update: how do I live down a reputation for being “extra”?

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer asking how to live down a reputation for being “extra”? Here’s the update.

Thank you so much for publishing my letter a year ago. I really appreciated your advice and the kind responses in the comments.

Looking back, I was in a dark place emotionally and a toxic work environment when I wrote. I don’t think I really recognized how anxious and unhappy I was until I was beyond it. Believe it or not, I’ve remained in the same workplace and things have dramatically improved. The primary reason for the positive shift: staffing changes. I got a new supervisor who is completely removed from our insular middle management cluster, and a number of my most gossipy coworkers moved on one-by-one, replaced by fresh faces. A couple of more outspoken peers joined our larger organization so that I’m not the only — or first — person to speak up in meetings. I’ve had fewer opportunities to mix with cliquey middle management. And the former supervisor who told me in a one-on-one that I had an “extra” reputation has risen to an upper leadership position … which is actually great because now they’re in a separate building, so there’s an even bigger buffer between me and them. It’s like a fire has been denied oxygen.

I’ve basically spent the past year really digging into my work, avoiding workplace scuttlebutt, connecting with the local community my site serves, and focusing on how best to help customers. And it’s paid off. My pool of clients has expanded dramatically, which is wonderful in itself, but it also means I pull in impressive statistics that upper admin absolutely notices. Even the staffer who called me “Little Miss Too Much” recently mentioned my “eye-popping” program numbers (unprompted); so I feel like whether or not coworkers want to be my BFF, I’ve garnered a certain amount of respect within our organization. I’ve conducted some mentoring within my field of late, so there are people who now see me as a sort of “senior scholar” and ask for my advice. I’ve landed another grant for our organization. And I just received a promotion! I literally went from singing along to Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” in my car at the end of work to bellowing Beyonce.

A few things I’ve learned in all of this: First, I probably never need to rise into management — at least not within my current organization. The people who occupy middle and upper leadership roles here are just so … complicated. At least for me. I can interact with them on an occasional basis and behave politely, but they aren’t my main focus. My clients are, and that’s where I’m directing my energy. At the end of the day, I have very impressive numbers and I frequently overhear my customers agreeing I’m the best at what I do. That’s what the job’s about.

Second, I now make sure to heap lots of sincere praise on coworkers, including those above me. This helps spread goodwill.

And third, this may sound petty, but I’ve been in this workplace now long enough that if I sit in a meeting where someone freaks out because “it has to be this way because we’ve always done it this way” or a peer proposes an initiative I think is sheer lunacy, nine times out of ten I can sit quietly, nod, and then just quietly do things the way I think is best without dramatic repercussions. Our organization is big enough, our departments are siloed enough that as long as chain of command is respected and observed, we have a fair degree of latitude in the way we conduct our activities.

Alison, thank you again for taking my question. I’m glad I was able to provide a happy update to a fraught query.

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