can we ask teams to “host” coffee hours, coworker demands that I do things “right now,” and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is it reasonable to ask teams to “host” coffee hours?

My new-ish boss implemented division-wide monthly coffee hours when he started a couple years ago, and it’s been a nice way to get out of your office and talk to others (our division is spread out on a college campus). Due to cost-cutting measures, he is no longer able to spend the small amount of money for these events. Instead, we are asking teams within the division to “host” coffee hours by bringing food in. The administrative assistant is able to help brew coffee, set up, and clean up. This does not seem unreasonable to me, and I signed my team up to host, imagining people could bring whatever was simple for them (some will bake, some will purchase on the way into work).

I received a lot of blowback! Some complain they don’t go to the coffee hours and don’t want to be forced to by hosting, some don’t eat due to dietary restrictions or other reasons, some don’t think it’s fair to ask them to spend their own money on a work-related event, and some preemptively complain that the same people will bring the food/do the work and others will do nothing (I suspect they refer to gender roles, something I am very aware of and plan to mitigate).

Is this too much to ask? I really am trying to support my boss’s idea of building community, while also making it accessible to those on my team.

Some teams like this sort of thing and are happy to participate. Others really don’t — and when that’s the case, asking people to spend their own time and money to fund a work activity that they’re not interested in is likely to grate. Where that’s the case, it’s really not a good idea to do it; the point is to build morale, and you risk doing the opposite. It’s not going to build community if half the people there are annoyed and resentful.

It’s also really not reasonable to try to shift the cost of a business activity on to employees, and doubly so when they’re actively telling you they don’t want to participate. If it’s serving a necessary business purpose, the employer should pay for it. If there’s no money for it, that means it can’t happen — not that the employer should draft employees into funding it themselves.

2. How to deal with a more senior coworker who demands that I do things “right now!”

We wear uniforms at my workplace, and recently our directed implemented new uniform shirts.

About a week ago, we received the new shirts. (They’re ugly! But that’s not the point.) A team lead (not mine) who I’ll call Lee demanded that I put on the uniform immediately. I told them that I would like to wash the pieces before I wear them, and I would wear the new shirt tomorrow. Factory chemicals, ewww! (The chemicals used in manufacturing causes me to break out, and a trip through the laundry usually helps.) This was apparently unacceptable, and they stated the demand again.

I looked at the shirts that I received. They were all the wrong size. Lee told me to try it on and show them, so I did. The snap-down front stretched so tight over my chest that I felt uncomfortable wearing it. Lee tried to convince me to wear it anyway. I refused, and told my team lead how Lee was treating me. My team lead, Jane, was surprised, because she hadn’t heard of the immediate uniform change, and I was informed that my correct size would be ordered.

Nothing happened after that; it was a normal day. I’ve had some time off, and haven’t heard anything further.

Lee has a history of overstepping their authority. I think this happens because they see the director every day. My team works out of a different building, and the director rarely comes back there.

I need some scripts for Lee, when they try to pull me away from my (extremely time-sensitive) tasks to do something “right now!”

“I’ll need to check with Jane because she told me to prioritize X.”
“Sure, let me check with Jane.”
“I need to finish X right now, but you could check with Jane if you want this to bump that.”
With something like the shirts, where it’s not about competing tasks: “Let me talk with Jane, since she’s normally fine with me doing X instead.”

You can also just go talk with Jane on the spot, explain what Lee is asking, and ask if she wants you to do that or not (and explain why you think you shouldn’t, when that’s the case). It sounds like it would be worth talking to Jane about the pattern, too: “Lee often asks me to do things that I don’t think you’d agree with like X or Y, wants them done immediately, and is pretty aggressive if I push back. How should I be handling that when it happens?”

3. Can your company make you say the Pledge of Allegiance?

I was watching an episode of The Office, and it started with the entire office reciting the Pledge of Allegiance to start their day. It struck me that I would have a real problem with being told to do this and would likely refuse. Hypothetically, could your employer force you to recite the Pledge? Would you have any legal recourse if you faced repercussions for refusing?

It would be extremely odd and unusual for them to do that — which is why it was used as a source of comedy on The Office — but in general a private employer could require you to do it, as long as they made exceptions for people who wanted to opt out for reasons covered by Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, such as national origin (like if you were from another country) or religious objection (some religions object to pledging allegiance or saluting a flag).

4. Should the alternate contact listed in an out-of-office reply actually be available?

What is customary for out-of-office replies — is it important to be sure the person you list as a contact while you are out will be available during your absence? We are required to say in our out-of-office reply who can be contacted for urgent matters. In most cases, it is our supervisor.

Last spring, when I had an out-of-office reply that said to contact my boss while I was out for a week, my grandboss noticed that my boss was also out during most of my trip and pointed out that I should give someone else’s name for immediate assistance. So I changed my out-of-office to say to contact one of my boss’s peers for urgent matters before I returned.

Now I’m not sure whether to apply this same standard to those I manage. I was off for about a week again and totally disconnected from work email. My boss and direct reports have my cell number and can text me if needed. It is rare that someone has an urgent matter that needs a response from me when I’m out, but that is the arrangement and it works well. The day before I came back, one of my direct reports texted that they’d be out sick and asked me to make some quick changes to their calendar. In that process, I emailed her and one other person. They both still had out-of-office replies on for the holiday that had been the day before, and both said to contact me for immediate assistance. Before I tell them that they should have listed someone else (my boss, for example), I want to make sure this is really a customary expectation.

Yes, it is. If your out-of-office message tells people to contact someone else in your absence, that person should actually be available. Otherwise, you’re setting people up for a frustrating chase where they they’re told “X will help you” and then X does not in fact help them. Obviously there are times when this system will fail; you might set up an out-of-office assuming Person X will be available, but then Person X is unexpectedly out sick that day — but as a general rule, you shouldn’t list people without checking that they’ll actually be around and available.

5. My job is planning around me because they don’t know I’ll be leaving soon

I recently accepted a job offer that I’m extremely excited about. It is pending final HR approval, so I haven’t put in my notice or anything, but I have been given a start date almost two months ago. I was told that my new job was hoping to have the approval in place sooner, but, it sounds like there’s a batch of positions that HR is going to approve around the same time.

My concern is that I have a leadership role in my current job, and my office is going through some changes. My direct supervisor is very much planning on me taking an active role in training new people who are going to be brought on. I can’t give notice yet, but I’m feeling guilty about not being able to give any kind of heads up to him. Is there anything I can do, or do I just need to hope I’m able to let him know soon about my future plans?

You need to proceed as if you’re not leaving until the other job is completely finalized. While it probably won’t fall through, sometimes that does happen (or the start date gets pushed back further than you were anticipating). You don’t want to give notice until you’re actually ready to give notice, and while that can make things less convenient for your employer, it’s just the way this stuff goes because you can’t be expected to jeopardize your own financial security to mitigate that for them.

But this happens! People leave jobs all the time when those jobs were planning around them for all sorts of things, and people figure it out. Your current job will too.

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