefed after the interview, and we ultimately decided…

A reader writes: I was called in to a last-minute end-of-day meeting yesterday … that ended up being with my boss, his boss, and HR. They told me that I’ve been accused of making sexist and ageist comments at work, and I’m baffled. I’ve been wracking my brain and can’t figure out what they could be referring to, AND THEY REFUSE TO TELL ME. They won’t even give me a hint. They basically said, “Think about what it might have been and don’t do it again or your job is at risk.” I don’t know whether it was one complaint or many, or even if it’s true at all (there is one person at work I think might be trying to get me fired.) How do I defend and/or protect myself? Or, if it’…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. The wife of my husband’s employee called me to complain about a work trip The wife of one of my husband’s employees called me to complain about a one-night trip he’s taking for a meeting with a client. This employee doesn’t work overtime and has only been out of town three times since working for us in the last nine years. We started my husband’s architecture company 20 years ago and have built it from the ground up to nine employees. The employee has been with the company for nine years and in that time has only been away from his family due to work three times. We live in a very small town, and they attend our chur…

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. Here are the rules for the weekend posts. Book recommendation of the week: Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen’s satire of Gothic novels, which follows the naive Catherine Morland as she navigates society and romance. I hadn’t read this since my teens and, upon re-reading it recently, I discovered I had misremembered it as far more Gothic than it actually is, so it was like discovering an entirely new Austen novel. (Amazon, Bookshop) * I earn a commission if you use those links. The post weekend open thread – January 31 – February 1, 2026 appeared fir…

It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers. * If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer. The post open thread – January 30, 2026 appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go… 1. I cried at work and my coworkers won’t stop asking if I’m okay I work in a small office where there are some strong personalities and, though our manager is very nice and reasonable, there’s only so much you can do about people like that. Yesterday, two of my coworkers (Mary and John) and I ended up having to do mediation with our manager over the pettiest shit imaginable. It’s so petty I can summarize the whole thing in one sentence: John walked in while Mary and I were prepping for a workshop, put a form whose processing is not my job on my desk, and when I asked him why he was giving it to me, snatched it back and …

A reader writes: I’m a (decently) new manager, and I’m struggling with one of my employees. They come from a freelance background but wanted stability so they applied for this job, which is a salaried role. Let’s say the hours are 9-5. We can be flexible with start times as long as it’s reasonable and we’re communicated with, but employees must work their full hours. For some reason, this employee seems to think that when their immediate work is done, it is done and they can go home. That’s not the case, and especially not so because in this line of work, work is really never done. They have many colleagues who could use a hand, and there are other things they could p…

Remember the letter-writer who asked if they had crossed a line with the (messy, chaotic) organization they volunteered for? Here’s the update. I’m the person who was angry about an Instagram post from the nonprofit that I was volunteering at. Duncan and Isadora did leave the board, although they still volunteered on a lower level. You mentioned that the nonprofit might not have great results towards its mission, and the truth is that the results are mixed. The organization’s goals are met, for the most part, but not without the great over-efforts of five or six people, myself included (which had earned me the nickname “Superstar” within the org). Things came to a head …

It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: Would you consider an Ask the Readers on what people wish they’d known when they first became managers? I’ve just stepped into my first leadership role, moving from being a highly regarded individual contributor (who task managed teams for different projects) to actually managing a small department and wow, it’s a much bigger shift than I expected. I’d love to hear what helped others get over that hump, what made things easier, what surprised them, and what they wish they’d known earlier. Bonus points for advice on: • Managing people who’ve been on the team for years but weren’t hired for this role despite…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. The etiquette of “participation noises” in meetings I was very recently diagnosed as neurodivergent, and exploring my actions through that lens has thrown up some questions for me about whether I am missing a few cues. I work for a grant-making foundation as the grants and funding manager,, and my role partially involves traveling around our state visiting our grant applicants and grantee partners. My state is very rural and very low in the national education rankings, and most of these meetings aren’t exactly adhering to corporate norms. One of the things that often happens is what I could term “audience participation…

Earlier this month, we talked about times when coworkers have really overshared at work, and here are 10 of the most ridiculous stories you shared. 1. The wireless mike At a local stage production, while the audience sat quietly in the darkened theater awaiting the start of the show, a graphic description of the previous night’s one-night stand, including groans of subsequent aches and chafing, clearly came out over the leading lady’s wireless microphone clipped to her costume as she relieved herself on the toilet. 2. The skit I used to be a teacher at a prison — very odd population of people, a mix of mercenaries, martyrs, and misfits. For a statewide conference, the…

A reader writes: Although I have managed project teams for many years, I have only started supervising staff directly in the last few years and am about to begin managing my first fully remote employee. Any advice on managing a fully remote employee? I’m fine with task management for project teams in different locations, but being someone’s supervisor also includes supporting their professional growth, making sure we as the employer are meeting their needs, addressing problems that may arise, and assigning work to meet chargeability goals. I also want to make sure that this employee stays happy, especially as she grows professionally. And my reports and I are known as a…

