should you get fired for bad behavior at a football game, I’m worried my boss is laying a paper trail to fire me, and more

[ResidentialBusiness]

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should you get fired for (even really bad) behavior at a football game?

I’m a big football fan and a feminist and civil liberties advocate. So I am really struggling with the question of a fan at the Eagles-Green Bay Wild Card game. He is on someone’s cell phone video (which of course was posted on social media) yelling misogynistic insults at a woman from the opposing fan base.

The team banned him from coming to future games, a sanction I support (this was beyond the usual jawboning at high-stakes games). But people online also tracked down where he worked and called for him to be dealt with at work. He lost his job (I read).

I wonder if this is just … too much. On the one hand, I can see a company not wanting to be associated with someone who became so notorious for his behavior. But it was not at work, not between coworkers. Before social media, his workplace might never have known about this.

On an emotional level, part of me thinks — good! This is what you get! But it also seems like a pretty big punishment for bad behavior not related to work or happening anywhere near the workplace. I always hated the term “canceled,” since I think it was used to describe situations where people were rightly called out for bad behavior or racist/misogynistic comments in public. But I also chafe at the idea that someone’s entire life falls apart because of behavior outside of work. What do you think? Did management do the right thing?

Well, this wasn’t a guy just being high-spirited in a moment of competition! He yelled really offensive insults at a woman and repeatedly insulted her looks simply because she was cheering for the opposing team … and he worked for a consulting firm that promotes themselves as being “DEI champions.” If I imagine hiring that consulting firm and then seeing that guy walk in to run my project, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that his company chose to part ways with him.

I do think there’s nuance here. If it hadn’t been recorded and gone viral and his firm only knew about because, for example, a colleague was at the game and told them about it, they’d probably have been less likely to fire him. But it did go viral, which makes the reputational hit to the firm a bigger risk (again, imagine hiring that company and he’s the guy they send, or imagine simply being his female coworker) … and there’s also something more viscerally upsetting about seeing a video of that behavior than just hearing about it secondhand.

I don’t think his company was out of line.

2. Can I tell my employee about a charity raffle I know he’d be interested in?

I’m grand-boss to a fantastic employee who travels extensively, including Disney multiple times a year. He mentioned that one of his bucket-list items is to spend a night in the suite in Cinderella’s castle. (That’s the one that can’t be bought, not for any amount of money). The only way I know to get a stay there is by winning it in a charity raffle for an organization I love; it’s a special resort near Disney just for terminally ill kids and their families, like mine, and we made many happy memories there. They just opened up this year’s raffle ($10 per ticket). I’d feel icky not giving him the chance to do something he’s dreamed of, but is it out of line for me to send him the info, since this is a charity I’ve personally benefited from? If it makes any difference, he’s financially comfortable.

Send him the info! Just saying “I know you’ve mentioned you’d love to do this and as far as I know this is the only way, so I thought you might be interested” isn’t inappropriate pressure. He can enter or not and doesn’t even need to tell you what he decides.

3. I’m worried that my boss and HR are laying a paper trail to fire me

Yesterday, I got a call from the HR manager asking if I could meet with her and my boss near the end of the day. They raised issues about my performance, pointing out a few mistakes I’ve made in the last year, and asked me what they could do to help me. But when I had a suggestion (tell me when a task is given to me if it’s high priority/to be done immediately), it was shot down. (They didn’t really give a reason. They just said that I had to be more proactive and ask for that info myself.) I was caught off-guard by the entire thing and couldn’t muster any thoughts in the moment. A follow-up meeting has been promised but not scheduled. I also sent an email around just to have a record of what I was asked to do specifically, and the response was very general “improve your performance” stuff.

I am terrified. This does not feel like a good-faith effort to improve my performance, it feels like laying the groundwork to fire me. I have never gotten a performance review in the six years I’ve worked here and only the most minimal feedback, so I had no idea I was on thin ice. About eight months ago, I went to HR about how I was being bullied by a more favored / trusted / influential employee, when it finally got to the point where my mental health was badly suffering from it, and I felt taken seriously at the time but I never heard anything else about it, and now I feel like this may be retaliation.

The sensible response would be to leave this toxic environment, but unfortunately it’s extremely hard to get a job in my industry: it took me two years of trying just to get this one. I’m worried that if I leave for something generic to tide me over, I’ll be kissing my career goodbye. Do you have any advice for me? Am I possibly making a mountain out of a molehill?

You should take it seriously. It doesn’t mean they’re necessarily preparing to fire you, but they could be.

