well-intentioned coworker keeps commenting on my phone calls, accept a demotion or be fired, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My well-intentioned coworker keeps commenting on my phone calls

I sit in a bank of cubicles with a young colleague in his first ever job. He’s very sweet and well-intentioned, but his efforts at making conversation are making me a little uncomfortable. For context, I am about two levels above him in our hierarchy, but he’s in a completely different business group and our work has no overlap whatsoever. I do not know anyone else on his team — we sit in an “miscellaneous overflow” section of the office (which is not ideal, but not currently changeable).

Every day, he comments on how many meetings I have and what my schedule looks like. He’ll say things like:
–“You haven’t had many calls today! That’s unusual!”
–“You’ve had a busy day. What was that, four calls? Five?”
–“Sounds like you’ve had a lot of surprise calls today. How many of your calls were scheduled?”
–“Two calls already this morning! I’m guessing you’ll end up with five or six today.”

I genuinely think he’s just somewhat awkwardly trying to make conversation, but it’s exhausting to have my schedule scrutinized every day. He’s even commented on the contents of my calls a few times.

I’d love a kind but firm script to explain to him that sometimes in an open office, the polite thing to do is to pretend you can’t hear what’s going on around you. I’d love to not take these calls out in the open, but that’s not an option for me. Please help me put a stop to these comments!

Aw, yeah, he’s trying to connect and not realizing this isn’t the way to do it.

Try this: “I know you’re being friendly, but I’d prefer not to have my calls commented on this way. It’s easier in an open office if we maintain the illusion that we have some privacy, despite being in a fishbowl. Thanks for understanding.”

If you think he’s a nice guy and you want to reinforce that it’s not personal and you don’t hold it against him as long as he stops, look for a few opportunities to interact with him warmly about something more appropriate afterwards (which could even just be a warm “good morning” or “have a good weekend” or similar).

2. Asking an employee to accept a demotion or be fired

We have an employee who has been with our company for about 18 months. While he is a great person and always willing to help out anyone, he is not good at hisr job and frequently makes the same mistakes over and over again. We have tried everything, but you can’t teach somebody to have greater attention to detail and he doesn’t appear to get the seriousness of the issues when the mistakes are pointed out to him.

I’m a manager in the company but not his manager. We are an extremely small office, and the company owners leave it up to myself and one other staff member to hire the support staff (of which he is one). They are tired of the errors because they are costly and want to let him go, but they are willing to leave it up to us as to how to manage the situation. We would rather move him into another position that is currently open. We know he would be really good at it as he has demonstrated his ability to do some duties of this job, as it is currently not filled so he steps in and covers the gaps. His salary would not change even though this would typically be a lower-paying position.

Bottom line, we don’t want him to lose his job but we don’t know how to broach the change in position without him feeling embarrassed and not valued. It’s because we value him that we want him to remain with the company, just not in his current position. Can you suggest ways of making this offer that can get across if he doesn’t accept it, he will most likely lose his job? I can see how being offered this other position may be a bit embarrassing for him, as it will appear to everyone that he wasn’t qualified for the job he was doing.

Does he know he’s been struggling with the job or will he be blindsided by it? Hopefully he’s been getting feedback all along and is aware there have been problems, and you can be straightforward: “We’ve talked a lot about the need to be more careful in your work and not make errors like X and Y. We haven’t seen the improvement we need, and we’re at the point where we can’t keep you in this job. However, we’ve seen you stepping in to help with the Z job, and you’ve done a great job with that work. We think that could be a really good fit, and we’d like to move you into it, if that’s something you’re interested in. Your salary wouldn’t change.” If he says he prefers to stay where he is, you’d say, “Unfortunately, we can’t keep you in your current job because of the mistakes we’ve talked about. If you don’t want to move to the Z job, we wouldn’t be able to keep you on — but we think Z could be a great match if you’re interested in it.”

Don’t get into trying to manage his emotions about a potential switch. He may not feel embarrassed by it at all, but if he does, that’s something for him to work out on his own. Your role is to be straightforward about the situation and what his options are. You can do that kindly and with empathy, but if you worry too much about embarrassing him, you risk softening the message in ways that ultimately will make the situation harder for him (because he won’t understand the reasons for what’s happening, or at the extreme end could even miss what you’re saying entirely).

3. Talking about my non-compliance with our in-office policy in my annual self-evaluation

I have been employed for just over five years at a government agency. I started full-time in-office, spent a few years mostly remote, and am now expected to be back in the office three days a week.

Fine. The trouble is, I can’t seem to get myself in more than twice, due to some physical and mental health issues (for which I have never sought formal accommodation), family obligations, and to be frank, personal preference. I am an individual contributor, and although in theory I’m senior enough to be a resource for newer employees, in reality most of the time in the office I’m totally alone and don’t get why I have to be there other than team optics.

I have a wonderful and accommodating manager, but there are pressures from above. We are about to undertake “annual” evaluations for the first time in a few years, and my dilemma involves how honest to be in the self-evaluation portion to be submitted in advance. I have approached my employer regarding my willingness to go hourly, about 30 hours (I could still manage my current workload if all the performative stuff were trimmed), but so far no go.

There is a section I have to fill out regarding my adherence to attendance and telework policies. I should get a zero! But I can’t say that. In person with my manager I can be pretty frank, but I don’t want to overly criticize myself in a written record. Should I continue to just say I’m managing okay, or take this as an opportunity to say, this isn’t working for me?

You should not give yourself a low rating for attendance and adherence to telework policies. You should reinterpret that question in your head to, “How is my attendance and in-person presence jibing with the needs of my job?” and answer that instead. If your boss wants to argue it differently, let her — but don’t go out of your way to ding yourself in a formal review for something you don’t actually think should to be a strike against you.

Whether or not to raise the fact that the schedule isn’t working for you is a separate issue. You might choose to have that conversation with your manager in conjunction with review time, but keep that separate from any self-assessment ratings you’re putting forward.

4. Job application wants me to share “different pieces of my identity”

I’m curious about your opinion of a question in a job application I came across. At the bottom of the page, they provide these instructions for the cover letter:

“Please include the following in your cover letter: How will the different pieces of your identity contribute to this team and work? Please share as much detail as you feel comfortable sharing to help us create a team that represents a diverse set of identities.”

That question feels weird to me. It feels like an invitation to declare things that a person wouldn’t normally declare in the job application. Since it’s so vague and leaves it up to the applicant what they choose to include, I’m guessing it’s legal? I think the organization probably has good intentions, but it’s really put me off of applying.

It’s legal for them to ask it, but it would be illegal for them to factor into their hiring decision any information about protected characteristics that you shared in response to it (i.e., anything about your sex, race, religion, national origin, age if 40 or older, or disability).

The legal way to create a diverse team is by ensuring that they recruit a diverse pool of applicants and by working to counter bias in their hiring practices, not by considering the demographics that any individual candidate would bring. The former is legal (and good practice); the latter is illegal.

Because of that, the question is pretty problematic.

5. What does “upon resignation” mean?

What exactly does “upon resignation” mean if there is a notice period? For example, if the contract says “you must hand in your keys upon resignation,” does it mean “hand in the keys along with the resignation letter” or “hand the keys over when you walk out the door on your last day”?

Typically it means “upon your actual departure from the organization,” so on your last day.

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