A Delta flight was landing late and passengers were anxious. What the flight attendant did next was brilliant

Imagine the scene: Your plane just landed late. You’ve barely got enough time to catch your connection, but first you’ve got to convince the other passengers to let you off before them.

Good luck.

Recently, though, a Delta Air Lines flight attendant flipped the script, according to Kathrin Peters. Peters, co-founder of consulting firm Withiii Leadership, says a recent flight taught her one of the best real-life lessons she’s ever seen in “generating instant connectivity.”

After confirming the plane’s late arrival, the flight attendant asked passengers to raise their hand if they were ending their journey in Salt Lake City, the flight’s destination. After most of the hands in the cabin went up, he continued.

“Now, everyone who has their hands up: Imagine the anxiety you’d feel if you had to catch another flight tonight and weren’t sure you’d make it. Put your hands down. And now, those connecting to San Francisco, Palm Springs, and Denver, raise yours!”

“Everyone, look around,” the flight attendant requested. “These are the people who’ll be sprinting off the plane tonight as soon as we land. Look at them, and imagine this was you.”

The flight attendant then implored everyone in the cabin who didn’t have a connecting flight to stay seated and give the other passengers space to get out as quickly as possible.

“If we all play our part, they can make it,” the flight attendant said. “Thank you so much for your consideration and help. Every one of those guys appreciates you for it.”

Peters said the energy in the cabin completely shifted.

“Everyone suddenly shared the same mission,” Peters wrote in a LinkedIn post. “We all knew who the people were that needed to hustle now. And we were all in it with them, feeling their adrenaline in our veins.”

When the plane landed, says Peters, only connecting passengers stood up. Others helped them with their bags. Afterward, the remaining passengers patiently got up, grabbed their things, and exited calmly.

“The whole plane was rooting for them,” Peters said.

What this flight attendant did was brilliant, namely, motivating others to resist the urge to act in their own self-interest, and help instead. It’s a case study in emotional intelligence, which includes the ability to empathize with others and build connection.

Why did the flight attendant’s technique work so well? And how can you use this lesson to help you become a better leader? To answer those questions, let’s take a closer look at the quality of empathy. (Sign up here for my free email course on emotional intelligence.)

The three types of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the thoughts and feelings of others. But according to psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman, there are actually three types of empathy:

Cognitive empathy: the ability to understand another person’s thoughts and feelings

Emotional empathy: the ability to actually share or relate to those feelings

Compassionate empathy (or empathic concern): the ability to take action in an attempt to demonstrate empathy

Interestingly, while we all want others to show empathy to us, we often fail to show it to others.

There are several reasons for this, but it basically boils down to the fact that showing empathy is hard. The first two types, cognitive and emotional, take mental energy. And the third type, compassionate empathy, takes physical energy, too.

But the flight attendant was able to inspire passengers to exercise all three types of empathy, by gently guiding everyone through the process, each one building upon the other.

After identifying who was in a position to help, he helped them exercise cognitive empathy by prompting them to imagine the anxiety they’d feel if they were the ones trying to catch another flight. Then, he helped them build connection with emotional empathy, by pointing out who on the plane was in that exact situation and asking them to imagine they were the ones in it.

Finally, he motivated them to take action, by encouraging positive peer pressure and inspiring the group to work together. This was no longer a disconnected group of people, they were a team with a single mission: Get those passengers to their connecting flights.

How can you use these lessons in your workplace?

If you’re a leader, look for ways to help your people exercise all three types of empathy. Identify who’s in a position to help, and who needs help. Then, use questions and phrases similar to that flight attendant’s.

For example:

• How would you feel if . . .?
• Imagine this were you . . .
• How can you help?
• If we all play our part . . .
• Thank you for your help.

Also, remember to gently guide everyone through the process, step-by-step. Because empathy takes time and effort, and that’s a challenging journey to ask of others.

But if you use principles of emotional intelligence like that flight attendant, you’ll inspire people not just to feel empathy, but to act on it.

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—Justin Bariso

This article originally appeared on Fast Company’s sister publication, Inc.

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