how to say “that’s not OK” at work

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

Is there a professionally acceptable way to push back when someone apologizes for causing problems at work?

For example, this morning, my colleague slept through a meeting we had scheduled. Since I’m on the west coast (we’re a remote team), this meeting required me to wake up at 5 am. She messaged me two hours later saying, “Whoops, I totally spaced on this meeting. Sorry!” My normal response would be to say something like, “It’s okay! When can we reschedule?” But … it’s not okay! Not just because I woke up early, but because I was unprepared for my next meeting as a result.

This has happened in other situations, with both people more senior and more junior than me, and I never know how to respond when someone apologizes for something that caused real inconvenience (particularly when that apology seems insincere/like they don’t understand the harm done). Is there a response other than “it’s okay!” to an apology?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

View the full article