update: my boss and I share an office with a volatile jerk

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose boss (Ned) and she shared an office with a volatile jerk (Peter)? Here’s the update.

After my letter was published, I spoke to Ned and told him I would not be assisting Peter further, which he fully supported. I started referring Peter to his adult children for assistance, which left him huffy but he stopped bothering me. He also began spending more and more time away from the office and out of state, “working” on their joint venture.

As for Peter and Ned, their business relationship has ended and their personal relationship is slowly untangling. It was an explosive conclusion that ended in a company bankruptcy, home foreclosure, and other items that left Ned’s finances in ruin. Unfortunately everything was in his name for various (in my opinion bogus) reasons that left Peter getting off practically scot-free. People in the comments wanted to know if they were romantically involved and that was not the case. They owned a duplex, and when funds for their business venture became tight they decided to share one half and rent out the other.

After the home foreclosure, Peter has left the office and in fact left the state entirely! it has been about eight months since he made that permanent transition. Their project failed (though Peter is convinced he can revive it, Ned has stepped away 100%). Ned now lives on his own in a quiet apartment that he is very happy to have to himself. We are back to focusing on his business, and the office is a different place. We are both happy and relaxed and have a great working relationship. Ned does not talk about his personal life with me much but I have noticed friends and family rally around him now that Peter is gone and he seems so happy and full of life, including taking some time of work. Prior to this, I could count the days he took off on one hand over five years, but now he is taking some much needed time for himself.

As for me, I am taking on more complex and varied tasks and thriving. Don’t worry, Ned is compensating me fairly for the increased work and responsibilities and has expressed a desire to make sure I have contact with others in our field, as he is getting older and wants to make sure I have adequate contacts and transferable skills for the future.

Peter is still moving files and equipment out of the office and will be here for one week in January, but the limited contact and the fact that he is failing has really cowed him and given me the ability to tolerate him in small doses, knowing he is going to be out of my life permanently very soon.

Thank you and all the commenters for your advice. I know a lot of it was to leave, but I am happy I stuck it out.

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