my coworker is trying to micromanage my work

A reader writes:

My coworker – who is not my boss – is trying to micromanage my projects, and I am having difficulty responding effectively.

About six months ago, I was appointed to a leadership position for a well-known nonprofit in my area of expertise. I’ve generally enjoyed the work and feel well-supported, with the exception of one coworker, Linda.

Linda is about 10-15 years older than I am, though I have more professional expertise and public-facing engagement in this field. She is in a different department than I am, but she acts as though she thinks I report to her, instead of to my actual boss (who is also her boss) and she constantly wants updates on my projects.

A few recent examples:

• I spearheaded the launch of a new grant-making initiative this past fall. She wanted updates every week about the application process, the reviews, and the final selection, and then tried to go over my head to our supervisor to insist that a low-scoring proposal by a friend of hers gets leapfrogged to the top.

• I’m starting a new educational series for my peers and she wants to know all the nitty-gritty details – not just dates and topics, but detailed talking points, what the run of show is like, what resources will be provided to attendees, etc. She’s also making suggestions that don’t make any sense for this audience. I wouldn’t expect her to know that because she doesn’t have this background training herself, but this is why I was hired!

• With my manager’s blessing and letter of recommendation, I applied for and got into a fairly prestigious leadership program, which involves some travel and online webinar commitments. Linda was annoyed to see these out-of-office blocks on my calendar and expressed surprise that I hadn’t told her first. It’s not jealousy that she didn’t get in; she’s not even eligible because it’s only for holders of certain professional degrees, which she doesn’t have.

• There’s a huge industry-wide conference every spring. I’ll be there for the first six days, and then leaving for another, smaller conference that’s more in my area of expertise. She expressed frustration that I didn’t tell her about my travel plans earlier. It didn’t even occur to me to clear my travel with anyone other than my supervisor and my direct team!

I took this job in part because I was looking to escape a toxic manager at my previous job, and am really not excited about falling back into bad habits. I’ve told Linda both in email and in Teams calls that I appreciate her offers of support but I’ll let her know if and when I need help. But after the incidents above, which all happened within the last week, I think I need to be more forceful and direct. What is the best way for me to navigate this?. We are a mostly remote organization, so I can’t suggest we grab coffee to discuss it, unfortunately.

You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it. 

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