do I have to share my story on a “women in industry” panel?

[ResidentialBusiness]

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I just received an email from my company’s corporate marketing team inviting me to speak on an internal diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) panel about my experiences being a woman in a male-dominated industry during the national Women in (Industry) week this spring. I know exactly why they asked me – I am the only woman in my company in my position! Let’s say I work in the auto industry (not what I actually do, but my industry is just as male-dominated). My company has a lot of women in sales, accounts, management, etc. but I am the only female mechanic out of probably 300 mechanics across the nationwide company.

I am twisting myself into knots trying to decide if I should agree to speak on the panel or not. The other women invited all have 15-25 years in the industry, and in roles that are increasingly becoming more popular for women, but I am much younger and only have three years’ experience. I also make it a priority to ensure others see me as a regular mechanic, and not a female mechanic or “diversity hire,” and that I’ve earned my position instead of being handed it.

On one hand, I know it is important to share my experiences and inspire the next generation of female mechanics, but on the other hand, I don’t know of any other hopeful female mechanics in the company, and I am a deeply private individual who generally doesn’t want to share my personal experiences. My social media presence is practically nil, and I am not part of any company developed social/resource groups. I’ve also never met any of the other women on the panel or the moderator, so I’m not sure if this is a safe space to share my thoughts on being a woman.

I’m absolutely torn between the world’s supposed need to hear my story and my own needs for privacy, and I know my answers to their questions won’t be what they are hoping for. For what it’s worth, I know I’d have similar feelings on any other type of panel, like if I was asked to be on a panel about my thoughts on leather seats or safety of foreign cars. I also have never known any another female mechanic before or after I started working, so if I can do it, why can’t other women do it without hearing from me?

Here are some of the questions the marketing team is proposing and what my answers would be:

What advice would you give women who are starting careers in the auto industry? Same advice I’d give any men who asked me.
How do you approach mentoring younger women? I’m young and am still getting mentored (by men). I don’t mentor yet, so can’t help you there.
What steps should women take in personal branding? I’m not 100% positive what personal branding is all about, but I assume whatever steps men take.
How do you balance your work and family needs in this demanding field? I highly doubt they’d ask this question to a panel of men! But I don’t have a household or pets, so pretty easily.

Let’s stop you from tying yourself in knots. If you don’t want to be on the panel, you don’t need to be on the panel. You don’t have a special obligation to do extra work that you don’t want to do just because you’re a woman. If they don’t have many women to choose from, that’s on them to solve, not you.

That’s not to say there isn’t benefit to hearing from women who are succeeding in male-dominating industries. There is! But you are already doing the work of dealing with a male-dominated industry; that is a burden in and of itself, and you really aren’t obligated to take on more work associated with it if you prefer not to.

Some people are excited about participating in these kinds of panels. You happen not to be, and that’s okay. You are not personally responsible for remedying deficiencies in your company, your industry, and our society.

You can decline the invitation, and you don’t need to explain any particular reasons when you do. It’s enough to simply say, “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I need to decline” or “No thank you, but best of luck with the panel” or “I’m not available for it, but best of luck with it.”

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