updates: the gross bathrooms, the docked PTO, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. Men are gross in our non-gendered bathrooms (#3 at the link)

The bathrooms in our building continue to be a source of mirth and disbelief.

As well as continued seat-up, shake-it-all-about behavior, there’s been the (female) facilities manager who refused to accept that “all gender” means sanitary bins should be available in all stalls (“men don’t want to look at those”), and building-wide reminders to use the supplied brushes to remove anything you might leave clinging to the bowl … with a very weak flush simply meaning the transfer of matter from bowls to brushes, neither less visible than the other.

The building-wide reminder that caused the most consternation was a recent request from facilities for people to stop using toilet paper to dry their hands and throwing the damp balls of paper on the floor. It went on to declare this must be retaliatory behavior in protest against the fact the bathrooms don’t have paper towels for hand drying or waste bins (only air dryers and the hard-fought-for sanitary bins).

We wandered the corridors and break rooms for days murmuring “who DOES that?” to each other, knowing full well some of us meant “who throws balls of damp toilet paper on the floor?” and some of us meant “who sends a blanket email claiming toilet crimes are political?”

There are half a dozen executive-level leaders in our building, all of whom received the email and were asked to share the message with their teams, and none of whom attempted to hide their bemusement at the entire thing.

Under these conditions, standard male behavior around seat placement becomes positively benign. Although part of me is disappointed the reminders haven’t mentioned that particular aspect of how you leave the bathroom for the next person, I’m now (along with everyone else in my office) so invested in what the next episode of new office drama The Bathroom will bring we’re willing to turn a blind eye at this point.

2. I’ve been getting all my colleague’s meeting invites … for 10 years (#4 at the link)

Thank you for the advice! It did help, it was the blunt encouragement that I needed. I contacted IT again with the mindset that I was not going to let it go until it was resolved. They responded with some instructions that the director needed to follow, which I sent to him in a friendly email, hoping it wasn’t too weird. He followed the instructions and as far as I can tell it worked! It’s a huge relief, it happened so quickly that it made me feel silly for giving up before but IT really did keep telling me they’d fix it before and I started to feel like a nuance. Anyway, thank you and your readers!

3. I’m being docked PTO days for a suspension, despite not doing anything wrong (#4 at the link)

You answered my question about three PTO days that I lost after an internal investigation against me found no wrongdoing.

As you suggested, I tried to concentrate on getting the PTO days back. I mentioned in the comments of the original post that I finally managed to track down my department manager (my team manager could not help me). He really pushed back hard on HR but was mostly unsuccessful. I got the third day back eventually after the team manager and department manager both confirmed I did my normal job on the days I was partially suspended. I also had to submit a detailed record of my work done on those days. HR refused to reinstate the other two days. I was able to make my trip (an important family event that required travel) by taking unpaid leave.

However, what affects me much more is the uncertainty of why all of this happened. Some commenters suggested that I must have an idea of why I was suspended. This is unfortunately not true. I do not handle money or interact with external customers. I went over all interactions and projects of the last month again and again, but nothing problematic comes to mind. Some commenters suggested a mix-up with someone else. This might be the case, but I have no idea. I also do not know if I was truly cleared or if they just gave up. All of this makes me very anxious. Can this happen again tomorrow? Am I now on a short list for layoffs? Have I inadvertently offended someone? Is there someone who wants to hurt me? … I have always liked to work for this company, but now I’m panicking when my phone rings. The behavior of HR does not help. I’m looking for another job. I hope to be out of here by the end of the year.

Two minor points that are not that relevant (anymore): I had plans to go for a promotion in the near future. I asked HR how the situation would affect that. I got a non-answer like “the investigation will be considered in an appropriate way.” Great. And this is almost funny: I was scolded by HQ HR (the ones doing the investigation) for having a misleading job description. It contained a lot of boilerplate things like being required to travel. This might have been behind the restrictions during the temporal suspension. When I contacted local HR and asked for a correction, I was told that the boilerplate section has to stay in.

I want to thank you and the people in the comments for the feedback and the support!

4. Customers with ridiculously long payment times (#4 at the link)

I never found a way to get that client on a reasonable payment plan. I haven’t worked for them in months and they still owe me money. The frustrating part is that they aren’t a small business struggling to make ends meet; they just don’t pay people for a quarter of the year.

At any rate, a few months after I wrote, a former colleague reached out and asked if I wanted to work for the company he works for. Initially, I turned him down, but then they asked me to name a price. So I did thinking they wouldn’t be willing to pay it … and they decided to prove me wrong.

So, I’m back “workin’ for the man,” but I am loving my job and my coworkers are great. Plus the healthcare plan is excellent. Which, let’s be honest, is really why we all work here in America — to be able to afford healthcare.

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