Do you know anything about how your company normally handles terminations, like whether they commit to following a process of formal warnings first or whether it can be more out-of-the-blue? That info can inform your thinking. Meanwhile, though, go back to your boss, let her know that you’re taking the conversation seriously and plan to do XYZ to improve, and tell her you’d appreciate any other feedback or guidance she can offer. (And yes, they should tell you when a task is high-priority, but since they’re telling you to ask for that yourself, be vigilant about asking for it.)

Beyond that, it would be smart to search job-searching — not because you’ll necessarily need it, and you don’t need to take a new job just because it’s offered to you, but if you’re concerned, you should start laying the groundwork to move on in case you end up having to. (I know it being hard to find a job in your field feels like a reason not to go that route, but that’s actually more of a reason to start now so you’re not starting from scratch later.)

4. Employer said I retired, but I quit because I’m frustrated

I founded a nonprofit organization over 30 years ago, and for many years was the sole employee. The organization has always had a board of directors that participated in strategic planning and volunteering for the organization. Over the years, the organization grew, and now I am one of five employees.

Last year I went through a period of ill health; I cut back my hours and suggested a reduction in my pay to the board, which they agreed to. While I was recuperating, the board made some major changes to how we operate, which have raised costs and diminished the organization’s income. As a result, the organization is struggling to meet payroll, and the board informed me that they are cutting my salary again, by quite a lot. I wasn’t happy with this and turned in my resignation.

The board has just sent out a communication to all our members telling everyone that I have retired. I did not retire! I resigned because I am frustrated with the board’s direction and very unhappy with my salary situation. I am planning some new projects in the same line of work and don’t want potential new clients assuming I’ve stepped out of the working world entirely. Should I try to get the board to put out a correction? Am I making too big a deal about this?

I’d be pretty annoyed by that, particularly since I’d assume they framed it as a retirement because that looks better for them. That said, it’s probably not going to have a major impact on your ability to attract clients afterwards, particularly if you’re planning on approaching clients to pitch your work (which will make it very clear you didn’t retire).

Still, though, at a minimum you can ask the board why they misrepresented your departure and, depending on how you feel about their answer, you could in theory ask them to set the record straight in their next membership communication. (A special communication just for this would be overkill, but they could correct the info in whatever they happen to be sending out next.)

5. Can I advocate for myself during layoffs?

I’m not a federal worker, but I work in a field that is adjacent to the feds and my org has experienced a devastating financial impact from the executive orders issued over the past couple of weeks. We’ve been told this week that our division needs to reduce its budget by one-third as soon as possible; this means laying off roughly one-third of our staff, since we have few other programmatic expenses.

Right now my division is organized into teams of specialists, and my specialty is research. However, the extreme nature of our upcoming layoffs likely means that staff who are left will need to wear a few different hats, rather than be specialists. They will also understandably want to prioritize roles that are revenue-producing, and mine is not.

Compounding this is that I’ve only been with this org for about two years and just came back from a three-month maternity leave. But, because I worked in education and academia before this role, I actually have experience (and I would argue, strong skills) in many of the other specialized areas of my division — I’ve had those roles before! Many other colleagues have a 5+ year history here, including through other reorganizations, so I think their varied skill set is better known than mine.

Given that, I’m wondering how directly I could raise this point about my past experiences to my manager in the hopes of making the case for keeping me on in some modified role. They may not need a full-time researcher anymore, but I could easily split my time between that and other roles which do produce more revenue for the org. Is there any chance of this working?

I am applying for new roles, of course, but given that this is a sector-wide crisis, I don’t expect to have any job offers in hand when the layoffs happen in the next few weeks, and I strongly suspect (because the EOs have practically eliminated our org’s cash flow for the moment) that we won’t get any severance either. As a new mom, I’m just trying to find some way to keep an income and health insurance for me and my kid, but I also want to keep a good relationship with my peers and managers (for references, job hunting, etc.) and don’t want to stray too far outside professional norms in how I advocate for myself.

You absolutely should let your manager know what you’d be capable of doing, and up for doing! If it’s easy to meet with her in the next day or two, do it that way, but otherwise email since it’s time-sensitive. Frame it as, “I know we’re looking at a significant reorganization and a lot of roles will need to be combined, so I wanted to highlight my past experience with XYZ. (Be detailed here.) I’d be happy to take on responsibilities in any of those areas in addition to what I’m doing now.”

Obviously your motivation is to find a way to stay on, but you’re also presenting her with a potential solution to a business problem and providing relevant info so it’s not overstepping at all.

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