updates: the suspicious text, the person who won’t retire, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

1. My team received a suspicious text — and we wonder if our boss sent it as a way to secretly gain info

It was reassuring to hear from you and the readers that I wasn’t being paranoid about the text. Unfortunately, the truth behind the mystery text remains unknown, though the official story is that it was “legit.”

Shortly after your response, my manager ended up addressing the team, saying that she too got the weird text and spoke with her own boss about it. She said she was told it was valid and an additional way the company was trying to get feedback. It was, however, not guaranteed to be anonymous (which considering how we all received it, we figured it wasn’t) and that we didn’t need to respond to it. Whether this was the truth or her catching wind of our suspicion and altering the story, I don’t know. I believe someone in the comments had mentioned some companies will sometimes acquire old phone numbers to use, but the entire thing was still weird.

I did not take things to HR at that point because I shortly after found a new job (whether to a better place is still up for debate and a topic for another letter), but I have been in touch with former coworkers and found out that the shady stuff has continued in my absence. The place is still barely functioning on a skeleton crew as the manager still can’t seem to find employees and continues to do manipulative things such as trying to guilt trip people out of their approved vacation so she can take time off instead. When I left, she asked me to rewrite my resignation letter to put in a good word for her and talk her up (to be clear, it’s not like I wrote anything bad; I kept my letter positive and professional). I was blown away that she had the nerve to ask me this and told her I wasn’t rewriting it. The staff has tried to talk with her directly about the growing problems within the office, per her request, and she became upset and offended. When she didn’t follow through, they finally went over her head to her boss and HR but again received little to no response. I question whether going over her head regarding the text would have amounted to much either.

The entire place has been slowly falling apart, hence why I left. I honestly won’t be surprised if I eventually hear the office has closed down. It’s a shame because I think I jumped ship prematurely because of it, but here we are.

2. I was hired to replace someone who won’t retire

Thank you for sharing my letter a few months ago.

Your readers expressed alarm at the poor leadership of the president, the CFO never retiring, and the lack of accounting checks and balances. Reading the comments validated my feelings and gave me a big push to stop dawdling and get out of there.

When I quit the family foundation, I didn’t call out the president on the many things I disagreed with. He hadn’t listened to me before, and it was no longer my problem! But I did make it clear that I was frustrated to have such limited challenge, influence, and impact. He was taken totally by surprise and despite me giving four weeks’ notice, said he wished I’d told him I wanted to leave sooner. (I think because it’s his family’s foundation he expects everyone to think of it as their family, stay forever, tell him everything, etc. … which is another red flag and a topic I didn’t even get into!)

Your feedback and the readers’ comments were validating and encouraging. Only a few days after my letter was published, I came across a job posting I might have missed, and I’m now the director of finance for a statewide animal shelter. For context, a year and half ago I went back to grad school and pivoted to nonprofit work, hoping that I could someday work in animal welfare … so this is truly a dream come true. I’m so glad I didn’t wait any longer and risk missing this opportunity! My old job is so very far in the past, and I’m now busy and valued, and focused on a mission I care about deeply.

3. My manager disclosed medical information about my child to my coworker

I ended up talking to my manager directly, about a week before I saw your answer posted on the site. I used lots of “I” statements, explained how I felt, and explained how frustrated I was. She was properly contrite, apologized profusely, and cried. I decided that I felt comfortable working on repairing the relationship and moving on.

We didn’t meet again for about a month, and at our next meeting, I was informed that I would be switching supervisor. The explanation I was given was unrelated to her disclosure, and overall, it’s been a positive change. I feel a little frustrated that I went through the mental gymnastics of forgiveness, only to transition to working with her less, but we still do need to work together, so it’s not as though there isn’t an opportunity to continue to heal. I am keeping my eye on other opportunities at different organizations, and trying to focus on my own professional growth. Thanks for your great advice!

4. A colleague’s name and mine are so similar that clients mix us up (#3 at the link)

My tiny update on the same-name-as-my-boss conundrum. I haven’t quite leaned in fully to going by “Dr. Jane,” but I have been introducing myself as “Dr. Jane Thomas” and I’ve let a few Dr. Janes slip out. I haven’t had anyone confuse us yet when I do this.

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