my coworker makes passive-aggressive comments about my hybrid schedule

A reader writes:

I have an older male coworker who frequently asks me about my office hours and makes comments about my presence in the office. To provide some context, my department has a flexible attendance policy, while his department requires that he be in the office five days a week. I suspect his comments are passive-aggressive, especially since he has previously complained resentfully to me about other team members’ attendance and about his own in-office requirements.

Some examples of comments he’s made to me:

“What is your in-office schedule? Because I never know when you’re here.”
“Are you in the office today, because I came to your desk earlier, but you weren’t there.”
“Long time, no see.”
“Hi there, stranger.”
“I thought I saw you in the office this morning? Are you no longer in the office?”
“Where were you yesterday?”

As I mentioned, my department allows me to work a hybrid schedule. My department head works remotely from a different city and my manager rarely comes into the office.

Sometimes he had made these comments to me when I was working in the office, but had to step away from my desk to attend a meeting.

I suspect that his remarks are passive-aggressive, because in the past, he has approached me at my desk, pointed to my colleagues’ desks, and whispered under his breath, “They never come in, do they?” And then complained to me about how he is required to be in the office five days a week.

I typically respond to his comments about my attendance by saying, “I’m always available via Teams or email if I am not in the office,” as I rarely work with him on tasks and am not obligated to share detailed information about my schedule. Despite this, his comments continue.

It’s getting on my nerves, and I find it a little creepy (I’m a much younger woman). I would like to address this professionally and set clear boundaries. Could you offer advice on how to effectively and politely put an end to these questions and remarks?

You have two basic paths here: be aggressive about Not Caring, or address it head-on.

The first path would mean being pointedly cheerful or pointedly unconcerned about what his subtext might be. So:

Him: “What is your in-office schedule? Because I never know when you’re here.”
You: “Oh, it’s hybrid!” (It would be enjoyable to use a borderline-bubbly tone here.)

Him: “Are you in the office today, because I came to your desk earlier, but you weren’t there.”
You: “Nope, I’m out of the office today. What did you need?”

Him: “Long time, no see.”
You: “It’s been about a week.” (You could pair this with a “you’re being weird” look.)

Him: “Hi there, stranger.”
You: “Hello.”

Him: “I thought I saw you in the office this morning? Are you no longer in the office?”
You: “Not sure what you mean, but there hasn’t been a change to my schedule. Did you need something from me?”

Him: “Where were you yesterday?”
You: “Working, why?”

The second option is to just call it out:

Him: (any of the comments above)
You: “You seem worried about my schedule. Is it causing some kind of issue for you?”

He’ll presumably say no, at which point you can say, “It’s getting weird that you comment on it so much. I’d appreciate it if you’d stop. Thank you!” Say the “thank you” part cheerfully, like of course there will be no issue here now that you’ve called this to his attention.

If “it’s getting weird that you comment on it so much” feels like too much for your office (or for the relationship), you could say, “You comment on my schedule a lot, but unless it’s causing an issue for you, I’d be grateful if you’d stop remarking on it every time I see you. I think you know my team is hybrid. Thank you!”

From there, if he continues to comment anyway, you should feel free to just respond with an extremely weary look, as demonstrated here by Jennifer Lawrence:

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