updates: my boss loves being told she’s beautiful, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

1. My boss loves being told she’s beautiful

I’m afraid the ritual with the boss continues. I couldn’t find any way to say that the team might feel pressure to compliment her appearance without making it sound like I didn’t think she was good-looking.

So I just caved to the pressure and decided to start talking up her career and telling her she’d be great for more senior roles so it doesn’t seem like I’m the only one not complimenting her. And to make more of a point of complimenting other team members so it’s not just all the boss all the time.

2. My new manager is upset I didn’t tell her I was pregnant when I interviewed

I did end up having problems with “family friendly” culture at my hospital, although not in the way I was expecting. The frostiness from my manager subsided pretty quickly, partly because I stopped seeing her!

Immediately after my orientation ended, I started getting called off for literally 90% of my shifts due to low census (too few patients on the floor). Unbeknownst to me, they had majorly over hired on the floor I worked on, and as a PRN employee I’m not guaranteed any work. However, it’s common courtesy in my experience to not hire if you don’t actually need the help, and there were many phrases like “we can use all the help we can get” and “we are always busy/slammed” thrown around in my interview, which makes me feel that they were not hiring/negotiating in good faith. It did not occur to me to include “must allow employee to work and subsequently get paid” to my list of “family-friendly” requirements!

We are very fortunate that my income is not keeping our lights on or anything, but we have had to restructure the budget a little to accommodate me rarely working. The closest similar job is about an hour away, which is not workable with our family … so I’m kind of stuck. I’m hoping things will pick up in the winter, and I’m looking at cross-training to other departments to potentially be able to work more consistently.

Most importantly, I delivered a healthy little boy in September, and he is a joy. I am scheduled to work again starting in November, but I suspect I will get more time off with him than I initially expected!

If/when I have to take another position, I will certainly not be disclosing any medical info during my interview. Thanks for the advice and the solidarity of the commenters!

3. How can I help my dyslexic and ADHD employee write better? (#5 at the link)

My staff member is doing great. To recap a couple of responses I gave in the comments of the original post: I had a chat with her of the form “how can I support you?” She had been employing a few of her own tactics like changing text colors and circulating things with others before sending things to me. I made sure the managers of other staff were aware and on board with them providing help.

But I was happily proven wrong about our org’s appetite for AI, and we actually now have a limited set of tools approved. She (and others, including me!) are loving the help it provides.

Roses have thorns, however, so now I have a new challenge. Without going into detail, I’ve received AI-generated work (from several people) that’s just not on point. I’m sure I’m not alone here. I wonder what the future looks like, since the reason why I pick up on this is because I cut my teeth in the pre-AI dark ages. How do we teach critical thinking and analysis using AI without requiring work that will negate the productivity benefits it provides? I’m genuinely fascinated and excited to see how this will all play out, and keen to hear the stories and advice from your readers.

This particular staff member will be fine, though, because I have already seen that she has the skills required. I’m pretty sure she’s about to get promoted too :-)

4. We’re expected to provide treats for better-paid coworkers (#2 at the link)

On treat day, my nosy coworker said something like, “I’ll be setting up for the potluck in the staff room at 9, so feel free to bring your … whatever you brought … any time before then!” to which I nodded noncommittally. It didn’t come up again.

I’m relatively new at the job (last year was my first year), and while I haven’t experienced it myself, our principal has a reputation for taking criticism poorly and doubling down when she feels someone is challenging her authority/judgement. So I didn’t feel I had enough social capital to challenge the whole premise of “buy treats for your better-paid coworkers week.” But the good news is that my nosy coworker retired at the end of the school year, so I think going forward I should be able to get back to my plan of just quietly not signing up for anything.

It was very validating to hear folks in the comments confirming that the whole thing was completely unreasonable!

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