updates: the non-vegan gifts, the get-together of laid-off coworkers, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My vegan coworker is upset about getting non-vegan gifts three years in a row (first update)

I saw some comments on the update I sent in before (about my coworker who cluelessly gave a vegan coworker three non-vegan gifts) wanted to know what Marie would get Liz for Christmas this year, haha.

Liz ended up leaving the company in October for another job, so alas, no Christmas gift story, but we did have a farewell lunch for Liz and Marie gave her a book of plant-based recipes for dogs. Liz does have a dog, I have no idea about its diet, but still, this was an improvement, especially considering no one knew Marie was going to get a going-away gift for Liz and therefore couldn’t vet it. I was really holding my breath when she pulled it out. Fortunately, Marie actually bought this book at Barnes and Noble earlier in the year when it was on display, in anticipation of giving it to Liz for Christmas. It wasn’t weird for her to give Liz a going-away gift, since turnover in our office is pretty rare, but obviously it hadn’t gone well before, so I was still surprised (but also not, because that’s just Marie — she loves to give gifts).

2. Quitting when I just hired new team members (#5 at the link)

Update: I put in my notice.

I stayed long enough to onboard my new reports, just in case having a bigger team would help me feel less burned out. Things got a little better, but I still feel called to try something else. Hopefully my team will be better off in the long term with a manager who is bought in.

I was having trouble pulling the trigger, until my boss scheduled a quick call to tell me she was quitting. That was the push I needed. Wish me luck!

3. Our laid-off coworkers are organizing a get-together — should the rest of us attend? (#4 at the link)

Several of my remaining colleagues and I ended up going to the get together with my colleagues after checking in with some of the fired folks who were organizing it. There were a few awkward spots but most people expressed sympathy for the new organizational leadership those of us who were left still had to deal with.

On the whole, it was a good farewell, especially as several of my mentors who had been instrumental in my career success were there and it was a final opportunity to get together with them all before many of them moved out of our area.

In the following months, the changes at my organization continued, with increased hostility to the workers who were there from both those now in charge of us as well as external actors.

Some small groups were brought back while additional large scale firings at my organization continued in the months ahead, especially so during the shutdown.

I’ve tried to keep the pieces of my group’s mission alive as well as buoy the morale of my team members while making sure they have a firm understanding of our situation. With more organizational changes ahead, I’m unsure of what is next for me or my team.

I am making preparations to potentially go into the private sector and trying to make sure my team members are ready for that as well.

4. Can I leave during a project I’m leading? (#5 at the link)

The advice I received from other AAM readers really helped me shift my perspective around what we owe our jobs (and what our jobs owe us). Specifically, the idea that it is an executive’s role at the company to have contingency plans around staffing and project management–that’s ostensibly why they get paid the big bucks. The employer that had been aggressively pursuing me ended up ghosting me before the offer was final, but the support from you and the readers gave me the kick in the pants I needed to start applying and interviewing in a more intentional way. A few weeks after you published my question, I got a great offer from a local start-up and gave notice at my then employer. Tellingly, then-employer didn’t ask me why or try to bargain for me to stay. Toxic until the end, the executive I wasn’t valued by didn’t wish me luck, reference that I was leaving in any meetings during my notice period, or even say goodbye to me on my last day.

I’m a lot happier now, and I’m so glad I got the motivation to leave when I did. I only wish I’d done so sooner!

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