coworkers always tell me when they don’t eat my baked goods

A reader writes:

I often bake for my office. I just bring in the baked goods and leave them in the kitchen. I don’t solicit compliments and I don’t directly offer them to people, either. The only compliment I need is seeing an empty tray at the end of the day. I don’t even know who tried the baked goods and I don’t seek to find out.

The baked goods generally go over well and I get thank-you’s and compliments, but I also get a handful of people coming over to thank me for bringing in baked goods but explaining that they can’t eat them for whatever reason — allergies, diet, whatever.

This bothers me a lot and I don’t know if I’m justified. A generous reading is that they are trying to thank an act of generosity even if they couldn’t partake in it, but it rubs me the wrong way. One reason is, I don’t want to hear about my coworkers’ food issues. I have my own. The other is it seems to be negating what I did and making it about themselves. The other is that it interrupts my work for no reason. I always want to say, “I don’t care if you don’t eat the pastries!” I’d rather receive silence than an empty compliment! Is there anything I can do other than nod and say “thanks”? But what am I even thanking them for?

Yeah, people should just pass up the baked goods without comment; they don’t need to report to you whether they ate them or not, or why they couldn’t.

If this were food being provided by your office, that would be different. In that case, they’d have standing to talk to whoever coordinated the food and ask that a more inclusive variety of treats be offered so they weren’t regularly being left out.

But you’re just a coworker who likes to bake. They don’t have standing to ask you to change what you’re making or to stop bringing it in (if either of those is the subtext of the comments, which is possible).

That said, I’m curious about how often you’re bringing in treats. If it’s multiple times a week, I could see people feeling like … well, not that you’re obligated to provide them with treats tailored to their needs, because you’re not, but still feeling like, man, that’s a lot of times to walk into the kitchen and find out that once again there’s a plate of brownies they can’t eat.

As for what to say when it happens: you said you feel like you’re supposed to say “thanks” but that doesn’t really make sense as a response. You could say, “Sorry you couldn’t eat them!” or “Yeah, I love to bake but I know it won’t be for everyone” or “Just needed to get them out of my kitchen” or “Hey, while you’re in there can I ask you about WorkTopic?”

But I don’t think there’s a magic way to stop the interruptions from happening in the first place. And I bet you’re also getting interrupted by people who want to say the food was delicious or to thank you for making it. If the interruptions really bother you, you’re probably better off just not bringing in food as often — because it’s the kind of thing that will lead to conversations/interruptions about it.

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