coworker wants me to babysit his kids, my shifts are way too short, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker keeps suggesting I should babysit his kids

I work in an office environment, somewhat causal, but we have absolutely no involvement with anything children-related. So I have no idea why a manager here seems to think that I would be interested in babysitting for him in the office or outside of work. For reference, I’m a mid-20s woman in a mostly male office.

The manager in question, Fergus, is above me in the hierarchy but not my boss (I report to two people above him). I’ve known for a while that he has two young children, and the nature of our jobs is either long hours, an odd schedule, or both. He has often made reference to his unhappiness with not being able to see his kids as often.

Back when we were peers, he made the occasional comment about getting me to babysit for him, despite the fact I’ve never met his children, have no desire to meet or babysit his children, and we made the exact same pay rate. Since he’s been promoted to his current job, I have seen him less due to schedule mismatches but every few weeks I still hear an occasional somewhat passive-aggressive comment about him bringing his children in and leaving them with me or me watching his kids after work. I haven’t heard ever he make a similar request to any of the other people in my job or to the other woman of similar age in the office.

How should I handle this? It’s not super frequent but it is grating when he does mention it. I do get along with my bosses, but I am not sure it is worthwhile to bring up to them. I could speak to Fergus about it but am not comfortable with the idea of engaging with him directly. And I’m not sure if it’s even worth it to bring up since it’s not an everyday occurrence.

It’s because you’re one of the few women, and he assumes all women are interested in and available for child care.

The next time he says something about having you watch his kids, say this in response: “I know you’re joking, but I’m not available to babysit and would rather you stop joking about it.” If you want to — or if the initial request to stop doesn’t work — feel free to also say, “It’s uncomfortable being one of the few women here and being the one to get babysitting comments. I’m sure you don’t mean it that way, but I’m asking you to stop.”

If he ever does bring his kids in and try to leave them with you, be ready to say on the spot (before he can get away), “I’m not able to watch them, don’t leave them here.”

2. My shifts are annoyingly short

I work in a call center and it’s casual work. But it’s casual in a really annoying way.

I get three- and four-hour shifts, every day. That means three hours of commuting for three hours work, on a bad day. People are leaving just because it’s not worth it. Why not give me seven hours work one day, then a day off?

When I mentioned this in a meeting, management just said “there’s an algorithm” and “the business needs you at some times and not others.” But when I finish my three-hour shift, I find myself leaving just as the guy next to me starts his four-hour shift. So there’s clearly seven hours of work to be done, right?

Another manager in that meeting said, “Hey, this job is not for everyone” as if it was submarine captain or battlefield medic. But it’s mostly helping elderly people change their passwords.

Do you think the company is deliberately giving us crumbs of work to keep us hanging on? I speculate sometimes that if they gave us whole days off, we would find it easier to apply for other jobs.

I don’t think they’re scheduling you that way to keep you from applying for other jobs (since you could do that during your half-days off — or at least you could if you didn’t have such a long commute). But I do think they’re scheduling you that way for other reasons that aren’t good — like that they want to avoid you being eligible for health insurance or other benefits, or keeping each person’s hours below a certain threshold means they don’t have to pay into specific state programs (or offer paid sick leave, in some states), or so forth.

Have you ever asked how it advantages the company to schedule people like this? Or explicitly asked for longer shifts? This company doesn’t sound particularly forthcoming so nothing useful may result from that, but both are worth asking.

3. Should I say I’m willing to take a salary below the advertised range?

This is my first time job-hunting since it became a requirement in many places to post the pay rates with job listings. Many places still have a spot for expected salary on their applications, though. With jobs that I’m confident I’m qualified for, I have no problem naming a figure in that range, but what about the ones that are a stretch? Some I would be happy to take even $10,000 below the lower end of the range, but is that helping my application to offer that or should I stick with the range? For reference, I’m being laid off from a nonprofit for financial reasons, and it’s mostly for profit jobs that I’m feeling this way about.

You should stick with the range they listed. Saying that you’ll take less than their range will look like you’re naively undervaluing your own skills, or aren’t qualified for the level the job is at, or didn’t pay enough attention to the ad. They’ve told you what the job is worth to them; assume they mean it and assess where you should fall in that range accordingly.

Also, the fact that you’re moving from nonprofit to for-profit is almost certainly playing a role here; you need to assess the value of the work you’d be doing within the market you’d be doing it in. The question isn’t, “How little pay would you accept in a vacuum?” It’s, “Knowing what you know about the market rate for this work within this industry and this geographic area, what salary will seem fair and worthwhile to you?” (And believe me, you would not be happy two years from now to realize that you’re making $10,000 less than coworkers doing the exact same work as you just because you used nonprofit salary scales to negotiate originally.)

4. Using family caregiving leave immediately before vacation

Last month, with the holidays approaching, I was planning to work remotely from my parents’ house Monday and Tuesday of one week while visiting them (this is allowed under company policy — up to six remote weeks a year from anywhere in the continental U.S.) and then take off the rest of the year for holidays. However, my mother is seriously ill and dying of cancer so I took off that Monday and Tuesday to care for her (this is also allowed under company policy and comes out of a different balance than vacation, which is why I could do that but not take vacation these two days.)

However, I am wondering about whether it is appropriate to use the two back-to-back — caregiving leave immediately prior to a vacation (and potentially immediately after depending on where we are in January). Is it appropriate under these particular circumstances, or is it bad optics since it seems like I’m extending my vacation? And if not, what should I do?

You are fine. People cobble together all sorts of arrangements during the holidays, but you’d be fine even if it hadn’t been the holidays. It’s not suspicious for care-giving to fall right before or after a vacation; in fact, it can make a lot of logical sense in situations like yours. The only way this would raise eyebrows in a reasonable company would be if you were someone who had a track record of unreliability and/or using your time off in ways that seemed obviously outside the spirit or letter of the law (like if you were someone who always seemed to need sick days to extend vacations you otherwise wouldn’t have had accrued time to take, or so forth). Assuming you are a reasonably conscientious person without a track record of shady PTO use, no one is likely to think twice about this.

I’m sorry about your mom!

5. Should I let someone launch a gas-flame-heated hot air balloon from our parking lot?

The company where I work is on the outskirts of town and has a large gravel parking lot and an empty lawn and forest behind that. If I am the only person in the building and someone knocks on the door and asks to launch a gas-flame-heated hot air balloon from our parking lot, should I let them? This is completely hypothetical, of course.

Absolutely you should.

The real answer is that no, you’re probably not authorized to take on that legal liability (and potential safety risk?) for your company and so you’d need to either say no or consult with whoever is. Whoever is will be delighted to get this question.

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