A reader writes: I’m writing in about a situation a friend is in. He was at the annual convention for his employer organization when he was called into a meeting with his boss and his boss’s boss. They informed him that he was under investigation and they couldn’t tell him anything more, but that he was to leave the convention immediately as they’d canceled his hotel room. (I should note that the convention was an hour’s drive from his home, so it’s not like he had to reschedule flights or anything.) The day after the convention, they sent him an email informing him that he was terminated. The reason for his termination? They had discovered he had applied for another jo…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My boss says three female employees having dinner together would be discrimination I recently organized a dinner with two of my closest colleagues/friends. It was planned outside of work hours and paid for personally. The dinner grew to include the three other women employees. When my supervisor found out, he said it was gender discrimination because none of the 15 male employees were invited. Without naming names, he made a public announcement about it at our next department meeting. Is it gender discrimination if women coworkers want to have dinner together in their own social time? Aren’t women a protected legal cl…

A reader writes: I have the oddest situation. I have given my notice at a healthcare nonprofit (let’s call it the Wellness Alliance). I’ve been a part of Wellness since the very early days. One of the people I mentored, Katy, went into leadership, became the lead social worker, and turned people against me when our last CEO left. I recently gave notice because Katy got the leadership team to bully a young staff member out of Wellness after they asked for my help on a case, even though Katy had ignored their request, and that was the final straw for me. Katy had a sessional gig at our local college, and I recently met one of her students, Fergus. Fergus was looking for a…

A reader writes: I’m a newish manager, and I have one direct report. My new employee, “Susan,” quit this week. Her old employer had reached out to her and made her a dream offer. I spent five months training Susan. She had learned a lot and was starting to work well independently. The thought of starting over training a new employee is exhausting and depressing, and I feel completely defeated. Susan isn’t the whole story. Before Susan, my employee was Joe. Joe worked for me for three months before his serious mental health issues became apparent. His anxiety and depression made it impossible for him to come to work on many days, and he told me that the job was too stres…

Some letters from Minneapolis: For the past several weeks, the Twin Cities, and the state of Minnesota overall, has been under siege by federal agents. My friends and coworkers are scared to leave their homes. Every day we see and hear about another innocent person being harassed, detained, and spirited away by plane and kept from their family, friends, pets, and lawyers. Neighbors exercising their constitutional rights are gassed and beaten. Victims emerge from detention centers with horrifying accounts. My friend was on the scene when Renee Good was murdered. In some of the coldest weather of my life, we stood outside for hours screaming for ICE to leave. People are no…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Does this new job really involve this much travel? I am considering leaving my in-office job to take a remote job working from home that has a 25% travel requirement. I’m currently interviewing with the company and asked if 25% was accurate or a worst case scenario. The response was one or two international trips a year for two to three weeks! And occasional Monday-Thursday trips throughout the year, possibly as often as monthly. As a mom of two elementary-age kids, being gone for extended periods of time is not something I want to do, nor is it fair for my husband to have to be a single parent for three-week stretche…

A reader writes: I’m a 20-year-old woman working at a locally owned company. I joined when I was 19 and currently hold the role of marketing director. I am the youngest person in the office by a wide margin; most of my coworkers are in their 60s or older and have been with the company for several years. I take my work seriously. I have a relevant degree, prior experience (I graduated college early at 18 and started working in marketing jobs while still studying) and a strong work ethic. In the day-to-day office environment, I’m quieter and focused, but still friendly, professional, and social when appropriate. I don’t engage in office gossip, especially when it involves…

Although we’ve been told that AI is poised to “revolutionize” work, at the moment it seems to be doing something else entirely: spreading chaos. At Slate today, I wrote about how, throughout American offices, AI platforms like ChatGPT are delivering answers that sound right even when they aren’t, transcription tools that turn meetings into works of fiction, and documents that look polished on the surface but are riddled with factual errors and missing nuance. You can read it here. The post AI is creating chaos at work appeared first on Ask a Manager. View the full article

A reader writes: I hold a leadership role and report to the co-founders of a small company, which has both an office hub and a remote workforce. The co-founders work in the office, and my team and I work remotely. Lately, a fitness tracking device that also monitors sleep and stress levels became popular in the office. It seems like nearly everyone in the office got one, and they started a global group that compares performance and it became a friendly competition. My boss, one of the co-founders, asked me to buy one so I can be part of the competition. When I refused to pay $240 for something I didn’t intend on buying, they offered to pay for it. I feel pressured to s…

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. Is it reasonable to ask teams to “host” coffee hours? My new-ish boss implemented division-wide monthly coffee hours when he started a couple years ago, and it’s been a nice way to get out of your office and talk to others (our division is spread out on a college campus). Due to cost-cutting measures, he is no longer able to spend the small amount of money for these events. Instead, we are asking teams within the division to “host” coffee hours by bringing food in. The administrative assistant is able to help brew coffee, set up, and clean up. This does not seem unreasonable to me, and I signed my team up to host, imag…