how should I manage someone who uses the Gen Z stare?

A reader writes:

I have been managing a corporate team for a little under a year, and I’ve gotten to know them all over the last few months. One employee, Sally, is smart, quiet, and a hard worker. However, when I talk to her, I started noticing that I was getting a lot of silence and a glazed look back. I tried a few different ways to ask questions and have a conversation over the months, but nothing has led to a change in her demeanor. At one point, I was wondering if she was high at work, since she seemed to me to be so checked out during conversation.

Then a few months ago, I learned about the Gen Z stare – and I think that’s what I’ve been encountering! Sally is Gen Z, and the uncomfortable silence and blank stare fit what I’ve been seeing. It’s definitely frustrating and awkward to be on the receiving end of it.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since! I’m a Millennial, and I know that I have Millennial generational quirks that probably drive others at work crazy. It doesn’t feel right to bring a critique to someone that is generational, but at the same time, would it be doing her a service to tell her how this could be perceived in a professional setting? I’d love to get your thoughts on this as workplace norms change over time, and as a manager, how do you respond?

For people who haven’t heard the term, the “Gen Z stare” has been getting a bunch of media coverage. It’s the idea that some Gen Z employees, when spoken to by a colleague or a client, will just respond with a blank, disengaged expression. People older than them tend to read it as rude indifference or even hostility.

I’ve heard it explained as Gen Z being cynical about work, feeling disconnected, and not into performing fake enthusiasm. But the issue with the “stare” at work isn’t the lack of enthusiasm; it’s the lack of anything — no response indicating that they heard what was said, and no information offered in return. Some people say the stare also has an element of “this is stupid; why would I respond?” — which is something they can certainly think privately but which isn’t okay to convey at work. The other explanation getting offered is that this generation came of age with fewer face-to-face interactions and more screens (particularly because of the pandemic) and so they genuinely don’t know what the expectations are around non-digital communication. I think that theory is pushing it, but who knows.

In any case, you’re right that it’s going to affect how your employee is perceived, and it would be a kindness to spell out what appropriate responses at work do look like. The easiest way is to be clear about what you want from her when you see it happening. So for example, if you say something that you’d expect a response to and she looks at you blankly, you could say:

* “What are your thoughts on that?”
* “Does that all make sense to you or do you want me to clarify anything?”
* “I’m having trouble reading your response to that. Can you tell me what you think about the client’s feedback?”
* “I’d like to hear your perspective on that.”

If you do that every time, there’s a decent chance she’ll start learning she’s expected to respond and will start doing it without being prompted every time.

But if not, you could address it more big-picture. For example: “I’ve noticed that when I share feedback or plans for a project or pass along info for our work, you often don’t say anything in response, which makes it hard for me to tell what’s going on on your end of our conversation — whether you’re still thinking about it, or confused, or disagree, or even if you’re just thinking about something else entirely. In a work context, the expectation is usually that you’ll respond out loud in some way when someone’s talking to you one-on-one. If you need a minute to think, it’s okay to say, ‘Give me a minute to think about that.’ But I need you to stay something in response so that we can have a real conversation.”

You should also address it if you see her doing it with a client or a colleague: “When Jane said X, you just looked at her and didn’t respond. In a situation like that, you need to (fill in with examples of appropriate responses).”

Say all of this neutrally, rather than sounding frustrated or irritated. Start from the assumption that she genuinely doesn’t know how it’s landing, and coach her on it just like you’d coach her on how to run a meeting, or how to pitch a client, or how to write better copy. And really, it’s at least as much as a service to her as coaching on any of those topics would be.

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