my coworker said I’m the boss’s “shiny new penny”

A reader writes:

I’m a 20-year-old woman working at a locally owned company. I joined when I was 19 and currently hold the role of marketing director. I am the youngest person in the office by a wide margin; most of my coworkers are in their 60s or older and have been with the company for several years.

I take my work seriously. I have a relevant degree, prior experience (I graduated college early at 18 and started working in marketing jobs while still studying) and a strong work ethic. In the day-to-day office environment, I’m quieter and focused, but still friendly, professional, and social when appropriate. I don’t engage in office gossip, especially when it involves criticizing coworkers or the owner, which has sometimes left me on the outskirts socially.

The company owner, “Mark,” works in the office daily. He can be blunt and occasionally raises his voice when major, avoidable mistakes occur. While I don’t agree with that approach, I understand the frustration behind it. I’ve made minor, easily fixable mistakes, but nothing severe, and so he has never spoken to me harshly. We work closely together and get along well professionally.

One coworker, “Linda,” is a part-time administrative assistant. She frequently gossips and pries into personal matters. In the past, she has made repeated comments about how I’m “all alone” or “quiet in the corner” or seems concerned that I don’t socialize more despite the fact that I’m usually working when others are chatting. These remarks feel unnecessary and slightly patronizing, but I’ve brushed them off.

Recently, when Linda and I were alone in the office, she brought up an incident where Mark had scolded another employee. I responded neutrally, expressing understanding for both sides. She then pointed out that Mark has never spoken to me that way and referenced my interview last year, saying she thought he would “eat me alive.” This comment struck me as odd, given that I was confident, prepared, and assertive during my interview process.

She then added that I’m simply Mark’s “shiny new penny,” and that eventually I won’t be, and he’ll treat me very differently.

I laughed it off in the moment, but the comment has stayed with me. I can’t tell whether this was meant as a genuine warning, a projection based on her own experiences, or an attempt to undermine my confidence. It’s made me question whether I should anticipate a shift in how I’m treated or whether this says more about Linda’s perspective than my performance.

I don’t want to gossip or escalate the situation, but I also don’t want to accept remarks that feel subtly diminishing. I’m concerned this won’t be the last comment of this nature.

How should I interpret the “shiny new penny” remark? Is there likely any truth to it, or is it best ignored? And how can I respond calmly and professionally if similar comments arise again, without feeding office gossip or creating unnecessary tension?

There are two possibilities here: Linda is correct about Mark, or she’s not. My money is on probably not, but time will tell.

If she’s correct about Mark and he’s being nice to you because you’re new but eventually that will wear off and he’ll start speaking to you harshly … well, you’ll know that when it happens and you can decide how you want to handle it at that point. (Here’s some advice that might help if that happens, and here and here too.)

But I suspect that Linda isn’t a particularly reliable judge, because of all the other details in your letter. For starters, Linda has shown that she doesn’t have great professional judgment (she frequently gossips and pries into personal matters, and her harping on you being “so quiet” when you’re working indicates she doesn’t read people well and that her priorities at work are off). Further evidence is her comment about how Mark would “eat you alive” when you came in for your interview, which I’d bet money was based on your age rather than your demeanor. People who don’t read other people well — and who don’t have mature judgment themselves — often use a kind of flawed mental shorthand, where someone young can’t have any gravitas and thus will be “eaten alive” by a boss like Mark, someone older will be “stuck in their ways,” and other forms of lazy stereotyping. And to someone several decades older, 20 can look really young; my guess is that she only sees that and overlooks that you’re smart, competent, and accomplished (again, because she’s not a good judge). And she might lack the ability to connect the dots from “LetterWriter does her work capably and professionally / doesn’t make major mistakes” to “and that’s why her relationship with Mark looks different than mine does.”

If she makes more comments like that in the future, bland and neutral responses are the way to go, like “Hmmm, okay” or “I guess I will cross that bridge if I come to it.” Or better yet, just change the subject (“Hey, do you know if the mail came yet today?”). You’re not required to engage on the topics she raises, and work itself can provide endless subject changes.

All that said, who knows, maybe Mark does have a pattern of treating newer employees well and then, once they’ve been around for a while, he starts speaking to them harshly. But again, if that happens, you’ll know! There’s nothing really actionable to do right now — and since Linda isn’t a particularly reliable source for that kind of insight, you shouldn’t let what she said get in your head.

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