update: did I cross a line with the (messy, chaotic) organization I volunteer for?

Remember the letter-writer who asked if they had crossed a line with the (messy, chaotic) organization they volunteered for? Here’s the update.

I’m the person who was angry about an Instagram post from the nonprofit that I was volunteering at. Duncan and Isadora did leave the board, although they still volunteered on a lower level. You mentioned that the nonprofit might not have great results towards its mission, and the truth is that the results are mixed. The organization’s goals are met, for the most part, but not without the great over-efforts of five or six people, myself included (which had earned me the nickname “Superstar” within the org).

Things came to a head when I was laid off from my job. The good news was that when I told a previous manager about the layoff, he immediately put a good word in for me at his company, which landed me a job with better pay and projects that I love. The bad news was that it was still stressful for me, especially since I was also in the middle of moving to a new apartment. My sleep schedule and appetite were negatively affected, so I had to pause volunteering to take care of myself. I was only required to tell the board members about my hiatus so they could reassign my responsibilities. In this time that I was away from the organization, none of the members or other volunteers reached out to me. When I had settled down into the new job and apartment, I texted a fellow volunteer to wish her a happy birthday. She said, “Thank you! I haven’t heard from you in a few weeks, how are things?” I explained everything that had been happening in my life, and she replied, “Oh, that makes sense. Nobody told us that you had to take a break. You just suddenly turned invisible, and we all wondered why you weren’t showing up.”

I was furious. First of all, if the other volunteers didn’t know why I was gone, it was because they weren’t told by anyone on the board about the hiatus, which was yet another example of a lack of communication within the org. Which confused me because, uh, who’s doing all the tasks that I was doing if I’m not there?

Second of all, it was just so hurtful. I joked off her “invisible” comment, but in reality, I wanted to cuss her out and throw my phone. I had assumed that everyone was just busy with their own lives, but I was angry because people apparently did notice that I wasn’t showing up but never bothered to think, “This is unusual. Is she okay? Maybe I should check on her.” A lot of the commenters mentioned that I’m a person who cares a lot about things, which is true. It hurts because one would believe that the reason nobody cares about you is because you never cared in turn, except when you know that’s not true at all, so you’re left hurt and confused as to why these otherwise lovely people never thought about you.

It was the straw that broke the camel’s back to get me to stop volunteering with them. I just ghosted the organization and decided to move on with my life (which, based on my experience, is really all you have to do!). I was sad because the nonprofit was the only one addressing a need in the area, which was why I had stuck with it for so long. It wasn’t worth the dysfunction and stress in the end, though, especially if I’ll only ever be either “superstar” or “invisible” and nothing else. I felt like a weight has come off my shoulders, and my schedule has been freed up to find something better to put my heart into.

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