If you haven’t failed big, you aren’t ready to lead

The most enduring leaders aren’t the ones with flawless résumés. They’re the ones who’ve been tested, humbled, and reshaped by failure.

From an early age, I trained intensively to become a professional ballet dancer. Ballet wasn’t just a passion. It was my identity, my future, my entire world. Until an audition in Vienna changed everything. A sudden injury ended the career I had spent years building.

That moment could have marked the end of my story. Instead, it became the beginning of a new one. I pivoted into finance and marketing, building a career at American Express and Amazon. Today, I advise boards and CEOs on succession, governance, and talent strategy at Egon Zehnder, one of the world’s preeminent global leadership advisory firms.

One truth has stayed with me throughout this journey. Setbacks aren’t detours. They’re gifts. And if you haven’t failed in a meaningful way, you may not be ready to lead yet.

Setbacks clarify what matters

When things don’t go as planned, it’s a moment that forces reflection. Perhaps you’ve been passed over for a promotion, convinced you were the most qualified candidate. Or the product you thought would set a new sales record didn’t perform as well as expected, and customers were underwhelmed.

Suddenly, you start asking different questions. Are you communicating your impact clearly? Have you built strong sponsorship? Are you recognized as a leader or just as someone who executes well? Can you pivot quickly and creatively based on changing circumstances?

Failure shakes our sense of certainty and exposes how fragile our narratives about ourselves can be. It reminds us that success isn’t always linear, and performance doesn’t speak for itself. These moments are hard, but they also teach us the difference between doing good work and being seen as ready to lead.

Resilience isn’t built in moments of triumph. It’s forged by challenges

Mary Barra, now CEO of General Motors, rose through engineering and manufacturing at a time when few women held those roles. Her experience proved essential in 2014, when GM faced a major crisis over ignition-switch failures. Barra didn’t deflect blame. She addressed Congress directly, took responsibility, and began reshaping the company’s culture.

That could have been a defining failure. Instead, it became a defining moment.

Barra’s story is a reminder that leadership isn’t about never being questioned. It’s about responding to challenges with clarity, consistency, and a willingness to grow. Ultimately, resilience is built in the quiet, difficult moments when no one is cheering you on.

Conviction without listening is arrogance

Jeff Bezos once said Amazon succeeds by being “stubborn on vision, flexible on details.” That mindset helps explain how even a product like the Fire Phone, a commercial failure, still served a strategic purpose.

Rather than doubling down on a misfire, Amazon listened to customer feedback, learned from the experience, and used those insights to develop Alexa. The distinction matters: Conviction without listening is arrogance. But conviction that adapts based on what customers are telling you? That’s leadership.

Passion, unfortunately, doesn’t replace market truth. Tenacity can easily turn into tunnel vision. As leaders, our job is not just to have ideas. It’s to make sure those ideas matter to someone else. If we’re not listening—to our teams, to our customers, to the world around us—then we’re building in a vacuum.

Ideas only matter if others believe in them

In my work advising CEOs and boards, I meet leaders with really good ideas who struggle to influence others. They know what needs to be done, but they can’t bring people along. That’s not a strategic problem. It’s a leadership problem.

Influence starts with empathy. The ability to see what others value, where they hesitate, and how to connect with them. Often, that empathy is forged through failure. When leaders fall short, they’re forced to see blind spots, hear hard truths, and confront the real impact of their decisions. 

Consider Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella. After early stumbles in Microsoft’s mobile strategy, he leaned into a more collaborative, learning-oriented culture that valued listening over ego. That shift helped him rebuild trust internally and reposition Microsoft as a more agile, empathetic company.

Nadella’s story is a powerful reminder that failure isn’t just a test of resilience. It’s a chance to become the kind of leader others actually want to follow.

Failure builds humanity. And humanity builds leadership

Many of today’s most respected leaders have careers marked by public missteps and personal reinventions. In the process, they’ve developed resilience and deeper empathy—the foundations of strong leadership.

Because setbacks don’t just humble you, they humanize you. And leadership without humanity doesn’t last.

Ballet is still a part of me. I attend performances. Some of my closest friends are dancers and choreographers. In a twist of life’s full circle, I now have a daughter who is already a more talented dancer than I ever was. Watching her on stage reminds me that what I once thought was the end of my story was really the beginning of hers.

That’s the unexpected gift of setbacks. They don’t just close doors. They open better ones. But only if you’re willing to walk through them without the armor of perfection.

Your best chapter may begin in your hardest moment

As I advise CEOs and boards navigating complexity, I see a clear pattern. The most effective leaders are the ones who’ve been tested by hardship and hold their conviction while remaining open to challenge. They’re the ones who understand that every stumble is an opportunity to rethink, reframe, and reemerge more strongly.

In a world of relentless disruption, we need leaders who can metabolize failure into progress. We need leaders who understand that credibility isn’t built on being right all the time, but on how you respond when you’re wrong.

So if you’re facing a setback, don’t rush to move past it. It could very well be the greatest gift you receive on your leadership journey. Embrace it, learn from it, and let it remake you.

Because the story you planned might not be the story you’re meant to live. And your best chapter may be the one that begins right after your biggest setback.

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