update: my new boss told me not to take all my PTO each year

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose new boss told them not to take all their PTO each year? Here’s the update.

I appreciated your advice, as well as the commentary from the reader community. Your reply was spot on to how I felt as well — vacation time was part of my compensation package, and them backtracking verbally after agreeing to it in an official offer that I signed felt very, very wrong. I had also declined another offer to take this one, so I felt betrayed in a sense with a bait and switch.

I was so incredibly thankful that you answered my letter, and your reply came at the perfect time when I was thinking about what to do next. I took your advice and went back for another conversation with HR only, with the recruiter who I’d been working with. Turns out she had no idea that the call had even happened! Once I told her about it, thankfully, she was fantastic and her professionalism was off the charts. She was absolutely horrified! She apologized and immediately scheduled a private internal call just with her and the people involved at the company to “get to the bottom” of what they told me. She then set a meeting with me for the next week, after she had that call to get up to speed internally. I noted another red flag that she wasn’t aware, and that the internal business teams aren’t communicating well with HR, which is a personal pet peeve of mine based on my experience as a manager at other companies.

In that time, I got another offer from another company (!), which definitely helped me feel less nervous about the outcome on this opportunity. I’d say I’m living proof that your advice about continuing to interview to not hang your hopes on one role is spot on. It was really key for my mental health to have options vs. feeling like I was at the mercy of whatever they decided.

A week later, when we spoke next, the HR recruiter apologized again, and while she didn’t excuse it, she was able to share some internal happenings at the company as background to why that messaging was given to me. I won’t share it too specifically here as it was an unusual situation with managers being hired and moving around in specific regions of the company that would directly affect my role, but I took it into consideration as she re-committed that what they agreed to in my offer is what I’d get there. I thanked her and told her I still wasn’t sure if I could commit to the role any more, and asked for some time to think it over (three days) which she agreed to. I considered both offers during this time (and also interviewed again for another role!).

After much soul searching with my partner, there was enough else I liked about the opportunity, the people, and the company and based on that I decided to take the role. I especially appreciated your advice about how this was a “wait and see” situation — it could be terrible or it could be nothing — which I ultimately agreed with and was a big part of taking the role. As you share in your advice so often, it’s so much easier to get a job while having a job, so I thought even if I was miserable I wouldn’t be stuck for too long.

And, now about nine months later, I can say I am very glad I took the role! It’s really been a wonderful experience after leaving a toxic company. People have been welcoming and respectful and I work on a fantastic team with a lot of opportunities for growth. My manager has ended up becoming one of my biggest supporters, and I recently got promoted as well! While no work place is perfect — there are things I’d definitely change if I could — it’s a mostly good, respectful, and collaborative environment. Knowing my manager now, I’m surprised she acted that way back then, and I’ve taken vacation since without issue.

But I think a lot about how it was important to push for what’s important and have the courage to speak up about your boundaries and deal breakers in a job seeking situation, because no one else will do it for you! If I hadn’t pushed back and advocated, I don’t know if I would’ve gotten the same experience and have been able to start a new role with confidence. To everyone reading this — know your worth, be respectful always, and it’s so crucially important to be your biggest advocate as a job seeker.

So, thank you again, Alison and this community, for the advice. It made a very positive difference in my life and career at this point in my life.

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